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BHM1233
How to End Relationship Cycle
How to End Relationship Cycle

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I have read other forums on this topic but I feel like my situation is different. I was with my significant other for two years. We were exclusive on and off but the last 6 months he made it clear to me that he didn’t want to be exclusive or “tied down.” I didn’t understand this but he would always tell me that he knew that I was the type of person who he wanted to marry so he wanted us to be able to enjoy life before things got serious. Of course during those 6 months we still acted like boyfriend girlfriend. He had a friend that I was always suspicious about and I questioned him numerous times about her but he always said they were just friends. The past two months things got really different. He started not wanting to hang out anymore or do anything together. Three weeks ago I confronted him and asked him what he wanted and he said that we should see other people. Turns out that a week later, the same girl I was suspicious about is his girlfriend and they are exclusive now.

 

This weekend I sent him a text message asking him how long it was going on and why he wasn’t honest with me. I just wanted some closure. He didn’t answer me but showed up at my apartment at 7:00 AM out of nowhere. He basically told me that he met her when we were broken up but he never acted on it because he still wanted to be with me. He said that he was attracted to her and just recently he decided that he needs to “see if there’s anything between them.” He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hurt me. He also said that he won’t ever have a connection with her that he did with me.

 

I always knew that the time would come that we would see other people before we actually decided to settle down because both of us are still young and still haven’t seen all that is out there. But I didn’t think that a week after we decided to see other people he would have a girlfriend. His reasoning behind leaving me to go to her is that because if he just stayed with me he would always have that “what if” question in the back of his head, which would make our relationship impossible to work. He also tells me that he knows that we are compatible and could be together forever but he just needs to do this for right now to “test the waters.” He said if things don’t work out between them he would have at least gotten rid of that “what if” and would be able to give me 100%. I agree with his reasoning and I defiantly don’t want to be with him if he has an attraction to someone else. I do want him to see if there is anything between him and her besides just the attraction but for right now it is so hard for me to deal with the fact that he is with someone else. I feel like their relationship won’t work out because he seems like he is not serious about it at all. Sometimes I even think that maybe he is just scared to be with me because he thinks it might be forever. He said that he is not expecting anything long-term for now he is just seeing if there is anything between them. I know he still has feelings for me and he told me that this is extremely hard for him to leave me, but it is something he has to do. I am defiantly going to see other people and date around, but should I still put my faith in our relationship and hope that in the future we get back together? I know the quote says that if its meant to be, it will happen. And if he does come back to me, should I take him back after he left me? I mean what he did to me was horrible, but it makes sense. He didn’t do it in a mean and malicious way, he was actually very sensitive and caring when I was upset. I feel like if he didn’t care he wouldn’t have taken the time to come and explain it to me. I don’t want to hold onto false hope and just hope that one day him and her break up because I can’t be hurt anymore by him. But both of us agree and have talked about being together forever. Any advice would help. Should I completely forget about him? Or should I just do me for awhile and then if things don’t work out for him, maybe give him another try? I’m scared, however, if I do still hope we will be together and if I do that if they do stay together for awhile I will just be stupid. To a certain extent, I feel that the connection and the love we have for each other is worth fighting for. What should I do?

 

 

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How old are you guys? This sounds like something someone very immature would do.

 

If I were you, I'd stay away from him. Don't contact him. Let him miss you. If he contacts you, don't respond. If you guys were meant to be, he'll dump this girl eventually.

 

There's not anything else you can really do without losing your self-respect-he didn't treat you very well!

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he is 24 and i am 21, but i am definitely more mature then he is. I know he misses me he already told me, but Im trying to stay strong and not express my feelings to him anymore. I feel like he will realize what he lost. Who knows though, maybe I won't be there when he comes running back.. I just hate not knowing what the future holds!!!

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he is 24 and i am 21, but i am definitely more mature then he is. I know he misses me he already told me, but Im trying to stay strong and not express my feelings to him anymore. I feel like he will realize what he lost. Who knows though, maybe I won't be there when he comes running back.. I just hate not knowing what the future holds!!!

 

This doesn't surprise me. I just broke up with a 24-yr-old guy. I don't like to generalize or stereotype, but I'm not sure a guy that age is ready to settle down.

 

And yeah-he's taking a chance that you might find someone else. You seem like a smart girl w/ a lot going for you. You might get snapped up pretty quickly.

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