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New boyfriend, but still hurting over the old one... >.<


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A guy i've been seeing for a few weeks made a move on me two nights ago, and pretty much asked me to be his girlfriend. But I still think about my ex on occasion, and we only broke up a month and a half ago.

 

I'm pretty sure this new guy has fallen for me hard. I can just tell by how much patience he has, how hard he is trying to please me, the way he kissed me, just all these little things. I have feelings for him back too, even though they might not be as strong yet, but i really do want things to work with this guy. He seems like such a perfect match for me, and we are amazingly compatible.

 

I just don't know what to do about my lingering emotions from the past relationship though. I still ache for my ex slightly every time something reminds me of him, and even though i HATE it, i catch myself comparing this new guy to the old one occasionally.

 

Should i discontinue the new relationship because of this? I really, really don't want to let him go, but i will if its completely necessary for my own healing process. I'm beginning to care more and more about this guy, and i don't want to hurt him in the long run if the problem i'm having with not being fully healed gets in the way of us having a healthy relationship. But at the same time i can't help but feel i'll be missing out on something great if i give him up. I also really want to give him a chance....

 

So what do you think i should do in this situation?

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"I really, really don't want to let him go, but i will if its completely necessary for my own healing process."

 

Only you can reallly decide this, but it seems you have a gut feeling about it, so I would go with it.

I don't mean you should break it off with this guy..if you like him, then i don't see a reason to just let him go. Like blaine said i would think about just telling him that you want to go slow or something like that. that you've recently got out of a relationship, and dont want to move too fast. i'm sure if he likes you, he will understand.

 

are you still in contact with your ex? If you have been, i would be VERY cautious about getting into a new relationship...

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are you still in contact with your ex? If you have been, i would be VERY cautious about getting into a new relationship...

 

emma, i am not agreeing or disagreeing with this comment, i just wonder why this is such a strong point for consideration for you?

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What would you do if your ex wanted to get back together and put some effort into it? Do you think the way you feel will cause problems? Be honest.

 

 

If you do end up calling it off with the new guy be honest with him about why. If things work out maybe you two can try again when you are more ready. Either way, i would make a decision sooner rather than later it sound like he is starting to get attached.

 

Look at it this way, if you feel its going to cause you not to be able to fully try with this guy why rush it and screw it up with a half hearted attempt? If you think taking more time would be better then wait. Then if you are both still available you can do somethign that will have a real chance.

 

This all depends on taking an honest look at yourself. The fact that you are here asking would send up at least a small red flag in my mind.

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im in the same boat as you. been seeing this guy about 2 months now.. been broken up with the ex nearly 3 months now.. wow time flies... im so not over my ex. i miss him and i think about him everyday. but i also know he's not coming back. we haven't spoken at all and im sure hes never going to talk to me again... and even though i know hes gone from my life forever, i still miss him and want to be with him. sad, i know.

 

people tell me im not ready for a relationship and i shoudln't be with this new guy.. but it just seems so unfair that my ex can just be with someone right away and be happy, and im stuck being confused and hurt. ill never be over him. i know this... everytime i try to think of the bad stuff, i just remember all the good stuff, and he was everything i wanted. i will always compare other people to him, i can't help it. im trying to get over him and forget about him but it seems nearly impossible. i still cry some nights. does that mean i will have to be alone forever because i feel like im settling if i am with someone else? it's all just so unfair... or so it seems anyway. i feel your pain... i don't know what to tell you. i think you should try to stay with this new guy though.. but be honest with him too.

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I do not see how you could possibly start a new relationship with this new guy when you are still so attached emotionally to your ex. Tell him you just want to be friends for now and then see where it leads in a few months. It sounds like you are setting yourself up for the classic rebound. How could you fully commit to the new relationship when the old one is still fresh on your mind?

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yea thats exactly what happened to me in my last relationship, my ex broke up with me because she was not ready to be in a committed relationship. She was hurt pretty bad by her ex and at first our relationship was great but she never really ever opened up to me.

 

Its been hard on me because i think she likes me still but just cant be in a relationship right now. I would try talking with him about taking the relationship slow. I was told "our relationship is like we are friends"...hurt pretty bad.

 

Just be careful if u do end it..there are enough broken hearts out there..just tell the truth..and dont do it thru AIM lol

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Big pet peeve of mine...when people jump into new relationships immediately after one ends. Does a major number on the rebound person. This is totally not fair... to him. And all this advice about telling the guy and then going slowly..well, the rebound person ends up getting screwed anyway...telling the rebound person is an attempt to foist blame on the rebound saying, well they made their choice to be with me. People who are fresh out of relationships should not be bouncing into the next one, particularly if they are still hurting and in love with the ex.

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Big pet peeve of mine...when people jump into new relationships immediately after one ends. Does a major number on the rebound person. This is totally not fair... to him. And all this advice about telling the guy and then going slowly..well, the rebound person ends up getting screwed anyway...telling the rebound person is an attempt to foist blame on the rebound saying, well they made their choice to be with me. People who are fresh out of relationships should not be bouncing into the next one, particularly if they are still hurting and in love with the ex.

 

agreed. i have been a victim of this and it stinks.

 

take the time to heal before you enter into another relationship. Think about how you felt after the break-up of your relationship and then ask yourself why you would inflict that sort of pain on another human being by getting into something that you might not be ready for.

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I completely understand where you're coming from. I still think about my ex all the time. We broke it off about a month ago, and though I've had offers to date, I just can't yet. I met a new guy a wk ago, really great. But I'm not ready to even go out with anyone right now. Maybe you should take a step bad yourself...you don't want this nice new guy to be your rebound and end up hurt.

 

Take some time. I'm trying to. Is it helping.?...eeehhh, we'll see. Its hard missing someone and being alone. But I think its worse to miss someone when you're with someone else.

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Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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