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How can you tell what people want? Watch what they do.


waveseer

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The title of this topic really says it all. You can easily tell what people want not by listening to what they say but by watching what they do.

 

What I like so much about looking at things this way is that it cuts through all the games. I don't like to play games and I don't like when games are played with me.

 

So instead of wondering what the other person is thinking, I just look at what they are doing (or not doing). I find it a very accurate indication of what they really want (and are prepared to go get).

 

What do you think about this?

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I think you have to both watch the actions AND listen to the words and evaluate whether the actions and the words support each other or contradict each other. For example, there are many situations where a person SPEAKS fancy words of love but treats their partner like crap...on the other hand, there are many situations where the person puts on a big show of acting like someone's partner and yet their words don't match...eg the cases where the couple is dating, having sex, going places together, going on vacations together and yet when asked if they are an official couple the partner says he/she is not ready for that. So actions can also be misconstrued if words don't match the actions.

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Well, I also think you should pay close attention to what people say. Don't get me wrong - how they act is extremely important, but I've read and experienced that what people say is usually a good indicator of what they will do.

 

I'm in the process of breaking away from a girl who showed alot of early warning signs to me in things she said.

 

Here's an excerpt from a pretty popular article on ENA about early warning signs that you are dating a loser. One of the sections -

 

15. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves.....People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way.

 

A few years ago, I was dating this girl. After a few great dates, she randomly says, "I don't think I can be with just one guy." I stopped talking to her, but she begged for me back, stupid me. To this day, I ask myself how could I, in my right mind, take back a girl who would say something like that??? I wound up getting engaged to this girl and the relationship was a total mess. She wound up leaving me after 3 years. When I talked to ppl about what she said, most thought she was just scared or trying to scare me into being with her. When I asked her, she told me she was indeed scared, but it was all just a lie.

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I was assuming that there was some question about what they wanted to begin with i.e. their words and actions didn't match.

 

People will tell you who they are, who they were, and who they want to be. But you can still tell what they want by what they are doing right now.

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I believe in watching what they do. Ive heard the works from plenty of people about what they want, but what they really want shines through by how they act. Too many people these days seem ok with flubbing words in order to put on a facade

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i'm not sure i'm following you completely.

 

what do you mean "look at what they're doing"?

 

can you give an example?

 

Let's say you are dating someone and they claim they REALLY like you. Then you begin to notice that they are more busy than available for you to spend time with so you talk with them and they claim again that they REALLY like you and there's nothing different.

 

I realize that there could be a legitimate (and maybe temporary) reason why they are so busy, however, assume for our purposes that whatever that reason was they kept it to themselves.

 

You are now faced with a dilemma. Their words and actions no longer match. Which do you believe? I believe that it's much simpler and more accurate to base my response on what they are (or in this case aren't) doing rather than what they are saying. This way I cannot be fooled (again).

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