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If you were cheated on, would you want to know??


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A friend discussed a really complicated dilemma with me and i thought i'd see what you guys think.

 

Our friend is with a girl who she seems to really care for, the other girl is in love with her back.

 

This friend cheated on the girlfriend by sleeping with a boy a few weeks back.

The girlfriend doesn't know, and our friend has no intention to tell her, saying that it was just a "stupid drunken mistake that would cause too much damage to tell her and she'll never do it again and just wants to move on."

 

I think if someone has cheated once they may well do it again, i also think that the other girl has a right to know.

Though if my friend tells her mates girlfriend her friend is a cheating scum, obviously the friendship will be no more - is it even worth it? they may work through it easily anyways.

 

Is it the girls choice to play her own relationship how she wishes?

or does the need to protect the other girl and tell her override the friends care for her friend?

 

BUT IS ignorance bliss sometimes too?

If they are happy and in love, and it wont happen again is their any point dragging it up?

 

I can see both sides, but think i'm on the side of the victim of infidelity

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Honestly, it all depends on what would make your friend feel better.

 

If I ever cheated on my SO, the only reason I would tell him is to get the guilt off my chest. I can't live with a guilty conscience. Ignorance is, obviously, bliss, but that doesn't mean relationships should be based on lies & infidelity.

 

If your friend honestly feels like it was a "drunken mistake", & that it'll never happen again & she can live with hiding this from her SO, then maybe she shouldn't tell her; however if she feels her SO will understand & forgive her, & she'll feel better knowing she was open & honest about it, then maybe it's best to take the risk and tell her.

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I think its worse that it was with a guy.

 

Do you think her friend should tell her girlfriend - or is that just interfering?, though her friend is getting quite close to the girlfriend which is why she feels guilty around a table watching them be all cuddly knowing this has happened. and knows that if the other girl finds out she'll be fuming and embarrased that everyone else knew and noone told her.

 

 

I think everyone has the right and deserves to know if their partner is not being faithful.

 

yeah me 2. but does that give another person, mb a complete stranger the right to waltz in and 'fix' things by telling the girl who was cheated on?

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Honestly, it all depends on what would make your friend feel better.

 

If I ever cheated on my SO, the only reason I would tell him is to get the guilt off my chest. I can't live with a guilty conscience. Ignorance is, obviously, bliss, but that doesn't mean relationships should be based on lies & infidelity.

 

If your friend honestly feels like it was a "drunken mistake", & that it'll never happen again & she can live with hiding this from her SO, then maybe she shouldn't tell her; however if she feels her SO will understand & forgive her, & she'll feel better knowing she was open & honest about it, then maybe it's best to take the risk and tell her.

 

 

has anyone told you, you look beautiful today

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yeah me 2. but does that give another person, mb a complete stranger the right to waltz in and 'fix' things by telling the girl who was cheated on?

 

It can be done anonymously, or if there is proof of it that be better. Saying that you don't want to be getting in the middle of things, but that they should know the truth of things going on.

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i don't think thats possible.

 

I think shes got to make a gamble - to intrude in and 'do the right thing' and cause heartbreak and in terms of self-interest loose her friend who trusted her to tell her about her cheating, or to keep it to herself as 'not her place to say.'

 

Thats tough. I suppose Christianity would teach us to 'do unto others'

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when i was in a ldr with my ex for nearly 4 years the abusive one i found out he had been cheating but never got the guts to tell me about it until i caught it myself and never want to know why he even did it. with my ex husband he cheated twice and dont want to even want to get into that. so i would just let it go and get on with my life. once a cheat always a cheater !

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Yes I think I'd want to know if this had happened. I'm also on the side of the 'victim'.

 

I'd much prefer it if that person held their hands up and came clean. I have a lot of respect for that and could then see my way to forgiving them providing they can learn from it. Lies and deceit only makes matters worse in my opinion and will always haunt you later on.

 

I have a clear conscience and would never keep something like this from someone else. It's not good and isn't the 'right' thing to do. You can't build anything on lies and I've learnt that lesson myself.

 

Building something with another person means respecting and honouring them. There just isn’t enough of that in this world.

 

As for your last point, I don't think ignorance is bliss in this situation. Not at all. A tad difficult for you being in the middle though! I think I'd try to pursude her to come clean. If she doesn't, then I'd do it for her I think.

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I think really, if the friend doesn't want to tell her GF she has cheated, she should not have too. I think it'd be wise for her to tell her GF though, rather than bieng decietful about it.

 

I think cheating with a guy makes it a little bit worse, if someone cheated on me with a guy, I'd be more hurt and threatened because its something I can't compete with.

 

I think though, I would appreciate and be less angry if someone cheated on me and came and told me to my face. Still be seething obvs, but I wouldn't feel as decieved.

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yes, being cheated on with someone you can't compete with is a bad situation. but I think it would be worse if it was another girl she cheated with because thats something she could compete with and she would have lost in a sense.

 

It is a tricky situation. I know if I was being cheated on I'd want to hear it from my girlfriend rather than finding out from somebody else. A relationship should be built on trust (and other things) but if the girl isn't willing to admit what she did to her girlfriend than its not a strong relationship in my opinion. she should want to tell her for better or for worse if she really cares about her. If you know the girl who cheated on her girlfriend and if you two are friends maybe you can talk to her about the situation?

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