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Alcohol + Dating/Love: Honesty or Deception?


BlondeAmbition

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Simple question, wanting responses: Does alcohol make you more honest, in regards to feelings? Or just merely exaggerate or distort them?

 

Story:

 

My best guy friend of 6+ years (met in 2001/2002) broke up with me two weeks ago after 4 months dating. No cheating, just arguments over what to expect in a relationship. I send an email a heartfelt week later, and he replies later that night, drunk, with lots of sweet things, regretting things, wanting to work it out, that I make him happier than he's been in years, etc. He ends with: I hope we can meet soon...today/tomorrow.

 

Now...nothing. No follow up. No contact other than a simple text of "Sorry, I'm still confused." It's been several days since that.

 

Ummmm help! I'm so utterly confused. Was he completely full of sh*t or did he mean ANY of it? My heart is not a hackey sack...

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Alcohol is a depressant. It can make people feel like crap, and make them do things they think they want.

 

Hence the typical 'drunk dial'. Its nothing for me to go out on the weekend and have a friend or two drunk dial an ex and do the whole "I LOVE YOU, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.." and wake up the next morning wanting to know what they did the night before, or really regretting what they did. And it happens ALOT.

 

I think alcohol can bring out honesty to a certain extent, but it can also cloud judgement. My friend so desperately wants to get back with her ex, but she can't put herself through it anymore, but whenever she has a drink or two in her, she's on the phone saying I LOVE YOU..and the next day regretting it.

 

Did you contact him after that? Is he waiting for you to contact him? Is he aware he sent you that email? If you're trying to figure it out, go to the source, him, nd ask.

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Well after his text reply to mine, a few days after his drunk email, he said "Sorry, I'm still confused. I should have replied sooner. Hope this doesn't wake you." So I texted back the next day, saying "Well, based on your email and mine, I thought we were both open to meeting and talking. I hope that's still true..."

 

It's now been...three days. Nothing. But we were really close friends for nearly 6 years. And his drunk email had said "I don't want to lose you again for another year and a half [referring to when I dated my recent ex] because you and I can't figure out our relationship stuff."

 

He just said so much in his email, and it was really long....I just can't imagine a guy, this guy, my close friend/recent ex, being that much of a jerk to just drunk email and not mean any of it...

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Well, when we were together...when he was drunk, he was always very happy, and more affectionate with me, and would express himself more emotinoally (though that's probably a given with most guys.)

 

If he's the one that broke it off, then I sent an email...then he replied 6 hours later, drunk, with a verrrry long response email filled with lots of positive, sweet things....is this him being honest, or just "missing me because he is drunk.".....

 

The fact that he's "confused" now and hasn't made attempts to contact me...makes me fear that he was "drunk and made it all up cuz he was horny/whatever." Is his email revealing...or deceptive?

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I divorced my ex because of infidelity. I love her more than she'll ever know, but I feel confident that I won't ever regain the trust that she took for granted. This is how I feel sober. When I drink, I still feel that same intense love for her, but without the little voice in the back of my head reminding me why I divorced her. This has caused me to say alot of things under the influence that I truly did mean, but I wouldn't have if I had been thinking clearly. Maybe this is the case for him as well. Alcohol definitely clouds your judgement, as stated earlier.

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The way you feel about a person can be complex. It's more than just "I love her" or "I hate her", it can be a mix of both. When you're drunk, it gets even more confusing. As Asti pointed out, alcohol is indeed a depressant, and it can make you feel like you need to love and to be loved, especially if you've recently gone through a break-up and have an emotional void to fill. Alcohol does cloud your judgement, so you can be drunk and crave the love you used to have, then wake up the next day and remember why it didn't work out.

 

Do not listen to what he says when he's drunk. He probably means the things he says at the time, but as soon as the alcohol wears off, the cards are dealt again.

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I was with someone long term who was a really fun, emotional drunk. He also had somewhat of a drinking problem after awhile. I found that a very poor way to judge him as a person as far as potential for a long term relationship because I definitely didn't want to count on him drinking so that he would be "open" with me. And, if you add alcohol to e-mailing which itself has the risk of being overdone or not as real as phone contact or face to face, I don't think relying on a drunk email makes much sense.

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