Kissing a complete stranger in under 12 minutes.

[Luke Skywalker]

Dating Coach,

 

The website 'link removed' suggested to approach two random woman and ask for their names. I'm not sure why it put that instruction, but it appears to be very ackward to go up to anyone and ask them "what is their name?" (naturally, I'd probably have to soften it up if they tighten up by saying, "you seem familiar like I've known you from somewhere and I'm just trying to put a name to a face"). I just couldn't go up to a stranger or someone and ask their name even once today as part of that exercise - it just felt to ackward. Have you tried it?

 

Also, what about when a woman looks at you and looks away really quickly or doesn't really give you a second look. I mean you probably wouldn't approach that woman or do anything with her right? So, how do approaches work if you may not be attractive to the woman, or if she shows signs of disinterest to you?

[grymoire]

I have gone up to random women, introduced myself, and had a decent conversation. My problem is only when it comes to getting a date.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Also, what about when a woman looks at you and looks away really quickly or doesn't really give you a second look. I mean you probably wouldn't approach that woman or do anything with her right? So, how do approaches work if you may not be attractive to the woman, or if she shows signs of disinterest to you?

 

Why would you truly care? The thing about having the confidence to do things like this is also being indifferent to the outcome. So what if the girl isn't interested? It doesn't(at least it shouldn't)stop you from trying anyway. Not every girl will open up to you all the time, it's foolish to think otherwise but guys like him are indifferent to the outcome. So the girl shoots him down, he moves onto the next girl, it's that kind of things that sets apart not just PUA but just in general confident guys apart from the average guy who would take the rejection personally and not want to approach another girl for as long as he lives.

 

Plus the only way you will get "better" at being confident or being indifferent is to go upto girls and be rejected, over and over again until you just don't care when it(inevitably)happens. It's all linked to confidence in one way or another, don't overthink it, it's a simple solution to a simple problem.

[grymoire]

I agree with this completely...

 

I guess some of us care so much about what the girl may feel/think. It becomes a hurdle.

[ghost69]

^^^^^^yeah but you guys are so self-conscious that you don't make moves. completely different.

[grymoire]

^^^^^^yeah but you guys are so self-conscious that you don't make moves. completely different.

 

i didn't understand ghost... what is the difference between being self-conscious and worrying about what the girl might think?

[Salucious]

BTW, I expect a lot of guys will blame this man's success as "he's better looking than me." That's not a valid excuse. There are ugly guys who do this too. Look no further than Neil Strauss. What is really the point here is this guy's social skills. That I wager is probably more advanced than yours, and that's the point here. You can learn it too.

 

The thing is, the only types of guys who have made these videos ARE decent looking, at least the ones I've seen so far. Now, if I saw a video of a guy doing the same thing who was 5'5" and below average looks, then it might impress me. But the guy in the video IS good looking, so only saying that it works for any guy isn't convincing enough. And I've never heard anyone say that Neil Strauss was ever considered ugly, so saying "just look at him" doesn't say much. I think social skills are extremely hard to LEARN. The level that your social skills are at are usually a result of your life's experiences, which are hard to ignore. It is easy to tell someone what to do or say, but another thing to teach them HOW to do it. I think it has more to do with confidence and self-esteem than how you approach. I think confidence allows you to approach in your own way, or whatever works for you.

[DaBladeRoden]

The thing is, the only types of guys who have made these videos ARE decent looking, at least the ones I've seen so far. Now, if I saw a video of a guy doing the same thing who was 5'5" and below average looks, then it might impress me. But the guy in the video IS good looking, so only saying that it works for any guy isn't convincing enough.

 

Yeah, but did you see his vest?

[sns256]

You have to keep in mind that he is only showing his successes. He could have tried to do this with a dozen women that day to make that video. It is like those street magic videos. You only see their successful attempts. Sometimes it doesn’t work for them either.

 

That being said there is a lot going on in that video. He is following set process roughly, but he is able to react to any situation that she throws at him instantly. That takes some serious skill and practice.

 

Nothing in that video really showed me anything that I could do with my present skill set, or anything to help improve it. However what is in that video is a “home run”. I can’t expect myself to pull off what he did in that video right away. Heck that would probably take me years to do anything remotely like that. I think that is what Dating Coach is trying to get at is to take smaller steps to try and achieve this. You don’t need to try this right away.

 

But the trouble is taking that first step, for me at least anyway. I am getting close to the point where I am just going to tell myself, screw it and just start talking to a girl I am interested in. I am very close not caring what the outcome will be. Thanks Dating Coach, this is an interesting topic to discuss.

[Luke Skywalker]

The thing is, the only types of guys who have made these videos ARE decent looking, at least the ones I've seen so far.

 

Right, I've done an acid test on myself, and I feel that I too am not repulsively ugly but just average, I wouldn't consider myself hot. So, I would feel that this video is directed at people such as myself who are shy and who feel that women would freak out if you were to touch them or make an approach out of the blue. When I did an acid test on myself on an adult profile, women were surprized to find out I was a virgin and even thought I was lying about it because I really didn't look repulsive and am reasonably handsome.

 

Now, if I saw a video of a guy doing the same thing who was 5'5" and below average looks, then it might impress me. But the guy in the video IS good looking, so only saying that it works for any guy isn't convincing enough.

 

That's up to interpretation. I don't think he looks hot, like a male model or anything like that. Are you saying that he looks ABOVE average and that he has more leverage because of his looks? Or does it reflect that women are usually friendly enough so you can approach them with confidence?

 

And I've never heard anyone say that Neil Strauss was ever considered ugly, so saying "just look at him" doesn't say much.

 

Yeah, but you don't have to be considered ugly to fail with girls. You could be an average looking guy, but if you don't have confidence or balls to approach, or have 'game' as they say, then you could still fail. It makes it worst because you can't really blame your ugliness or looks on your personal situation in life with women, obviously if you could, then that would be the easy way out.

 

I think social skills are extremely hard to LEARN. The level that your social skills are at are usually a result of your life's experiences, which are hard to ignore. It is easy to tell someone what to do or say, but another thing to teach them HOW to do it. I think it has more to do with confidence and self-esteem than how you approach. I think confidence allows you to approach in your own way, or whatever works for you.

 

I agree - it's like jumping into the deep end of a pool without knowing how to swim and legitimately worrying that you will drown. But then again, maybe the survival mode will kick in, and you'll fight for your life and learn to swim the hard way, maybe you'll have to be rescued out.

 

Some of the stuff feels like you are jumping into the deep end of the pool sometimes, but there is no physical risk of anything happening of a girl ignores your approach, it's all psychological. I would assume, that if you take that jump, then, maybe this 'mode' will click in and you begin to think on your feet. But the thing is I like to analyze and often just talk myself out of approaching. So, if you can beat that paralysis of analysis, then that's where the true battle really is sometimes.

[Night Pumpkin]

I have some strong opinions about all these websites popping up telling me how to seduce women.

 

If you have to put on a show just to get some women to sleep with you, then you are really denying your true self, and just for sex !!!

 

If you are such a low life that you can't get a girlfriend without resorting to special techniques, my advice would be to stay away from women and don't break thier hearts, get out some porn, and have fun wacking off to it. Don't waste your time breaking women's hearts - Seriously.......much better just to wack off than to destroy someone else's life.

[grymoire]

I have some strong opinions about all these websites popping up telling me how to seduce women.

 

If you have to put on a show just to get some women to sleep with you, then you are really denying your true self, and just for sex !!!

 

If you are such a low life that you can't get a girlfriend without resorting to special techniques, my advice would be to stay away from women and don't break thier hearts, get out some porn, and have fun wacking off to it. Don't waste your time breaking women's hearts - Seriously.......much better just to wack off than to destroy someone else's life.

 

wow.. this is pretty strong...

 

how is this different from the many magazines that tell women how to attract men???

[JadedStar]

The whole thing of "kiss closed" a girl is in itself so sickening.

 

And not to mention, that guy is a little dweeb. He has the kind of overconfidence that i spot a mile away. And the girl was walking with him because she was hopeful he could get her a job in a resort. NOt because she was really enamored with him.

 

I'm not lying when i say he has the same techniques of the guy who tried to sell me a car last month at the nissan dealership.

 

I didn't buy the car. Went to another place. He didn't have what i wanted. LOL

[Luke Skywalker]

The whole thing of "kiss closed" a girl is in itself so sickening.

 

And not to mention, that guy is a little dweeb. He has the kind of overconfidence that i spot a mile away. And the girl was walking with him because she was hopeful he could get her a job in a resort. NOt because she was really enamored with him.

 

Good observation !!! He just played a HIGH-VALUE card. Sure, and I'm a big executive CEO, or some big shot that can give a girl a job and lie about it. That's really plaing game really thick.

 

Dating coach is going to have to respond to that. Many shy guys aren't the type that's going to put on a bragging stick on their own life, let alone lying and making up stories just so you can trick a girl into kissing you.

 

I can lie and brag about how I'm making millions in Real-Estate, and hang around with me and kiss me and you'll magically be successful too. What is this? What does Dating Coach respond to this?

[sti_2004]

That video was retarded.

Just like a pushy salesman like jaded said. And yeah hes lucky he didnt get punched in the face with that sneak-a-kiss. Thats why she dropped the f-bomb. Im sure the whole time in the back of her mind she was wondering is she was going to get assulted.

 

I agree with your message though datingcoach. just not the vid. people downunder arnt all that "hot" so that dude was pretty much a 10 by their standards.

[Dating Coach]

The website 'link removed' suggested to approach two random woman and ask for their names. I'm not sure why it put that instruction, but it appears to be very ackward to go up to anyone and ask them "what is their name?" (naturally, I'd probably have to soften it up if they tighten up by saying, "you seem familiar like I've known you from somewhere and I'm just trying to put a name to a face"). I just couldn't go up to a stranger or someone and ask their name even once today as part of that exercise - it just felt to ackward. Have you tried it?

 

Yes I have tried it. Not because of this video, but that's how I met my fiancee'. She was with two other friends talking to a friend of mine and I walked up and asked their names.

 

But this is not the point Luke. I am not here to tell you to follow this guy's methods. I am simply showing those that are afraid of approaching women that it doesn't have to be all that scary.

 

Also, what about when a woman looks at you and looks away really quickly or doesn't really give you a second look. I mean you probably wouldn't approach that woman or do anything with her right? So, how do approaches work if you may not be attractive to the woman, or if she shows signs of disinterest to you?

 

If you approach her with the right level of confidence, body language, and tone of voice she will not ignore you. Your presense will be too "powerful" to simply ignore. If she somehow still does (which would be rare if done right) then who cares? She's a stranger that wouldn't talk to me. I suppose that's supposed to make me run home and bury my face in my pillow. Seriously, no big deal. Move on and meet someone else.

[Dating Coach]

The thing is, the only types of guys who have made these videos ARE decent looking, at least the ones I've seen so far.

 

Youtube Neil Strauss. Not only is he not good looking, but he's extremely frail, has a high pitched voice, and laughs like a creepy girl.

 

I've never heard anyone say that Neil Strauss was ever considered ugly, so saying "just look at him" doesn't say much.

 

Why would you hear that? Do you go around with a Neil Strauss picture asking girls if they think he is hot? I think just by looking at hiim you can tell he isn't the best looking guy in the room by a long shot. Now... Neil has learned how to dress, and having some style helps a TON, plus he also learned how to carry himself and his body language makes him look more Alpha type... but if he still looks as "average" as he does after his "transformation" then imagine what he looked like before he had a clue.

 

I think social skills are extremely hard to LEARN. The level that your social skills are at are usually a result of your life's experiences, which are hard to ignore.

 

Sal, no one said it was easy. If you're looking for a 7 Minute Abs solution to having poor social skills then good luck. Let me know when you find it.

 

It is easy to tell someone what to do or say, but another thing to teach them HOW to do it. I think it has more to do with confidence and self-esteem than how you approach. I think confidence allows you to approach in your own way, or whatever works for you.

 

Which is why I say in my Guide that a man should work on himself FIRST. Most guys who continuously fail in the Dating World aren't even ready for the relationship they want even if they actually get one. They would usually mess it up because they never properly addressed their own issues.

 

You want to talk about how easy or hard something is... look no further than trying to help a guy who refuses to listen, try, or keep an open mind. A guy like that... he's not going to get help. Until he is actually WILLING to put in the effort and accepts that it will be a challenge littered with small failures and slow gain... then there is nothing that is going to change.

[Dating Coach]

You have to keep in mind that he is only showing his successes. He could have tried to do this with a dozen women that day to make that video.

 

That may very well be true... but tell me this: What does that matter? The point is to show that you can meet women if you try, not that you will get every single girl you try for. If you never try, you will rarely succeed, and certainly not enjoy the greater success of trying.

 

That being said there is a lot going on in that video. He is following set process roughly, but he is able to react to any situation that she throws at him instantly. That takes some serious skill and practice.

 

Good point. Look at these forums. Look at how many guys finally make a move or ask a girl out and she does something "unexpected". Those guys freeze up and back off. They totally fail to adapt and continue pursuing on the spot. Their constant freezing and fear cause the interactions with the girl to become so boring and frustrating. This guy breezes through every challenge she throws out and continues to plod on forward. That's advanced social skill.

 

I think that is what Dating Coach is trying to get at is to take smaller steps to try and achieve this. You don’t need to try this right away.

 

Of course, but I am not even telling guys to try exactly what he did. I just want guys to see how easy if CAN be.

 

But the trouble is taking that first step, for me at least anyway. I am getting close to the point where I am just going to tell myself, screw it and just start talking to a girl I am interested in. I am very close not caring what the outcome will be. Thanks Dating Coach, this is an interesting topic to discuss.

 

That is a big first step. Realizing it's not a big deal and thus removing all of that huge load of pressure so many guys carry when they try to talk to a girl. That huge load on the shoulders does not need to be there.

[Dating Coach]

If you have to put on a show just to get some women to sleep with you, then you are really denying your true self, and just for sex !!!

 

NP, this is wrong in so many ways. I think it's clear you don't understand this topic at all. I am not saying that in an attempt to ridicule you, it's an honest assessment based off this post of yours.

 

A) How was the guy in this video "putting on a show"? Let me rephrase that. How is he "not being his true self?"

 

B) What is being your true self? Being attracted to a girl but too afraid to talk to her? Is it talking to a girl you like but stuttering over your words and being unable to put together anything coherant? Is it moving in as friends because you're too scared to ask her out? Is it watching an attractive girl walk by and doing nothing because you don't know what to say?

 

Seriously, I don't get what you are talking about here. Let's stay on topic, don't pull up random websites from Joe Blow to talk about. We're talking about this video and the idea that it's okay to talk to women.

 

The only thing this guy did was know how to talk to a girl so he didn't make himself look like a fool by stuttering or wimping away. He knew how to continue an interesting conversation, he knew how to read her signals and send his own, and he made moves. How is this "not being true to himself"? I see that comment all of the time from lonely shy guys and it's really starting to look like an excuse.

 

If you are such a low life that you can't get a girlfriend without resorting to special techniques, my advice would be to stay away from women and don't break thier hearts, get out some porn, and have fun wacking off to it. Don't waste your time breaking women's hearts - Seriously.......much better just to wack off than to destroy someone else's life.

 

Who said anything about breaking womens hearts? Who said anything about destroying someone's life? I think you either really have the wrong idea or you're just really bitter. No one is talking about guys who play girls.

[Dating Coach]

And the girl was walking with him because she was hopeful he could get her a job in a resort. NOt because she was really enamored with him.

 

That's not what her body language said.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Wow, I didn't think the guys who responded to this thread could be so negative about a video. Thinking it's dishonest, that he's using "tricks" to "snare" that girl, please grow up, I'm surprised DC hasn't lost it tbh, I just have about reading all these silly comments from you guys(and girls alike). No one can say that they wouldn't fall for these "tricks" in real life, it's easy to say something but when it happens it's a different story, no matter how often or how forceful you say "That won't ever happen to me" or "I wouldn't fall for that" it could happen, you just don't know it. On the other hand it may not happen to you ever but you can't be so close minded to say these things won't EVER work on you.

 

I don't even think it's about the video anymore, you guys are trying to find excuses for something which is completely natural, maybe not for you but it is something natural. The guy is confident about himself, his situation, the signs he's reading, he is confident about the whole interaction, if that is somehow deceitful to the girl in any way then please let me know, if anything he is being the most honest about his intentions. The average guy will try to hide the fact that he likes or is interested in a girl and will buy her gifts to get her to spend time with him, now that is deceitful and dishonest, they don't have the balls to go about telling the girl how it is and how it's going to go down, that is being direct and honest in a confident way, you can't fault a girl for liking someone like that, it's better than getting the average guy biting at your heels trying to get your attention.

 

Those who say they couldn't do that, could you beat yourself up anymore than you already have? Just from those kind of responses I can tell that you guys don't have alot of self esteem nor are very confident, if at all. The first step to be more confident would be to shelve these self defeating ideas that it's not you and that you're lying about who you are, that's crap. You are presenting who you are in a confident manner, coming accross as someone who doesn't take crap, someone who is a leader and can communicate with anyone to get what you want, it is not manipulating, if anything it's what you really should be but the negativeness you display is holding you back which is why you will(at least not without a lot of hard work)not be confident in the first place.

 

Like DC said the first step is always the biggest one but once you get into the swing of being yourself, your true self then it'll get easier along the way. If anything I believe you're not being yourself if you're not confident, if anything confidence doesn't just boil down to be used in dating, it's used in everyday life, at home, in the workplace, with your friends, you can't afford to not be confident otherwise you are missing out on so much, so just ditch the negative connotations linked to being confidence, quit * * * * * ing and actually go out there and be confident, once you are you won't regret it.

[Dating Coach]

Good observation !!! He just played a HIGH-VALUE card. Sure, and I'm a big executive CEO, or some big shot that can give a girl a job and lie about it. That's really plaing game really thick.

 

Dating coach is going to have to respond to that. Many shy guys aren't the type that's going to put on a bragging stick on their own life, let alone lying and making up stories just so you can trick a girl into kissing you.

 

I can lie and brag about how I'm making millions in Real-Estate, and hang around with me and kiss me and you'll magically be successful too. What is this? What does Dating Coach respond to this?

 

I must have missed something. He said he was a High Level Executive?

[Dating Coach]

That video was retarded.

Just like a pushy salesman like jaded said. And yeah hes lucky he didnt get punched in the face with that sneak-a-kiss. Thats why she dropped the f-bomb. Im sure the whole time in the back of her mind she was wondering is she was going to get assulted.

 

You're wrong. Her body language totally was into him before the kiss. Sure it caught her off guard and she was nervous... but she liked it! Or him. Either way, after the kiss notice in the video that she leans toward him again, almost as if asking for another kiss. Needless to say, he either did or could have secured a date with her after this encounter... and that's the point.

[Dating Coach]

Wow, I didn't think the guys who responded to this thread could be so negative about a video.

 

I've noticed (and I am not talking about specific guys here) that a lot of guys who are really shy look for reasons to justify their ineptitude to attract women by attacking men willing to do the approaching and saying that they would be the better boyfriends. It's illogical and wrong. They seem to want to excuse their own actions and refuse to try to seize control of their lives for once.

 

Thinking it's dishonest, that he's using "tricks" to "snare" that girl, please grow up, I'm surprised DC hasn't lost it tbh, I just have about reading all these silly comments from you guys(and girls alike). No one can say that they wouldn't fall for these "tricks" in real life, it's easy to say something but when it happens it's a different story, no matter how often or how forceful you say "That won't ever happen to me" or "I wouldn't fall for that" it could happen, you just don't know it. On the other hand it may not happen to you ever but you can't be so close minded to say these things won't EVER work on you.

 

There is no need for me to lose my cool, that would be counter-productive.

 

Yes, what you say is true. It's a lot easier to say "watch this video where a guy picks up a girl" and then to watch it and say, "Oh cheese, I would never allow this" than it is to be in the situation and actually be interpreting so many more signals than you saw on the vid all at once. We're getting an omnicient view right now as opposed to the girl in the video who had a first person view.

 

I go back to the story of how I met my fiancee'. She too saw this video and said the exact same things that Jaded is saying. EXACT same. But what's funny is that I met her in a similar scenario. I walked up to her and two of her friends and asked their names, then introduced myself. Before I said a word I walked up, stood side by side with my future fiancee' and put my arm around her waist while facing her friends. To this day she says I never did that and she wouldn't have tolerated it if I had. Well I remember doing it. Maybe I made such a strong impression in other ways that she wasn't aware of it, who knows. But it happened and here we are nearly 6 years later with a baby girl and a ring. I also tried to kiss her on the first date and was declined but that's another story.

 

I don't even think it's about the video anymore, you guys are trying to find excuses for something which is completely natural, maybe not for you but it is something natural. The guy is confident about himself, his situation, the signs he's reading, he is confident about the whole interaction, if that is somehow deceitful to the girl in any way then please let me know, if anything he is being the most honest about his intentions.

 

Very true. The thing is, they shy clueless guys are afraid of this guy. It's true. You see the same reaction from tons of shy guys all day long. I could take this to another forum and post it to get the same reaction from shy guys. They feel threatened by a guy who can do what they only wish they could do, and that's attract women. So instead of facing that or accepting it, they want to bash his methods and act as if theirs is so much more "moral".

 

The average guy will try to hide the fact that he likes or is interested in a girl and will buy her gifts to get her to spend time with him, now that is deceitful and dishonest, they don't have the balls to go about telling the girl how it is and how it's going to go down, that is being direct and honest in a confident way, you can't fault a girl for liking someone like that, it's better than getting the average guy biting at your heels trying to get your attention.

 

True again. Keeping your crush secret while continuing to develope closeness to a girl is deceitful, far more than anything this guy did in the video. And the guy in the video got her number AND a kiss all within 12 minutes. The "friend" sometimes sits there for a year or more with NOTHING but heartache and longing.

 

Those who say they couldn't do that, could you beat yourself up anymore than you already have? Just from those kind of responses I can tell that you guys don't have alot of self esteem nor are very confident, if at all. The first step to be more confident would be to shelve these self defeating ideas that it's not you and that you're lying about who you are, that's crap. You are presenting who you are in a confident manner, coming accross as someone who doesn't take crap, someone who is a leader and can communicate with anyone to get what you want, it is not manipulating, if anything it's what you really should be but the negativeness you display is holding you back which is why you will(at least not without a lot of hard work)not be confident in the first place.

 

It is easier said than done, but if a person with Low Self Esteem really wants a change and really is willing to work at it, then yes, they can get past their own insecurities. The thing is, too many shy guys are unwilling or afraid to do the work.

 

Like DC said the first step is always the biggest one but once you get into the swing of being yourself, your true self then it'll get easier along the way. If anything I believe you're not being yourself if you're not confident, if anything confidence doesn't just boil down to be used in dating, it's used in everyday life, at home, in the workplace, with your friends, you can't afford to not be confident otherwise you are missing out on so much, so just ditch the negative connotations linked to being confidence, quit * * * * * ing and actually go out there and be confident, once you are you won't regret it.

 

Bravo!

[Salucious]

OK, you are right about guys like me bashing methods like in the video. I think it is just frustrating that there are guys at such a higher level of social proof than me. He makes it look easy in the video, a little too easy. I think the real challenge to making something like that work (or even something less forward than the kiss) is how you present it, which is most likely tied to your self-image. You can't really teach someone that, it has to come from within. I think that is what is so frustrating for me, personally. It is kind of a catch-22, in that I want to be that skilled socially, but even trying that takes the kind of self-esteem I have yet to achieve.

 

I think if I had friends that were like this guy, I could have a much better chance at improving my social skills with girls. But in fact, the only friend that I hang out with on a regular basis is the most self-depreciating person I've ever met, even though he does have several girlfriends they never really work out. I'm not completely blaming my lack of social proof on this, but I think maybe if I had more socially-skilled friends growing up in high-school/college I may have stood a better chance. But I've never really had a reference point to work from. I have an older brother, but he was more like me growing up, really quiet and reserved. When I see advice/demonstrations on this subject online, and it often sounds/looks credible, but without seeing real-life demonstrations and examples it is hard to take it in stride. So I have a real uphill battle ahead of me. I guess seeing someone succeeding so well just reminds me of how much I need to improve. But you guys are right, if it works, it works; but how you get to that level of social skill is hard to explain to someone in just words online. I REALLY wish I had a mentor, lol.