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What the hell to think?


a_lifters_life
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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I go out with her tonight for like ~ 2.5 hours. We go get some coffee and stuff. Then somehow past 'hookups' got brought up . She heard some rumors of 'how far' i went with this one girl, when I didnt...

 

I asked her why the hell she cannot TRUST ME ! She heard a freaking rumor. She said, "oh it's just what I heard" and I was like why the * * * * would you say that? You can't trust me ? She's like I'll always have that fear, I'm like I think I truly show you I AM NOT in this to EVER hurt you !

 

Then she tried to compare me to her ex's (who keep in mind were all jocks and stuff). Im more of computer / smart guy, but not that thought of 'nerd' way know ? Anyway she tried comparing me to that.

 

I was like, that's like me comparing you to a lot of my ex's who went down on me after like 2 weeks. That is TOTALLY UNFAIR!

 

I thought she was getting better between us like these past month or so and then she pulls this * * **.

 

I was breaking away from feeling like I didn't want it anymore until she told me this. Now, I just feel like I'm almost back at square one with her. I mean if you haven't seen my past with her - I met her family after literally a month, we started the rel off in a LDR. I mean stuff many, many men at my age of (19) wouldn't dare deal with.

 

I've been trying to just make her a little less of my life lately, but why the hell does she think this? She is insecure about me cheating on her, because its happened to her in the past......... what to think?

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If she has trust issues then she needs to get this sorted because by no means should she be taking it out on you. Does she believe everything she hears? Rumours can break a relationship so quickly and badly because no one knows what really happened apart from that one person involved.

 

You need to have a talk to her and say that she cant believe everything she hears. They are just RUMOURS not facts. The amount of people who hear a rumour such as 'i heard they cheated on you' end up believeing that it happened and thereforee ruin the relationship. Just talk to her and express how that was just a rumour and she should trust you otherwise she isnt ready for a relationship.

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You are two VERY insecure people, and this relationship is going to go downhill faster than it has been. You don't trust her going out without you, and clearly she doesn't trust you and believes rumours over her own boyfriend.

 

Communication does nothing for the two of you, and you do nothing but butt heads constantly.

 

The two of you have many personal issues and insecurities, nothing is going to change..if it hasn't already. Things are only getting worse.

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You are two VERY insecure people, and this relationship is going to go downhill faster than it has been. You don't trust her going out without you, and clearly she doesn't trust you and believes rumours over her own boyfriend.

 

Communication does nothing for the two of you, and you do nothing but butt heads constantly.

 

The two of you have many personal issues and insecurities, nothing is going to change..if it hasn't already. Things are only getting worse.

 

I do trust her going out without me, it happened the other night - i had no problem with it. Remember she tried to tell me I was apparently all of a sudden 'mad' at her for going out to go help her friend babysit. I didnt care .

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Ok, so one time?

But you express many times how afraid you are that she will drink and cheat on you. So, she went babysiting, not a whole lot of trouble to get into there, is there?

How do you feel when she goes out celebrating after a game and you're not there? Paranoid?

 

You two seriously need to sit down and talk. Thats what I tell you everytime..TALK MATURELY to each other. Communication is clearly awful between the two of you if you can't even figure out the simplest things.

 

You both need to step up and start being a little more mature with things, its a two way street in a relationship.

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you will learn some day man.

 

Learn what ? To let go ? I seriously feel like I should break up with her, soon. It's not that I'm not-confrontive because I totally AM, especially in relationships. I just don't have any hopes/thoughts that there is someone out there whose better and I think that's what I fear most.

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Learn what ? To let go ? I seriously feel like I should break up with her, soon. It's not that I'm not-confrontive because I totally AM, especially in relationships. I just don't have any hopes/thoughts that there is someone out there whose better and I think that's what I fear most.

 

you are 19. there are over 4 billion, BILLION people out there. about 55% or so of the planet is women.

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what are you waiting on? some girl like this, i don't care how into her i was, acts like this, she is gone instantly. i don't care if she is the last girl on earth. forget that.

 

That's the problem man. She's my first love man. I care so much about her, it's like horrible just thinking of not being with her. But, I know for my own good - I really do need to end it. It's just tough to do, * * * * me.

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That's the problem man. She's my first love man. I care so much about her, it's like horrible just thinking of not being with her. But, I know for my own good - I really do need to end it. It's just tough to do, * * * * me.

 

This if your FIRST love. There's a difference between that and REAL love.

 

What the two of you have is petty, childish and immature. It really is. You're wasting your time on someone that seems to not really care.

 

You will get over her when you enter a realtionship with someone that is amazing, that you just click with. All this stupid BS you've been dealing with since the beginning, is sad. And its just a giant red FLAG that it doesn't work and hasn't worked but you're hanging on because you're afraid that you'll never find better..that isn't love. That's borderline obsession and fear of being alone.

 

Wait till you enter a relationship where its freakin amazing and you aren't posting threads every few days complaining about something ridiculous that she's doing or saying.

 

You'd be a fool to claim you'll never get over this. This...this..is nothing. Sorry to say, you haven't experienced true, mutual love yet. And you'd be a fool to settle for her. Because you are settling..settling isn't love.

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Is what I'm doing pathetic ? I'm having trouble what your saying

 

Staying with someone who treats you wrong because they are your first love, is..pathetic. In a certain way, yes.

 

You shouldn't stay with someone who treats you wrong, who isn't right for you, because you're afraid of being alone, because its your first love, because because because.

 

You stay with someone that is amazing, that treats you well, that you share a great connection with, that is passionate and crazy for you, and is there for you, that you communicate with, that respects you etc etc.

 

If your only reason for staying with her is that you're afraid you won't do better, then yes thats pathetic. You need to think better of yourself and realize that this isn't the end. You're 19, and in a relationship that is pretty..crappy. This is the time to be out there finding someone that you just 'work with' it makes sense. You wouldn't have to make half a dozen posts on a regular basis about this person because all this crap wouldn't exist.

Trying to make a person someone they aren't, trying to create this 'love' into something its not, and trying to MAKE a relationship what you want..is pathetic. You shouldn't have to make, it should just be.

 

And not wanting to walk away because its your 'first love' in a nutshell..is very sad and pretty much..pathetic.

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Ok, I know in the past that I did post quite a lot, but not that much. I think the main thing that bothers me with this all is the 'time' she gives me. And I realized time shouldn't be 'given', it should just be there.

 

She claims after this field hockey season that it will all get better (2 weeks from now). Funny thing is - she said the same after I went through that HELL of a summer with her saying "oh, it will get a lot better once we get to school.

 

My problem back then (2 months or so ago) was I got my hopes up thinking at the end of the summer "oh, I think it will change we will get to spend a good amount of time together each week instead of like seeing eachother 1x per week in a temp. LDR (last summer).

 

I'm really just starting to come to the realization that * * * * really isn't going to change that maybe this field hockey season for the past 2 months was just a mere 'cover up' to spend less time with me. I will get the real answer (if I haven't already) once this season is over.

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