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Sent email to tell ex I'm moving 3,000 miles away


Traveler27
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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I am moving in two days and contacted my ex via email to let him know I will be leaving town.

 

Here's a link to a recent thread regarding this if anyone's interested:

 

 

I emailed him this afternoon briefly stating that I was leaving and thought he should know, hope he's happy and well, etc. etc.

 

I received his response shortly after and ever since I read it I feel so sad. I initiated our breakup, but we both knew things weren't working. His response to my email was so touching. Basically he said he was happy to hear from me even though hearing the news that I was leaving made him feel sad. He said he liked knowing I was still in the same city; that even though we have been mostly no contact, it was comforting to him knowing I was still in town.

 

Now, I am moving 3,000 miles away, and to be honest, I am going to miss just knowing that he is in close proximity. Even though we haven't spoken or seen each other for months, I felt some strange reassurance knowing he was near. In his reply, he also said that if I need him he will always be there. It's so heartbreaking and I guess I'm just scared as this will be another phase in the "healing" process of a long term breakup.

 

Can anyone relate? I think being in contact (even just simple email exchanges on a very limited basis) can sometimes make the process even more painful. I just feel sad -- for both of us.

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Hey Traveler, I have been through this. I divorced within the past year or so while I was deployed to Iraq. I carry full blame for my divorce, I chose to take a promotion that I knew would put me out on deployment for multiple years in a row. I know the issues that are associated with a 3000 mile seperation, they are hard, especially when children are involved. I am stateside now due to medical reasons and the ex has been great, making sure I get to see my kids every day and my son actually spends the night with me on non-school nights.

 

I think the one thing I have learned from my experiences if you have to so flexible. One of the motto's in the combat unit I am assigned to is "Push the envelope, watch it bend". This carry's over into the relationship with my ex. although, instead of pushing the envelope and watching it bend it is more of a let her push and watch myself bend. I know she is still upset with me for making the selfish decision I made to take this promotion. I have always maintained that my divorce was my fault, and that I chose this promotion over my marriage. I know the majority of you will think that what I did is horrible but it's the truth. My ex and I maintain a really close friendship, which is great for the kids. I think that we are able to maintain this relationship because there were no outside parties (other than the Army) involved. I would have been furious if she had cheated on me and she would have been furious as well.

 

There are other men in my unit who have had divorces happen under near identical circumstances. One of them is in purgatory at the moment as his wife filed papers, then retracted them saying she will get the paperwork started again when he is stateside. I feel sorry for my brother as he was hit with an RPG in the same attack I was wounded. So as he is stateside dealing and battling with saving his own life (he was hit much worse than I) he will have the added pressure of dealing with this.

 

My point of the history of relationships I have shared with you is this. Sometimes when a person is either in the same city or on the other side of the world, it has to become the norm for that relationship. Regardless of how divorces end there will be a relationship of some sort with everyone's ex to the day we die. How this relationship is handled is largely left to us. I have found it is better to bend when she pushes. I look at the long term big picture and realize when she is emotional I am best to take the punches, smile, and forgive and forget. Good luck, Troop.

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Hey trooper - you did nothing wrong. The whole family is part of the military with you. My dad and mom were both Army and we moved almost every year. My dad was in Vietnam for several tours, and then was constantly on TDY, then in training, then at the War College for a year. My parents marriage made it 28 years through all of that, and didn't end until he came home and retired!! It's a hard life, but it really is doable.

 

to traveler - I moved 1500 miles from my first ex and 3000 from my second ex within days of breaking up. My most recent breakup almost had me moving 850 miles away within a month but that job offer didn't pan out. It doesn't really bother me, mainly since now we have the internet and they can easily reach us if they want.

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as a positive perhaps you will feel relief that there is no chance of bumping into one another. I know yours does not sound like a nasty breakup so this might not worry you but i personally dread bumping into my ex with his girlfriend and would love to move away but i love living in london so i guess i wish he would move away!

 

One day when youve both moved on to new people, there will be extra freedom and space to heal by the fact that youre living in different places, without bumping into one another to remind you of the past/pain.

 

just a thought of an upside.

 

Plus you have an excciting new adventure ahead of you with your new home!

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