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Single for Two Years, Too Shy to Ask


Sir Tristan CA
12 Reasons You Can Find Love
12 Reasons You Can Find Love

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Hey all!

 

I'm in a bit of a pickle....

 

See, I've been single for two years now, and I'm really tired of it. The problem is that even though I'm in shape and have a good personality (what I've been told, anyways) I'm constantly feeling as though I'm not good enough to ask girls out, and it's really cutting into my psyche. I work at the local YMCA, and there are lots of girls that either work here or went to school with me (I'm in my frosh year at college) and most of them are really nice and/or attractive. I have always caught them either staring at me or going out of their way to talk to me (even though we'll both be on duty) and yet I always talk myself out of asking them out. I feel like I'll always screw it up since my last two relationships ended because I was first too close and then too aloof. I know I need practice in order to reach the middle ground, but I'm too afraid of creating awkwardness to risk asking.

 

I just need some pointers and hints... Like, how to tell if they actually are interested. The reason I ask is that (and you girls KNOW you're guilty) a lot of girls these days like to flirt with every guy they meet, even though they have no intention of dating them, because it's all harmless fun. Problem: because they all do it around here (SoCal), it's nigh impossible to tell when they mean it vs. when they don't.

 

So that's where you all come in. Wanna help a brother out?

 

Oh, and I've dipped my foot into the online world of dating, and (I mean this in the least rude way possible, because a lot of my coolest friends are on those sites) I'm way out of a lot of those people's leagues.... not personality-wise (I'm a complete dork, and my nickname among friends is Google due to my encyclopedic knowledge of... everything, really.), but physically. I'll work on uploading a picture I guess, but in the meantime I guess I'm just asking you to trust that I've worked really hard this past year to get in shape, and that I did it so I could feel better about myself.

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Truth be known there is no magic formula...being confident socially is like a muscle, the more you do it the stronger you get...

 

...after alittle chit-chat ask for their number. This way things can build one step at a time...

 

...girls like bold guys (not arrogant of course)...no guts no glory...simple as that.

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LOL I just re-read my post... sounded a bit arrogant...

 

I'm not, trust me. I have more self esteem issues than I know what to do with... I just know what I've been told, which is that I'm in really good shape, better than a lot of athletes.

 

The number thing is what I do, but I'm at a loss for what to do next. See, I'm 18, and none of my coworkers are. They're all either 16 or 17, or 19 and 20. So they have their groups of friends that they hang out with, and as much as I love my friends, they aren't really a group of people I'd be showing off to girls (stoners and WOW fans). So it's not like I can invite them to hang out on a group movie night or anything. Likewise, I can't really ask them to invite me places.

 

I dunno, it just seems so difficult...

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You can be the outsider who the girls like. Trust me, they are bored with their social circle.

 

Take alittle more time in building trust with them communicating...however don't over do it...then ask them one on one to do something. If they are giving you their number thats a good sign. Keep it low pressure for a few calls and relaxed...and then suggest something.

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Now, when you say don't overdo it, are you referring to the amount of time I spend building up communication? Or do you mean the intensity of the communication I build up? I ask because I sometimes feel as though I've become the "really cool guy friend that I can just talk to about anything/everythin" to some of these girls because I spend too long just talking...

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Keep it brief...don't be their therapist...don't be a shoulder for them to cry on...all that...they have to earn it...however let them know you listen to them when they communicate...let the exchanges be light at first...if they get intense be sure to end it first and then back off for alittle while.

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Ah, see that'd be an issue for me.... My whole life I've been a sort of therapist for everyone I know. I listen to their problems and give advice that (so far) has always worked... But the issue is that I'm an empath, and so I get roped in to emotional conversations and feel a need to listen to them. I'll even break off a prior engagement if one of my friends is having a really bad day.

 

On the upside, my relationships usually last about a year because I'm not afraid to talk about things.

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Being an empath is good...you can communicate. You've entered their mind now enter their soul;

 

1) Do elevate them and make them realize things about themselves that they never did before (must be true of course)

2)Do inflict equal parts of honest pain for every compliment

3) Do listen

4)Don't give advice all the time, just try listening and letting them know you understand

5)Don't listen for hours on end/break your schedule for them unless its the closest of friends/family

6)Do terminate the conversation at some point

7)Don't be so available-it'll make your availability more worthy.

 

Stop with the drop everythihng to save a friend stuff. Its noble but no girl will respect a guy who gives his bank away for free.

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I got a question for you, OP. You say that girls flirt all the time in your area . Does that mean they flirt with EVERYONE...even the ones with bf's? I just wondered..

 

I am NOT GOOD at flirting. Being friendly yes, but flirting is not one of my strongpoints. To me it's just game playing... and I'm a bit too honest to play games. Just not my make-up or style..Maybe you are the same way.

 

Does it make you wonder, I guess, if they just do it innocently, or just cuz they like the attention?

 

I notice girls acting SO boldy here in our city. We live in a very liberal, way way left wing type place and the things I see girls do in public..well, I guess, I'm old school, but I'm shocked by some of the chicks behavior around here..

 

I guess some guys are drawn to that kind of thing though. I mean confidence is nice, but I think the way people behave in public sometimes, is downright shameful...

 

It just creeps me out. Don't mind me, I just came back from two Halloween bashes..

 

I was standing in the line for the lady's room and there were two chicks standing there, making out.... with each other, like only a few feet away from me! 8-[ It totally creeped me out..

Later I see the same two girls, one was feeling the other one up..right in the middle of the bar

 

I made tracks out of that place in a heartbeat! I hate our city now... it's like ANYTHING goes... it's past creepy...

 

Meanwhile, the guys don't even ask for your phone number.. hey.. that is your problem also, isn't it? Though one guy actually bought me a drink last nite, which is VERY unusual in our town, when I was trying to get out my $$ to pay for my drink.

well, I'd say if they are going up to you and talking and checking you out, they are interested in you. Don't be shy.. Just ask them out for a coffee.. that's pretty low-key... and then you can take it from there...

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