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Help me to become an interesting person.


shy2cool

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ANother way is to listen to what others are saying and discuss their interests, people like people that are interested in them. Friends take turns in this venture. They will find you interesting when you have an interest in them. Make sure you get your fair share of interest in yourself though. Saying something witty, is not everything. Most witty things can tend to be sarcastic. I have a very sarcastic humour which is not the best to have because it can be hurtful if not carefully controlled. Just be genuine and enjoy the person you are with, that will make you interesting.

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How to become more interesting...

 

What are things you like?

 

Watch the news so you know whats going on in the world around you give you something to talk about.

 

When your with another person ask them questions it might trigger something you like as well or have an opinion on.. which having an opinion is helpful and makes you more interesting having someone listen to your point of view

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You have something to say, you just aren't comfortable with yourself to say it. So it doesnt matter how many thoughts you have. You worry yourself so much to say something right that you blank them out. That's called overanalyzing. Dont pressure yourself. Let it flow.

 

Who cares if you are quieter? The right people will still accept you. I promise. So let's start with you accepting yourself, shall we?

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Just an observation- I have noticed that you post this question in various forms from time to time. I think you have probably recognized that the answers will always be the same- get a hobby, get an interest, learn how to socialize more, read books, get therapy if you find yourself struggling with social anxiety, show interest in what others are doing/saying.

 

What do you think it is that's keeping you from trying these things?

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ANother way is to listen to what others are saying and discuss their interests, people like people that are interested in them.

 

This is the best advice on this topic. Read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" If I remember correctly, he tells a story of being at some event, and talking to someone. All night, he simply actively listened to the other person, and asked questions about him and his stories. Apparently the other person later said that Mr. Carnegie was one of "the most interesting men" he had ever met. Yet he knew virtually nothing about him. I haven't read that book in years, so I may not have all the details correct, but the point is the same. People like to talk about themselves, so to be interestING, be interestED.

 

Another benefit to this approach is that you can build a bank of interesting stories of people you know/have met. Most people enjoy a good story, even if it didn't happen to YOU. If you continually actively listen to, and remember the details of a story someone else tells you, you can re-tell it elsewhere. "I met this guy who...", "A friend of mine once...." Then you are telling an interesting story AND you become interesting by association. (You MUST Be a cool guy to be acquainted with this other bloke who....)

 

Something else you can do is to have a sense of humor about yourself. Think of some funny/mildly embarrassing stories about yourself. Personally, I find people who are willing to make fun of themselves to share a good laugh are the type of people I want to be around. So think of a few stories, and try to imagine how some comedian you find funny might tell that story, and try to tell them in a similar manner....

 

But most of all, be yourself. Because at the end of the day, it is far too exhausting trying to build friendships with others that require you pretend to be something you're not. You have to ask yourself, how you would benefit from that.

 

Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

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I disagree because just being knowledgable doesn't make you interesting. What makes you interesting is if you are interested in your self.

Your own thoughts and percpetion and express it.

It doesnt matter what you've read- Ive read some of the deepest books that have impacted everyone, but to talk about such things....well they dont come up day to day.

You dont want to awkwardly interject random thoughts on various subjects whenever you can.

 

It sounds like by worrying what others think...it's a sign you havent found yourself yet.

 

What makes you spark?

What drives you?

What motivates you?

What interests YOU?

What do you love in life?

What do you love about yourself?

What do you have fun doing?

Who do you feel most comfortable with?

What song sets you free?

What takes your mind off things?

What irritates you most about other people?

What do look for in your friends?

How do you treat yourself?

 

If you can answer these, I'd say you've started to find yourself. Pursue these things and interest in who you are will follow....as you follow YOUR heart. Not chase for others'.

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I don't know if I'd say that *nobody* cares about one's opinion... but yes, for the most part, we are much more interested in our own!

 

I agree with the poster that said to read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a really good book that explains the psychology of interaction in layman's terms, then gives hard and fast rules to help you socialize.

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Doing that you might come off as concided or all you care about is yourself. maybe he doesn't know what interest him since he doesn't get out and experince things?

 

It be nice if he gave more insight on the problem he's having and his experince with females that would make him feel hes not interesting. for all we know he could of meet someone that just wants to talk about themselves and leave no room for him to join the conversation she is having with herself been there before....lol

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I want to be the guy that always has witty and intelligent comebacks.

 

I am very good at being that person but what I have done over the last number of years is curbed the urge because even though I know I "can", I find it more rewarding to be quiet and actively (or empathically as appropriate) listen to the other person or people.

 

I find that that fosters more of a bond with people - especially when it comes to trust, because it dispels the impression that you're always waiting for your turn and focusing on "what should I say next" rather than what the other person is saying. Of course some comebacks just "come out" - those are fun - but as a habit, it doesn't always foster a lasting bond as opposed to being recognized for the comebacks as opposed to who you are as a person.

 

The downside is that if you are a person who does a lot of socializing at loud parties/bars, etc then the comeback is valued over longer more substantive conversations. It depends on what your goal is.

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I want to be the guy that always has witty and intelligent comebacks.

 

Well, I want to be the size 1 hottie in the red dress...

 

But that isn't who I am.....

 

Be yourself. I guarantee you that if you focus on being anything but yourself, you will come off as "trying too hard", especially if your goal is to be "THE GUY". I know these "clowns". They jump in and take what was an easygoing conversation and make it awkward in their deliberate attempts to be "witty"

 

For a select few, that's just a natural skill to be like that. Most times it's about timing and the right opportunity. Again, if you actively listen, and have a sense of humor, the right moment will present itself, and you may only need to say the perfect thing once to make your mark.

 

In my group of friends, most of us remember that one "line" that X person said at such and such a time. It gets remembered 15 years later, even if the context is forgotten. X person isn't always, or even often the person with the "Witty" retorts, but that day, we all just about died laughing.....

 

Because it came out naturally, not because he was "trying" to be someone he's not.

 

Why, exactly do you want to be that "guy"?

 

Do you want the attention?

Do you want people to recognize how smart you are?

Do you want new/more/different friends?

Do you want women falling over you?

 

Do you want to be seen as "better" than everyone else? If so, why?

 

And ask yourself this...Do you think less of others you know who also aren't "that guy", or do you recognize their other qualities that make them someone worth being around.

 

Be yourself- it's the persona you are best at.

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Doing that you might come off as concided or all you care about is yourself. maybe he doesn't know what interest him since he doesn't get out and experince things?

 

It be nice if he gave more insight on the problem he's having and his experince with females that would make him feel hes not interesting. for all we know he could of meet someone that just wants to talk about themselves and leave no room for him to join the conversation she is having with herself been there before....lol

 

To know your own goals and interests in life is not conceited. Clearly, it is to know who you are. I think that contributes to any interest others will have in you. You'll find what you have in common most of all, and common INTEREST is a bit priority among social groups. Sorry you misinterpreted me somehow.

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I want to be the guy that always has witty and intelligent comebacks.

 

I think your value system is a little off. Basically, you want to impress people. Well that is exactly why you are insecure. Lose that and insecurity is drained. Then, the way to impressing others...by being comfortable and knowledgable with who you are in relation to others...is open. Not by impressing. But by being.

 

It's illogical to assume that you can impress everyone by being yourself, but the goal is to bring out your own strengths by just doing that. If you fake it, those strengths get unrecognized for their true worth. If you fake it, others shape your behavior. That is dangerous and human nature shows that time and time again, breeding unhappiness and false friends.

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The thing is no one cares about our opinion, they care about their own.

 

That's a very large generalization. I can certainly say that intelligence means to care, because being challenged leads to growth. I care It's when you contribute to another's opinion or a group that makes it productive. When you sit there and boast about how right you are, everyone's uncomfortable. And people who are like that arent worth kissing up to. Faking it is not real confidence.

 

Disagreement doesnt mean others don't care. We all influence each other, especially if we ARE respected and confident. That's what it takes to impress others. Real relationships are full of caring what others think, and one needs to in order to obtain relationships. That includes public opinion and what is among that.

 

You just have to find people who share your opinions on your basic values, which is back to common interests.

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Here's confidence 101, my way:

 

1. What you believe about yourself, others will believe about you.

Term yourself "insecure"- try terming yourself "reflective." Take all the negative connotations you see yourself as and give them a positive one. You'll start to see the difference in perspective. A differing perspective will make your attitude about yourself more positive and is a way you can tune your weakness into strengths in your own eyes, and open your eyes to possibilties how. Which is very useful.

 

Others will believe the same thing because if you are trying to gain their approval, they will know that- underneath fake smiles, and fake interest. Have real smiles and real interest.

 

Example: You stand there among the crowd. You may be consciously thinking of what to say, but your awareness and perception of yourself remains that you have nothing to say. That is exactly what prohibits you from progression. It's an instablity in emotion that leads you to try to anchor in outward acceptance. This instablity does not mean you are not mentally stable- it means that you neglect helping that emotion with better perception and self acceptance, which are necessary factors to stablitiy. It means that instead you try to be an ideal and to be seen by others a certain way, all the while your awareness is "It's so hard to be that way, I am not that way- I am not worthy though if I am not that way, yet I am not that way, so I musnt be worthy but I must keep wanting to be that way so I can be worthy." That is unhealthy and that very thinking is not productive. That is why you dont see results. If you cant believe you are otherwise, believe in yourself as you are- more positively. This will do more for you than you can imagine.

 

2. The way you live your life: The more you do for yourself, the less you feel you need to do for others. If you get on the computer to connect with others, if you look in the mirror to try and decide what others will like, you will always fail at finding your own strength. This is because you are acting in response to others to live your life. I'm not saying dont care, dont give, dont reach out. I'm saying that in order to do so, you yourself must be solid. To be solid means standing on your own two feet. It means to be strong in yourself, rooted in yourself- not rooted in response, revelations, rewards, recognition, or reassurance from others. Others come and go.

 

3. Find peace in that above awareness. Dont resist it.

 

4. We all need pep talks, we all need motivation, we all need reassurance we're on the right path. We mostly rely on others for this, and for our value. Treating yourself right will cause others to, because you have standards. Even if it means having no friends, you wont tolerate being uncared about among people you try to get to know. That's because at the end of the day, you care for yourself. In religious or spiritual context, God does.

 

So you give yourself pep talks, not out of desperation but out of inspiration. We all come on this forum to get some fulfillment. We spend time writing messages to others but what about our own problems? How much time do we give answering ourselves thoughtfully and usefully? The answer: we dont. We wait for others to tell us what we already know. That neglect of self is huge in our world. We neglect healing, changing, growing for the better because we look at the world in a way that says "Acceptence is out there." It may be, but only BECAUSE of acceptance IN HERE.

 

The logic: You need self acceptance for outward acceptance otherwise you wouldnt risk anything for social experience. You dont need outward acceptance for inward acceptance. What, then, should be the strongest? The most reliable should be. That'd be inner acceptance- that's the keeper.

 

Acceptance does not mean you are perfect. Acceptance is simply acceptance. It is not resistant to what is and why. This also enables more growth and change than to forcibly deny or to fake.

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