19 personal reasons for complete NC

[fleck1234]

1. she lied to me for at least 2 months about sleeping with someone else

2. she slept with someone else behind my back while still sleeping with me

3. she lied about where she was, what she was doing, when she worked, everything she said was pretty much a lie.

4. she told me she didn't love me anymore

5. she said she wanted to try a relationship with the new guy

6. I told her I can't be her friend, now or ever

7. she is like a drug to me and I need to break the addiction

8. talking to her, or communicating in any form only hurts me and boosts her ego

9. I want her to know I'm serious about NC

10. I want her to realize that once I'm gone, I'm really gone

11. I want to find myself again and get back to the great guy I used to be

12. i don't want to be the back up guy

13. I don't want to be her shoulder to cry on

14. i want my self respect back

15. I want to sleep again, eat normal again

16. i want to heal as quick as possible

17. her contacting me, just sets me back

18. i have to go nc to have time to think clearly and clear my head

19. my mind is poisoned with thoughts of them together and I need to wipe those thoughts out.

 

I'm sure I will think of more, but I have printed this list out and put it on the fridge. I will look at it and read it everyday. NC for me is the only way. Anyone else have other reasons that I have forgotten ? Good luck to everyone going through this and keep up the NC, do not let them back in until your ready.

[GoldenHillGuy]

Right on brother!!! All 19 are valid enough reasons. Stay strong.

[babes23]

Excellent reasons fleck, mine are pretty similar to yours. Keep on going, we can do this!!

[civilservant]

Id say 17 of those are valid, but both if the ones that start 'I want her to know' are irrelevant. NC is about you and you alone, it dosent matter what she knows or dosent know anymore.

 

Good luck though.

[funnybunny]

What a list.

 

You could have stopped at #1.

 

But seriously......... STAY STRONG!

[fleck1234]

Thanks everyone. This list will help me to never contact her again. I appreciate all the support and comments. 3 days and counting.

[mrirving]

wow... what a list!!! It could be me writing it. Thanks for the post. i woke up feeling like complete crap and reading it helped put pieces of my heart back together.

 

Isn't is crazy that people who hurt us so badly and treat us so badly "poison our minds" and feel like an "addction". Seems like by any rational measures, I should not want anything to do with her after that. I mean, sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me, lying to me, stringing me along only to coldly walk away and chase a guy who was himself cheating on his gf with my ex --- I hate her for these things, yet I continue to think about her all the time. I'm on week 4 of NC. If all goes well, I will never speak to her again.

 

#20 --- So we can all find love again!

[fleck1234]

wow... what a list!!! It could be me writing it. Thanks for the post. i woke up feeling like complete crap and reading it helped put pieces of my heart back together.

 

Isn't is crazy that people who hurt us so badly and treat us so badly "poison our minds" and feel like an "addction". Seems like by any rational measures, I should not want anything to do with her after that. I mean, sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me, lying to me, stringing me along only to coldly walk away and chase a guy who was himself cheating on his gf with my ex --- I hate her for these things, yet I continue to think about her all the time. I'm on week 4 of NC. If all goes well, I will never speak to her again.

 

#20 --- So we can all find love again!

 

That is a great # 20. It does seem crazy that we still feel anything towards them, but in my case, sadly I do. I am a smart educated man and I am smart enough to know that this person does not care about me to do these things to me. I want my heart to reach this understanding just like my mind has already done. When that happens I will be at peace with this. I am only on day 4 of NC but I will continue it forever.

[John Bendix]

The one that I would add;

 

I do not want to be a part of ANY toxic situations including this one.

[fleck1234]

The one that I would add;

 

I do not want to be a part of ANY toxic situations including this one.

 

Agreed, my ex was toxic for sure. Even though I am moving on and getting over her, it still pisses me off that she is still in my thoughts. I know NC will help with this, I just want them to go away now. I am tired of thinking about her. ](*,)

[John Bendix]

Agreed, my ex was toxic for sure. Even though I am moving on and getting over her, it still pisses me off that she is still in my thoughts. I know NC will help with this, I just want them to go away now. I am tired of thinking about her. ](*,)

 

Been there.

 

Aceptance brought me through it.

 

Acceptance of what is and that I was causing my thoughts and the emotional reactions to those thoughts. If it pisses you off, that is your reaction and has nothing to do with her. I accepted the feelings I had once I experienced them because they were real, but realized that they need to be seen for what they are, fleeting and temporary. When I accepted them, without judging them (or myself for having them) or the strong desire for them to be different (opposite of acceptance) then they are, their importance diminished.

 

To deny them or judge them and yourself for having them, keeps the loop going of creating them over and over again. In fact, we can go so far as to erroneously make them a part of who we are. "I am angry, sad, unhappy, confused, and so on". Even though WE are not any of those things. They are just emotional reactions to our thoughts and in feedback, those emotions can cause further thoughts along the same lines to continue the loop.

[fleck1234]

Thanks for this John, it makes sense and I have never thought of it like this before. I will re-read this a few times and mentally digest it and then put it to use. Thanks again, great post.