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My mother and and the guilt


girl68

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So I had a big fight over the phone and feel like I want to rant!

 

Background: My brother (special needs) performs in these lip-syncing to music performances once every few months. It's not all that entertaining but I don't mind going to a few here and there- but wouldn't mind not being forced to attend them all. My mother buys 15 tickets in advance without asking if we'd like to attend expecting us (me, partners and relatives) to take them off her hands. I attended the last out out of pressure and want to sit this one out. This one she'll be performing in as well (she's an attention wh0re and loves to do it).

 

Fight: last night she asks if I'd like to attend... I say "well, actaully I was thinking maybe this one I want to sit out."

 

Her what are you doing that's more important than your brother and me?

Me: well nothing but I'm just thinking that I don't want to go to this one, and it DOESN'T have anything to do with the fact you're performing

Her: really then how come you pick this one to sit out?

Me: I wanted to sit the last one out but you guilted me into saying yes because you bought the tickets already and saying you bought them for me... but never asked if I wanted them or anything.

Her: well I must say I'm disappointed that you won't come out and support me and you're brother that's really sad actually. You're not being a very good sister or daughter and I'm very disappointed in your loyalty to this family...

 

She goes on and on about this and how poorly I treat her and my brother and how I don't show support or respect her... yaya ya lays down the guilt on me and everything. I do say it's finally nice to be asked first before she buys tickets. THEN she goes, "Well now I'm stuck with 2 tickets... what am I supposed to do with them!?"

 

Me I didn't ask you to get them for me!

 

Now I have to pay for tickets I don't want... to a show I don't want to see... and I'm just pissed she does this EVERY performance it's like she has to have the biggest group to see her son as if it's a popularity contest.

 

So I blow up and say FINE give me the tickets I'll pay you and everything I'll come sit there and be bitter about it, won't be impressed and that I won't even drag the bf along because I believe he shouldn't have to be pressured into attending something he doesn't want to do... and asked her how does it feel to make someone do something they don't want to do? How does it feel when someone makes YOU feel guilty and like you "have" to do something? and then hung up.

 

End rant. I know it's a little harsh... and it's not a one time deal I accept the tickets often and say yes everytime (until now) farily easily and am totally forced to go... and I hate it.

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I have never deliberately missed anything that my family have been involved in.

 

That's not exactly what I was asking for.. or looking for in terms of responses.

 

Perhaps I should add family background: we're not close, never have been, likely never will be.

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Perhaps that is one of the reasons that you are not close.

 

The fact is that sometimes you sacrifice for family - even in matters such as this. Now if you want to tell your mother that you prefer to be asked first and that she not make assumptions that would be more than reasonable. But just to tell her you don't want to see her perform can only be hurtful to her. Perhaps your brother would be equally hurt or more so - a person with special needs often needs as much support and encouragement as they can get.

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Perhaps that is one of the reasons that you are not close.

 

The fact is that sometimes you sacrifice for family - even in matters such as this. Now if you want to tell your mother that you prefer to be asked first and that she not make assumptions that would be more than reasonable. But just to tell her you don't want to see her perform can only be hurtful to her. Perhaps your brother would be equally hurt or more so - a person with special needs often needs as much support and encouragement as they can get.

 

But does it not count I've been to every other one?

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Unless you had previous plans, I don't see why you wouldn't want to go to support your brother. Whether you and your mothers relationship is good, or not. I can't even count how many completely BORING plays I've went to that my little nephew has been in. Of course I'd rather be out partying on a Saturday night, but I know it would break his heart if I didn't show up.

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