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standing between a forked path

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i guess it's true when people say that they always come back...I was with him for 4.5 years before he broke it off with me in the beginning of december. he's strung me along on and off this relationship, i don't deny that he didn't love me or that i didn't love him with all my heart.. but i guess i just finally realized that we have differences that will not be solved unless things change...and...i really don't think he's going to change.


that was the biggest hurrdle that i went through...and after realizing that, i was so happy. i stopped crying about him, i stopped thinking about us getting back or waiting for him to realize that our love was strong and important enough for him to want to change and try and savlage this relationship.


I guess they just never like it when they see you are moving on without them.


I don't konw...I want to keep things on good terms and keep being friends with him. i do love him and i care for him.. and i thought that maybe since i seem like i've accepted this now that i can talk to him again. We don't talk regularly, just once in a while, very brief, very casual.


maybe i really shouldn't be doing that until i have stopped loving him the way that i do now. people say that you are really over a person when you can see him/her with another person and not care... quite honestly, i may have accepted our breakup and everything .. but i'm not sure i'm quite there yet.


so getting to the main point here...he messaged me online last night and asked me some questions.. he basically said that he still thinks about me alot and asked me if i was meeting new people and heading back into the dating scence and all. i don't konw, from my point of view, he was just beating around the block wanting to try and get back with me and see if i was dating other people but he had to much pride to really break down and beg for me back.


i don't konw what to say to him... we agreed to go out for lunch the next time he comes back into town ...he says he misses me and would still like to see me. i wouldn't mind that... maybe to keep things on good terms and to stay friends and all... but i don't konw if i want to go back with him or not. it took me so long to really climb myself out from out of that big hole i jumped into four years ago...


one on hand, i feel like this break up is an awakening, making me realize who i am... honestly i can feel that i have changed...and what i've learned from my first love and given me a lot of perspectives on everything i do in my life... although i miss having a significant other to hold you and hug you and having someone love you... i feel that being single is what i want right now...but then...i still love him...i've been trying to forget that love because we are broken up and things did not work out between us...but if he's coming back to me now...should i give him another try? what should i say to him?

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good for you, 55--

I remember reading your last post, and it seems you've made some positive changes that are helping you move on from the relationship in a healthy way.


Judging by your post, you've already answered your own question. Just look at the majority of what you said--most of it was about how you're working at moving on with your life, and doing well! You didn't say you felt you should give him another chance--you asked us--only you seem to know what is best for you already, so trust yourself, and keep on being true to yourself. If that means NOT seeing him when he comes into town next, but waiting until you feel ready to, then wait.


There isn't only one option for your "significant other"; you've learned a lot, and these experiences will help inform your choices when you feel ready for dating again.


Splitting up after a short time can leave one full of doubts, but after so long, it can be hard to look at the situation objectively (I'm a big fan of "pro & con" lists, if I'm unable to make a choice one way or the other--the writing doesn't lie, truly. If you're having real trouble with the idea of giving it another try, I'll suggest writing all your thinking and feeling down, sleeping on it, and reading later ).

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