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After 5 weeks of NC we spoke...now what?


lawyer630
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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I finally called my ex after 5 weeks...he had sent me a few texts within those 5 weeks, but I did not respond to all of them. After the last text he sent, I finally picked up the phone to call him. After catching up with each other, he told me that he realized he was the happiest he had ever been when we were together, and they were the happiest years he ever had, and thinks that he will never be happy like that again. He proceeded to tell me that he is still so angry with what happened, and that he thought we would have never ended, and that I was "The One". I did not know how to respond, so I asked him if he was thinking about us lately. He told me that he is working 88 hours a week, so he does not have to think about our breakup because it still hurts so much. He also kept apologizing to me when I told him the things I have been doing alone, going to affairs where he was supposed to be my date. He even asked me if I went alone to these affairs, and I said yes. He kept apologizing to me. I was fine and I said thank you...no tears, no nothing. He then proceeded to tell me that he wants to always be my friend, be there for me, help me whenever he can, be a shoulder to cry on when I need to. He knows that my mom is sick, and that I have been dealing with health issues as well. I just said thank you, but I have a good support network. Then, I told him that it is a shame things ended the way they did, and that we had such a strong connection, and we were lucky to find each other, some people do not get a chance to ever have that. He agreed and knows what we had was special, and what happened between us...the breakup, is not irreconcibile. So, I asked him what he thought about it. He said that he does not think that we can ever be because there is no trust. He is still does not want to take responsibility for/confess to the reasons why I did not trust him...the fact that I was a secret for so long. He then told me that he did not want to talk about it right now, and he hopes I could respect that and that he is sorry but he can't talk about it. He was at work when we spoke, so he had to go and said he would call me later...but later was 4 days ago. I will not call him, and resume NC until he contacts me again. But what does this mean? Is he having regrets? Does it sound like there is any hope? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

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I think the break up is still very fresh and there are lingering feelings of love and everything else still there. Give it more time, a few months perhaps so that both of you can regroup and more realistically see if there is potential for future relationship/friendship or whatever. In the mean time don't contact him (for at least a few months) and avoid his calls also.

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Casey-

Thank you for your response...however, he broke things off mid-August. I had been extremely LC, then NC for 5 weeks...then this happened. I just do not know if he will ever want to speak about it. Maybe he is taking it harder than he thought he would be, or does it seem like he wants to address the breakup...just give him more time?

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Well, he said he didn't want to discuss the issue or would discuss it later (whatever that issue is) and the bottom line is he's still not communicating, so why waste your time? MOST people don't change. And if he's ready to communicate with you about this issue make him come and do it of his own volition...no apologies, no how happy he is when he is with you...none of that crap.

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Hi Lawyer

 

Hun - why are you hankering with getting back with this man? He treated you very poorly, he told you he didn't love you, he lied to you, he kept you a secret, he smashed your self confidence - hmmm.

 

He has told you that you two can never be, he has told you he does not want to take any responsibility, he has told you that he does not want to discuss it.

 

Honey, I know it is as hard as hell, but there is nothing here for you and to be honest, you are much better off out of this.

 

You used to be a confident lady. Leave this jerk alone and your confidence will slowly return.

 

Just my view.

 

Mark

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Thanks...I guess the bigger question is why he is even saying these things to me...why even tell me about how he feels if he does not want to get back together, or even speak about it for that matter?

 

Because he feels all these things, but without him straightening out his relationship to himself and the way he experiences attachment, he's going to continue to be this way. His unresolved issues with attachment overshadow his desire to be in a loving relationship. The result is inner turmoil and confusion.

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