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2 months in NC... some thoughts


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Two months of no contact... how I feel... there's no real questions... just wanting to vent a little to people who care.

 

Last Monday my ex contacted me via text message saying, "hi, hows everything going?" Two weeks and a half before that, she said to me "hi, how are you?" in an e-mail to my work account. All of this following, "please don't talk to me ever again" and "I asked you not to talk to me please respect that" a little over a month prior to the "hi, how are you?" e-mail. I ignored both attempts to contact me. She may or may not contact me again. I dunno. My friend suggested to change my phone number or block her, block her from e-mail, etc. I haven't done that. I don't know what my ex was wanting by contacting me, whether it be friendship, just checking on me, guilt, or stringing me along, or maybe hoping to reconcile - I don't know. What I do know is that while I'm in love with her still, I don't want to reconcile. Even though it hurts. Because I know deep down reconcilation would bring about the same result. I can't live with her bullying me (see my previous threads), her having kneejerk visceral emotional reactions when she doesn't get her way fully, etc. I can't live feeling like there's no we or us but rather a constant power struggle. A part of me wishes she would change, but she's not going to. In fact, she downgraded. HEAVILY. She went back to a friend (who is not nice and a pretty crappy lowlife actually) that betrayed her trust to shreds (beyond probably any level of forgiveness, I couldn't forgive it and I'm forgiving.) If it wasn't for knowing that, I might have contacted her back. But now that I know that - no matter how much love I still have for her, I just can't. And I struggle with myself thinking, "okay Wade did you do the right thing? Should you have contacted her?" But then I remind myself more than likely it was guilt or just trying to feed her ego - and I did the right thing by ignoring. I'm a little upset with her even because I asked for her respect in not talking to me, yet she did it anyway, even if it was a month later - if her intention was that. It probably was.

 

Generally, I'm feeling better. I can't say I'm 100% better and over it, but I'm feeling better.

 

Thanks for listening.

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I'm sorry for the pain you are undergoing.

 

Nobody knows the reasons for her to contact you. Well, except for her.

 

We can assume the following if you do speak to her.

 

Hurt, emotional instability, not hearing what you want, more negatives.

 

She is not respecting your wishes. Unfortunately, you will have to be strong and resist her petty attempts.

 

Keep pushing forward. Get over this, get over her. It will not be easy, but believe 100% that she is not for you. It's time to let go.

 

Nothing good will come out of contact. I'm glad you have resisted temptation.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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