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Friendship to RELATIONSHIP


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I am a 25 year-old guy who has a 24 year-old friend (girl). We hang out every couple of weeks or so-- go bowling, the movies, whatever-- but we've never been more than pals. Sometimes we're with firends; other times we're alone. Never kissed. Never held hand. Never even talked about being together.

 

I am-- and have been for some time now-- attracted to her romantically. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I do want to find out if she is interested in moving our current relationship forward.

 

I am going to the movies with her tomorrow. We'll probably get something to eat afterwards. How can I send subtle signals? I want to know if she'd be interested in me, but I don't want to put our friendship in jeopardy.

 

Thanks in advance for any help. Also, if possible, I'd appreciate some concrete advice. When people tell me to "just let her know" or "communicate tactfully" or "flirt" that's a little too vague for me. I am looking for someone to tell me, "Do this, this, and then that." Again, thanks for any and all replies to this post.

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Hey, i was in the same exact situation as you a few months ago. i was friends with this one girl i met at the beginning of the school year and i was really good friends with her. but the difference was, the first time i met her i knew that i wanted to be with her romantically. i waited 3 months to finally build up some guts to think of what to do to let her know. i wanted it to be the perfect moment too. well, over winter break i decided to let her know. my plan was to ask her out after we finished eating dinner at this nice restaurant i took her to. and at that moment when i was goin to tell her, i backed out. i was so mad at myself. but, after we ate and i backed out, we went back to my house. we were in my room and screwin around like we always did. you knwo like pillow fighting, me tickling her and just playing around. well, after all that we were both kind of tired and so we were both laying down on my bed. i started to caress her arms and massaging her back. and then she turned to face me and i knew that this was my chance. i just moved closer and looked at her and she knew what i was doing to. so she moved in too and we started making out on my bed. from then on, we hooked up! so i guess what im trying to tell you is that, dont let opportunities slip away, luckily mine went pretty good. but there is really no perfect time to tell her because the time in which you wait to tell her, something might happen to change the outcome. so like that greek saying, carpe diem. or seize the day, do it whenever you can. you dont even have to tell her anything. just by your actions she can tell, just like me. and it turned out perfect becasue i got to be with someone that ive gotten to know very well and that i really love.

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When this occurs it is normally because the girl is not attracted to the boy. She is probably just using you as someone to pass the time with, like you are another girl. But because she is cute, she is allowed to use people like you. If you force the issue, she may go along with it but it isn't a mutual attraction. Just for kicks tell her you like her or try to hold her hand and see how strangly she acts! Keep your emotions out of it! You will only get hurt and end up feeling terrible.

 

Let her know that you aren't interested in her. She knows that you are interested and she would let you know if she were also interested in you.

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There is no easy way around this I feel.

 

You will just have to find a right moment to reveal your sentiments to her. It is a throw of the dice really. Girls seem to have a better ability of drawing a fine distinct line when it comes to platonic relationships as compared to guys.

 

If you sense that she has been giving off positive vibes, then by all means GO FOR IT! One word of caution, don't make the relationship bitter if she rejects you. That is one price you might have to pay for opening up your heart sometimes.

 

Good luck!

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I was in a smilar situation, and let me tell you what worked. Get to know her a bit more, in the sense, what type of men she likes, what she expects in a relationship and inevitably she will ask you the same questions. The answers you give should give the impression that you are a GREAT guy in all respects. If you are still interested in her after this, like someone said, do not waste an opportunity. You gotta take the initiative, do not start with a serious talk, that you love her and all that, instead kiss her or caress her and she will inevitably respond. Take it from there.

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Thanks for your advice and help!

 

Here's an update on today's outing with this girl I was writing you all about: We went to the movies and to lunch today. We both had a great time, as usual.

 

I tried to drop a few subtle hints: Told her how easy she was to talk to; Reminded her that we always have fun together; Looked at her eyes more than I normally would have; smiled at her jokes more. Paid for her lunch and drinks afterwards (we usually split the check).

 

Sadly, I don't think she noticed any of this. We're still just pals. I didn't have the courage to tell her about my feelings of attraction outright, but our friendship is still strong.

 

I'll probably see her again next weekend when we're both off. Normally we hang out in the afternoon. I was thinking of asking her to do something later in the evening. Do you think this would be a better atmosphere for transforming friendships into relationships?

 

I love being anonymous on the Internet. It allows me to talk about problems in my life that I normally wouldn't share with anybody. Thanks to you all for responding. Any additional comments or advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

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I think that you could try complimenting her a bit. Using alcohol may help. I still think that she knows what you want and that she is just pretending not to notice. Ask if she has ever been in love before and how that relationship went, she may have had some past scares that will open up if you ask her the right questions.

 

Try to be really open to everything that she says which will make it easier for her to talk, let her say what ever she thinks of, it is hard to balance but try to be vulnerable without being needy.

 

Ask what she really likes in a guy or doesn't. If you are feeling confident you could have her rate your relationship with her on a scale of 1 - 10.

 

Make sure that she isn't actually in a relationship now...

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Sisterlynch, you are probably right. I hate to think she's playing dumb and don't know how I feel, but there's a chance she could be doing just that.

 

I know she's not seeing anyone now because she has always told me a good deal about her relationships with others. I guess because she's always been so open with me I hoped I'd have a good chance at winning some romance here.

 

When I see her next, I'll scope her out a little more and take your advice. I'll see how she reacts to hand-holding, if the opportunity presents itself. And I'll talk with her about our current relationship and work on complimenting her. It's good advice for testing the waters. Thank you.

 

Anything beyond that, though, and I think I ought to back off. If she has been catching my signals, she's could be ignoring them in order to preserve our friendship.

 

Oh yes... I like your tagline, Sisterlynch. "Lolve is friendship that catches fire..." It's practically my inspiration here.

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