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sooky

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hi there. i really dont want to talk about this, because i am the kind of person who is convinced she can deal with stuff alone. but thats rubbish. i need help. actually i need someone to come here, pack up my stuff, put me on a plane and get my parents to pick me up at the other end. i think.

 

i'll begin again. i recently moved to the other side of the world to be with my long term-long distance boyfriend. i have found it tough being here, as im on a terrible visa and my career options are limited. this has resulted in a slight downward spiral of my emotions and feelings of inadequacy regarding my personal future and career. i used to be so very passionate about things, and i seem to have (temporarily) lost my old sparkle. and dammit...i loved my sparkle!

 

so i'm here and very vulnerable. and insecure. i'm not the most thrilling person to be around right now. though i am taking baby steps to become someone i would like to hang out with. this insecurity has taken on cruel forms and i have taken it out on my boyfriend. (whom i clearly resent because though his life has had to change since i got here...well...it hasnt really. he still has his friends, his career and his lifestyle. he just gets laid more often too). but having said that, we're fairly happy. tense occasionally, but we get on and i thought we were still very much in love. in a weak moment, i snooped and got what i deserved. it turns out he has been communicating with a girl he met while he was travelling (mere weeks before he picked me up and took me home with him) the communication is very intense and though im wary of jumping to conclusions 'i think about you every day' is not something i want my boyfriend telling another girl.

 

so my options are limited - while he still is at uni, (for two more weeks) he is stressed and uncommunicative. admitting to snooping would be the end of the relationship - which even now, i dont think i want. however, i'm not one for pretending. and i would be fooling myself if i didnt confront him and continued living here, unhappily, just to be with him. should i wait until he has finished uni to confront him? my decision whether to stay here or return home will obviously be based on the confrontation outcome - so is it wise to wait and continue my baby steps until i am happier here within myself, and he is relaxed after uni. or should i just get it out and see what happens...?

 

any volunteers to help me pack my things and take me to the airport?

 

thanks for reading xx

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I say you shouldn't wait, regardless the outcome, will be the outcome. I don't see why he couldn't go to where you are, but seeing he is almost done with uni, I may see why. Where exactly did you find this, by snooping? You can actually turn it into stumbling upon something depending on how you found it.

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nup...definitely snooping! he's careful you see. and i would want to be honest about it anyway. that way, if we could work it out, we'd both have the chance for a fresh start. ever the optimist.

i dont want to pressure him while hes stressed from his final semester though. that wouldnt be fair on either of us, nor would it give the relationship a fair chance at survival...

i also want to have a bit of breathing space to clear my head - to avoid making a decision based purely on a gut reaction. i know i have to talk to him about it...or else it will eat me up inside. i just dont know when or how...

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i wish i could tell you the right answer. i also recently snooped and found somthing i didn't want to find. i didn't tell the guy that i snooped but am constantly worrying. the thing is...either way you are going to be constantly worrying...i feel like i should have just gotten it over with...i'm waiting for the right moment to come clean but i just don't think its worth it...i need to focus on ME and my happiness...so do u

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thanks ladylay! you're so right about that...its just that i want to ensure that i have the best possible chance at my happiness...and confronting him while he's got lots on his mind would not be the smartest option. i want to make the choice that will open the lines for communication and then we'll hopefully be able to get past this...!

i hope you didnt find anything too destructive...what have you decided to do? are you ok? xx

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do what you think is right. but if he is already stressed and you are worrying about something that isn't necessarily anything at all then you probably aren't being there to support him. tell him that you have to talk...apologize for what you have done...talk about your issues with being in a new place and your stress and worry...and tell him you just want to get better (and this is the only way that you can) so that you can go on being a supporting and loving girlfriend

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  • 2 weeks later...

thanks for the responses lovely people! i took your advice and decided that there was no such thing as the right time...so i had to do what was best for me. and if the relationship is going to work, he'll understand that and accommodate it. so i talked to him about it. he surprised me by not getting angry about the snooping. he explained his side of the story. and we're working on working it out...

but i have discovered a strength in myself that i didnt know i had. i can walk away from him and stay in this country and have adventures. i hope the relationship will become stronger from this...but if not, at least i will be! xx

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