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How do you emotionally rely on yourself?


blueangel
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Li...
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Like This

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I know I can be strong, but my emotions get the best of me. They're the reason I stay up so late and skip classes sometimes. I just cant handle the world. I dont think I am meant to. Still, I've gone through a loss of a best and closest friend and I feel like from her side, it's nothing at all. I am no loss.

 

Or something like that. Maybe she just cuts off better than I do. Maybe her life experience makes her more rational than me. But it was because we used to be together and it made me a needy friend afterward. SHe was always my STRENGTH.

 

I dont know how to be strong myself. I could comfort myself all day, I could hide from the world. I need to learn to be brave. Please if you could give me your stories on how you do this. I need all the support I can find now, to continue even though my heart has been wounded and I cant see as clearly alone. I need you to. Thank you.

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What I have learned in my life is that how we react to things is a choice.I chose to change my life when I became a mother. I did not want him to suffer my pains. Let me share something with you that I wrote, it might help.

 

The past can not hurt me.It just is.I do not know my future I can only live today.I am not my victim. I am not your victim. My body and mind are the 2 things that belong entirely to me.Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I will share

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Blue Angel,

 

You get stronger by just doing it. One night (maybe on a friday or Sat night), go to bed earlier. Turn all the lights off, no tv, just a dark room. When I have trouble sleeping, I sometimes put my ipod on with some soothing music. Then sleep. Wake up at a decent hour and eat some breakfast. Do 5 small things in the first hour you are up. Get dressed, make your bed, brush your teeth, put on some makeup, make a to do list.

 

When life is hard, sometimes you can only fake it until you make it. Sometimes just going through the motions is what will get you through.

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Yeah, I would say faking it until it feels real is good advice. Someone told me that once and I still remember it. I usually try to do things for myself that I know will help me feel healthier. Like going to the gym, eating healthy etc. Also, I try to reach out to people I really trust. I try to continue to do the things I did before with the person and try to stay positive, so I don't feel that they took my whole life with them when they leave. Just don't stop living. As much pain as you feel now, that will only compound it.

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I don't know how to say this in a pithy way, but here goes:

 

Your emotional state is a result of and and reflection of a mental state that is running your life. The more you THINK, the more you have emotions which can result in physical pain and suffering.

 

I'm not against thinking, but we do too much of it, and too much is unproductive. Take some time, do nothing, think nothing, and just BE.

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What I have learned in my life is that how we react to things is a choice.I chose to change my life when I became a mother. I did not want him to suffer my pains. Let me share something with you that I wrote, it might help.

 

The past can not hurt me.It just is.I do not know my future I can only live today.I am not my victim. I am not your victim. My body and mind are the 2 things that belong entirely to me.Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe I will share

 

Thank you. I think I will write print that and put it on my wall. My roommate may think it's weird of me to do, but... I have had an unhealthy mindset of being a victim, that I am not good enough, and that my past is everything. To let that go means to live walking blindly but I do have some things to look forward to.

 

I'm not doing the best I could in school, but I can't panic. I have to keep trying.

 

Thank you again.

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This is just Dawiniasm at work. The survival of the fittest. If you're strong, you'll survive and learn to depend on yourself or find something else to depend on. Otherwise, you break down.

 

Darwinism...that's actually a misunderstanding about Darwinism. We were learning about it in anthropology. He meant that our survival meant to bond with desirable genetic traits or mate with those of such genes that can survive. That to ensure strong traits, we must seek them and produce with them. Whatever that means, I should pay attention in class lol

 

He didnt mean that the world consisted of black and white and winners and losers. That is a misconception.

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Blue Angel,

 

You get stronger by just doing it. One night (maybe on a friday or Sat night), go to bed earlier. Turn all the lights off, no tv, just a dark room. When I have trouble sleeping, I sometimes put my ipod on with some soothing music. Then sleep. Wake up at a decent hour and eat some breakfast. Do 5 small things in the first hour you are up. Get dressed, make your bed, brush your teeth, put on some makeup, make a to do list.

 

When life is hard, sometimes you can only fake it until you make it. Sometimes just going through the motions is what will get you through.

 

Ok Thank you, I will do that. Tonight. I dont have any classes on tuesdays...but I will be voting tomorrow. (Obama!)

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Yeah, I would say faking it until it feels real is good advice. Someone told me that once and I still remember it. I usually try to do things for myself that I know will help me feel healthier. Like going to the gym, eating healthy etc. Also, I try to reach out to people I really trust. I try to continue to do the things I did before with the person and try to stay positive, so I don't feel that they took my whole life with them when they leave. Just don't stop living. As much pain as you feel now, that will only compound it.

 

Yes, I agree with that statement...."so I dont feel that they took my whole life with them when they left." That is very helpful. Because I keep feeling like they took everything. But they will only take what I give. And to stop giving, I must keep living. Not give to the pain.

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I don't know how to say this in a pithy way, but here goes:

 

Your emotional state is a result of and and reflection of a mental state that is running your life. The more you THINK, the more you have emotions which can result in physical pain and suffering.

 

I'm not against thinking, but we do too much of it, and too much is unproductive. Take some time, do nothing, think nothing, and just BE.

 

I think too much because...I'm trying to resist and control life...but in my head lol. Doesnt work much does it?

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Another thing is...You are what you think about all day long.

 

Hmm and I think about the pain of loss and how to get through my lonliness lol. That's probably not the best. How do you turn your thoughts around? I know you said to keep repeating that to yourself, but I mean- is there anything else you focus on that makes you feel better?

 

Thank you everyone. Your warmth and comforting words are like a radar into my sadness right now. I forgot why I loved this site. Thank you.

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I did not want the past to control me. The people that sexually abused me and starved and beat me and ignored me are NOT me. I AM ME. I decide WHO I am and they will NEVER beat me. If I fill my head with my past and sit inert and not live my life then they won. Pee on that! I am gonna win!

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I did not want the past to control me. The people that sexually abused me and starved and beat me and ignored me are NOT me. I AM ME. I decide WHO I am and they will NEVER beat me. If I fill my head with my past and sit inert and not live my life then they won. Pee on that! I am gonna win!

 

You are a truly amazing human being for accomplishing the will to go on after facing such evils. I envy you and will follow that. Thank you.

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Darwinism...that's actually a misunderstanding about Darwinism. We were learning about it in anthropology. He meant that our survival meant to bond with desirable genetic traits or mate with those of such genes that can survive. That to ensure strong traits, we must seek them and produce with them. Whatever that means, I should pay attention in class lol

 

He didnt mean that the world consisted of black and white and winners and losers. That is a misconception.

 

I'm not so sure...there are different types but I don't really care that much to go searching. The point is: Survival of the fittest. Concept still applies.

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it sounds like you've already received some good advice. but for what it's worth, i have an idea of what you're going through. i was friends with someone who was almost the complete opposite of me. when we had our final fallout, it was devastating. but i remembered, when we were getting along, that she told me she just pretends. things do bother her just like they bother me...she was always just better at pretending it didn't bother her.

time heals all wounds. as time went on, i noticed how ugly she was inside...and she needed me just to act like a decent human being. now that we're not friends, her ugliness is showing more and more every day. now i'm actually grateful for the experience, and i remembered how i was living before i was friends with her. i'm sure you'll find your strength eventually, as well.

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it sounds like you've already received some good advice. but for what it's worth, i have an idea of what you're going through. i was friends with someone who was almost the complete opposite of me. when we had our final fallout, it was devastating. but i remembered, when we were getting along, that she told me she just pretends. things do bother her just like they bother me...she was always just better at pretending it didn't bother her.

time heals all wounds. as time went on, i noticed how ugly she was inside...and she needed me just to act like a decent human being. now that we're not friends, her ugliness is showing more and more every day. now i'm actually grateful for the experience, and i remembered how i was living before i was friends with her. i'm sure you'll find your strength eventually, as well.

 

I feel a bit choked up. THat's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. I dont know what else to say....but it's the exact same circumstance basically lol.

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The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Other will always let you down at least some of the time, they're human. Be your own cheering section and support system. Then, anything you get from others is just a bonus.

 

That's pretty Zen, jig.

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Hmm and I think about the pain of loss and how to get through my lonliness lol. That's probably not the best. How do you turn your thoughts around? I know you said to keep repeating that to yourself, but I mean- is there anything else you focus on that makes you feel better?

 

 

 

The first thing that helped me was a conscious effort to NOTICE. For instance, say I'm stuck in traffic, can't move. I look around for whatever it is that I'm supposed to see. It might be a person, or some natural feature I hadn't seen at 60 MPH before. I suppose before turning your mind off, you have to trick it first!

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