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Want to end relationship with alcoholic bf


Oryx11

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I have written my story on the relationship conflicts section but I thought I'd try to get some advice in this section also, and since i have since moved on from not knowing how to handle my situation with my addict bf to telling him I want out, I think a different post is in order.

 

So my relationship in going down the drain for the 3rd time because alcohol and drug issues my boyfriend of 7 years has. I told him I had enough last night and he begged me not to kick him out, told me he was going to get help (which he should have got a long time ago but would not) He also wants us to do a couple therapy, I have asked him to do that in the past and he wouldn't. My problem is that after this many times at failing, at don't believe in us anymore, I haven't been happy in so long, I don't believe anything he says anymore and think he's just trying to do damage control. He says he can't believe I'm willing to give up instead of working through this. Am I wrong for not giving him yet another chance and wanting to get counseling? We have grown so much apart that I don't feel counseling will do much good. I have lost all trust in him and all hope of ever being happy with him...

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Sounds like he is trying to do some damage control, if you truly lost all trust in him and cannot see yourself ever being happy with him....I think you know the answer. Its time to move on. Its not ur job to "heal" him, he has to do that on his own.

 

You only have one life and being miserable isnt an option. I was with a guy who was addicted to drugs and booze, he went to rehab, was good for alittle while then back to square one. Its a hard road and honestly it wasn't worth it for me because he made me miserable.

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He's an addict.

 

He will say whatever he thinks you want to hear so that he can keep getting what he wants from you.

 

I went back and forth with an alcoholic for 5 years. Finally put an end to it, oh, about 11-12 years ago now.

 

Far as I know, he's still drinking, drugging, and living with his parents.

 

A person with an active addiction is NOT capable of creating a healthy relationship.

 

What finally got me to wake up about my situation was some throwaway line in my journal where I made the observation that I'd spent about half the time I was with my alcoholic ex trying to break up with him. I realized I didn't want another year to pass and find myself writing, "I've spent three quarters of the time I've been with trying to break up with him."

 

Where do YOU want to be in a year from now?

 

It's great he wants to go to rehab & counseling...but he needs to do that for himself, not because he thinks it's a way to keep you around. And, really, he doesn't need you to pursue those things anyway. So, I'd encourage him to seek those things out so he can have a shot at a healthier, happier life. But if I was you (and at one point, I kinda was), I don't think he gets to clean up his act on MY time anymore...

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There comes a point when people are truly DONE, finito. You can not be his mother. Whatever the addiction, mental illness, they maybe a different disease but the results are often the same. We end up mothering, and covering for them and making excuses etc. If he did not want to work on it before but only does when threatened with having his backside evicted, he is doing damage control. My mom married my dad when she was 18 and she spent on and off until she was 45 trying to "LOVE" him better from his mental illness, it is NOT possible unless THEY want to truly work on it. In her effort to save him my mother destroyed her health from the severe stress, my brother and I carry deep emotional scars from the experience of that life, to save someone that did not want to be saved. I am trying to be objective here, and see all sides, but the hurt kid inside me wants to protect your son. I know people deserve second chances and no one is perfect and I have given all kinds of people innumerable chances, but at some point you have to protect YOU for your own health and sanity.And you need to be the best mother you can to YOUR son. My advice is to let him work on it on his own. If he is TRULY sincere he will do that,maybe then after that he can return.

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