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liasonred

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Any advice on how to follow through with a breakup even when you don't really want too?

 

The situation I am in needs to stop and I am desperately trying to find the strength inside myself to be the person who stops it.

 

She has a bf but isn't happy, won't leave him because she doesn't want to upset her mum and from what I can tell does everything her mum tells her.

 

We work together so going into NC is not an option and the attraction/connection we have is so good that its hard to not feel so happy in each others company.

 

We went out this past Monday and after she text me "I miss you the moment I leave you and it drives me crazy, I wish I could snap my fingers and be with you but I can't and I don't know what to do with myself"

 

This past weekend her mum has paid for her and her bf to go away and try and get their relationship back on track. I was out with her and some work colleagues Friday night and she had a blazing row with him over the phone. Not sure what about but that's pretty standard for them. I assume they still went away, and this weekend I've been feeling very low, and lost. This way of feeling i think is because I have come to the conclusion i need to end this triangle.

 

I feel so much for her that I want to be with her i really do but we can't go on how we are.

 

Any advice would be appreciated or any words of wisdom from people in a similar situation would be great.

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She made the decision to move in that direction. You can only honor and respect the decision she made. Her parents may be controlling her and pushing her in that direction for some reason. You may write her a letter, explaining that your honoring her decision and you will keep your work schedule on a platonic relationship only.

 

Don't jeapordize your job. Good luck, Troop.

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If she is so spineless that she lets her mother decide who she dates, then she really isn't a good candidate for a mature relationship.

 

And you have to be careful that her mother isn't just the excuse she makes for why she doesn't leave her boyfried (or a lie) if she is trying to keep you on the hook and get you to accept being her backup plan and not her main man. People will tell all kinds of stories and lies to try to get what they want for themselves.

 

The honorable thing to do her is tell her you understand she is conflicted, and you will step aside and not interfere with her and her boyfriend, and will only agree to date her if she breaks up with him.

 

Meanwhile, get on with your life and date other girls. She has no real incentive to leave him if she can have him and you, and if you mean enough to her, she'll break up with him to be with you. If she doesn't, then it wasn't going anywhere anyway.

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I definitely don't want to date someone like this.

 

I just don't want to fall into the trap of being her pick me up even after I have called off the semi relationship we have going on. We work closely its hard to ignore and even harder not to care.

 

I am mindful of the mother situation being an excuse, and that she may not be being completely honest but at this time I want to break free for me. I don't want to go on like this but am a nice guy and know the pitfalls I have fell into before with other people.

 

Only time will tell and I'm not doing this to try and make her realize what she's missing or anything along those lines.

 

Just wanna lead a full life now, it was good for the 6 months we have had.. really good and maybe could've been something special but nothings changed and I am forcing myself to move on.

 

Just looking for the strength inside to resist!!!

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Recognize that the strength needs to come from within, the understanding that continuing the way you were was just spinning your wheels and not getting you anywhere. Yes, you have little bits of contact, but it was getting you no closer to what you really wanted.

 

Yes, she may have been a fun or exciting person for you, but she is someone else's girlfriend and there is lots of drama. Would you want her to be your girlfriend and carrying on like this with another guy? Whenever you are tempted, remind yourself of that.

 

If she doesn't leave him soon once you quit being with her, then she never would have, and was just stringing you along. You need to align the reality of who she is (willing to cheat and whine and not be mature) with how you perceive her. She really has some problems there, and you shouldn't minimize them when you look at her good points.

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You make so much sense...align perception with reality.

 

I am by my nature someone who likes everyone else to be happy and not necessarily care too much about myself or look at where I am heading. That way of thinking has got me into this position and I am now angry that I have caused in affect my own pain and heartache.

 

I will find the strength by taking the rose tinted specs off.... I see she must be telling me what she may mean?? but ultimately it is also what I want to hear and she is probably doing the same to her boyfriend.

 

After all actions speak louder than words.

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