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If you graded these what would they get =P


Beoslasher
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Here is more poems I wrote for my class that make allusions to other poems/ short stories and I was wondering if they are decent. I wrote them within the span of a night, and was ummm.. lets say incapacitated to say the least lol. Ended up pulling an all nighter to get the project done,. (Note to all: Dont drink the night before a projects due =P, so as you can tell I am a bit self conscious) How would you grade these? The First making references to "The Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S Eliot and the latter two about "Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

 

Restless Nights

 

Restless nights said I

I think I'm gonna try

to find a way to stay inside for good

 

the time to murder and create

that lift and drop the plate

I think I want to stay inside for good

 

Like a patient etherized

I do not know what goes outside

I'm going to stay inside for good

 

Insidious Intent

yellow fog that floats content

is it destined to stay outside for good?

 

Time for you and me

until we can't see

I want to stay inside for good

 

Time for indecision

for hundred visions and revisions

is it too late to stay inside for good?

 

I know the voices dying with a dying fall

I know the woes of those who call

it's becoming to late to stay inside for good

 

And I shall spit out the days and the ways

How can I change the world I live in today

How can I stay outside for good?

 

Till human voices wake us and we drown

Until yellow fog surrounds

we will stay inside for good

 

-----------------------------

The Dawn

 

 

When I awake do things change?

the way I look at you?

Oh, my faith what have I done

to deserve to lose you?

How through goggles I can see

the truth inside of everything

the contempt and hate

Malice in my mate

Inside of my Faith

I'll put my head down

and grasp my gnarled cane

and realize that I don't belong

to anything

 

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(This poem has a special set up in that after "Comfortable, suffice" the words seem to twist down the page like the poem itself is gnarled for visual effect)

This Gnarled Cane

 

I feel the curves around my hand

Conforms to fit me nice

Like a glove that is so warm

Comfortable, suffice

 

I feel it twist

Turning slowly

Making a fool of me

 

Oh faith can’t you see!

So sporadic is my mind

 

I think I’m out of line

Where is my faith?

Out at last.

God’s forsaken me.

 

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Thanks for reading!

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