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Arrgh.. should I tell him??


Mangoz

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I'm 99% sure I should..

 

Here's the story, with a little background info first. I've been seeing this guy for almost two months, but neither of us have seriously acknowledged it. He's told me he has some very different views about sharing of affection and is never jealous of anything. He's a bit of a 'hippie' that way, and he has openly told me that he has some very close female friends that he cuddles with, non-sexually, every now and then. I'm ok with that. So lately I've been wondering what we are, if we're official or not, or if it's an open relationship. I have the feeling that he doesn't want to talk about it just yet, or if ever. He just wants to let things happen, from what I've gathered.

 

My friend, whom I met in the summer was spending his last weekend in the country because he got another job in the states. After we saw a movie we went back to his place to hang out. I had a cold and was a little scatter-brained from all the medicine I was taking. Well I thought we were just going to hang out for a bit until I felt better, but then one thing led to another and we had sex. Ever since I've been very regretful. I know that I should do the right thing and tell the guy I've been seeing.. but I'm wondering if it's just one of those things that are better left unsaid. What do you guys think?

 

There's a mutual understanding that we're crazy about each other, but it hasn't been spoken of yet.

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Don't tell. (IMO) Here's why:

 

You're not "offically" taken; you're not exclusive to him (unless you've emplied that you were).

 

Some people are don't like 'the talk' but for me I deem it necesary. I don't not knowing where we stand. I need to know if I'm supposed to be with only him, and him only me. Or is it open where I'm allowed to have random sex.

 

You need to figure out what you want, if you want to be exclusive to him and you need the same from him he won't know that unless you tell him. If you don't want to tell him you'll never really know if you're supposed to or not supposed to be sleeping around.

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My rule of thumb with stuff like this is where the two people are not exclusive with each other: don't lie, but don't volunteer information that may make the other person feel upset (even though it's not wrong, it still is often upsetting to know that someone you like has slept with someone else, even when you yourself are doing the same thing).

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Not exclusive...don't tell him...none of his business.

 

he has openly told me that he has some very close female friends that he cuddles with, non-sexually, every now and then.

 

 

That's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard of.

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It's up to you. If you tell him, he's gonna get mad b/c he told you he's not sleeping with anyone else. And even though you guys aren't exclusive, he's still going to feel betrayed.

 

If you don't tell him, you may feel guilty, wrong, ashamed,etc. depending on your personality. And the only way to feel better and to get it off ur chest is to tell him. You may also lose him, but what it sounds like, you guys arent serious, so ur not really risking much at all.

 

Ultimately, i think you should tell him. Not only because its honest and respectful, but he should now who ur sleeping with for health reasons. Wouldn't you wanna know who ur guy's sleeping with and how many? I personally would be pissed if my FWB didn't tell me who she slept with. Especially if I ended up catching something from her.

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I partly don't want to tell him because, although my conscious would be clean, I'm worried that he'd feel lousy about it. It's like the punishment I have to deal with. I think it's selfish to tell him in that sense, but respectful to do so anyways.. But yeah, you're right about the health thing.. even though protection was used, and the guy told me he's clean and gets tested each year..

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I think once you are put into the 'casual' category by a guy, you're kinda stuck there....

 

If you want something more than you have with him right now, then I suggest get out of it while you're not fully emotionally invested in him. Find someone else to love without the hassle and without the nonsense of "non-sexual cuddling from time to time". He does NOT seem like he would be a good boyfriend if it ever managed to get to that stage.

 

That being said, no you do not owe him any explanation or even discussion about what you did with the other guy.

 

Just be careful.....

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