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Cheating in an open relationship


rosephase

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

So just like monogamous relationships there is cheating that happens in polyamorous relationships. A few differences I have noticed are the “cheater” in a poly relationship usually comes clean very fast, and the relationship has a much high chance of surviving.

 

I guess there isn’t as _much_ of a fundamental since of betrayal. Plus if your poly relationship is working in the first place you already have to be amazing at communication so I guess that helps.

 

If I asked my partner specifically not to do something (like sleep with someone) and he did I would be really hurt, but we would probably get through it. Work out why and how it happened, maybe set some new rules for awhile until I felt safe again, but basically we would get over it. I guess that must seem strange, but it really isn’t to me.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

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If at anytime you define who one should or shouldn't sleep with you are "closing" the relationship. Open means open. You could require STD testing (for health protection) but to restrict someone's choice is "closing" the open relationship. Perhaps the one in the relationship should have a talk with their other eighth (that's a joke) about the exclusivity of the relationship.

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If at anytime you define who one should or shouldn't sleep with you are "closing" the relationship. Open means open. You could require STD testing (for health protection) but to restrict someone's choice is "closing" the open relationship. Perhaps the one in the relationship should have a talk with their other eighth (that's a joke) about the exclusivity of the relationship.

 

lmao!! u crack me up

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Yes I have say in who he sleeps with. I can ask for time before he starts a sexual relationship, I can ask to get to know that person better, and I can flat out say no, but I have never done that. But it does take time for me to be comfortable, and if say, he was going out on a date where I had been clear that I am not ready for him to have sex or different types of sexual contact, and then he did, that would be cheating. Or if he had sex with someone with out tell me about it first, that would be cheating.

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If at anytime you define who one should or shouldn't sleep with you are "closing" the relationship. Open means open. You could require STD testing (for health protection) but to restrict someone's choice is "closing" the open relationship. Perhaps the one in the relationship should have a talk with their other eighth (that's a joke) about the exclusivity of the relationship.

 

 

Open means all kinds of things. We are poly which is a kind of consensual non-monogamy. And a lot of people don’t know the term so I use “open relationship” as an easy way to refer to it.

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Yes I have say in who he sleeps with. I can ask for time before he starts a sexual relationship, I can ask to get to know that person better, and I can flat out say no, but I have never done that. But it does take time for me to be comfortable, and if say, he was going out on a date where I had been clear that I am not ready for him to have sex or different types of sexual contact, and then he did, that would be cheating. Or if he had sex with someone with out tell me about it first, that would be cheating.

 

Wow. That is really shocking. Thanks for the info.

 

What kind of person would you take offense to him sleeping with? I am completely oblivious to this.

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what if he was having sex with a girl that you approved of, but then later you stopped approving of her for whatever reason. What would happen then?

 

 

Well, that has never happened before, but I imagine the three of us would sit down and talk about what had changed that was making me uncomfortable and if we couldn't find a way to fix it they would stop seeing each other, but like I said that has never happened.

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I mean, I thought that was the point. You sleep with who you want, because you want to... else you would be monogamous? I thought people who advocate multiple sex partners when in a relationship didn't want to be told who or what to do.

 

I think the latter relationship would be down right dangerous for everyone involved.

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Wow. That is really shocking. Thanks for the info.

 

What kind of person would you take offense to him sleeping with? I am completely oblivious to this.

 

If I don't get along with her, if she doesn't have respect for me and my relationship with my partner. If she is cheating on someone to be with him. That kind of thing.

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If I don't get along with her, if she doesn't have respect for me and my relationship with my partner. If she is cheating on someone to be with him. That kind of thing.

 

Ah, ok. I guess if the other is taking the relationship in the wrong direction, things get muddy. I think many people think of open relationships as a ticket out of being "faithful", and not a controlled thing like you're describing.

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I mean, I thought that was the point. You sleep with who you want, because you want to... else you would be monogamous? I thought people who advocate multiple sex partners when in a relationship didn't want to be told who or what to do.

 

 

Yes some people are that way. I guess, I don't know any. Poly is about multiple loving relationships, not just sex. And that takes trust, commutation, and boundaries. It's not really telling someone what to do, it's more like finding different ways to do things so everyone can feel safe and grow... wow that sounds like such hippie crap when I put it that way... but that is what it is.

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This is really interesting. I've never really spoken to someone in a relationship like this.

 

So, is it mostly you and your bf. As in, you two are together and then you talk about and agree upon people outside of the relationship either of you will have sex with?

 

Yeah, we talk and agree on that stuff, and not just with each other with our other partners as well, although they all tend to have less objections, but everyone’s opinion maters... it gets kind of complicated sometimes.

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Yeah I think it is cheating. You two have an understanding or agreement and if the rules are broken then they have cheated.

 

 

I'm not asking _if_ it is cheating. I know it's cheating. I'm talking about how we would try and work it out and how it wouldn't be the end of our relationship and I was wondering if people in monogamous relationships ever felt the same way.

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I'm not asking _if_ it is cheating. I know it's cheating. I'm talking about how we would try and work it out and how it wouldn't be the end of our relationship and I was wondering if people in monogamous relationships ever felt the same way.

 

I couldn't get over it because it would break the trust and that trust is something I hold very high in a relationship. I don't know how you'd work it out? Working it out would just give him verification that he can get away with it.

 

I don't think the fact that this is an open relationship has anything to do at all with the situation. There are rules to a monogomous relationship just like yours. They are just different. When the rules are broken it breaks the trust that you had.

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I'm not asking _if_ it is cheating. I know it's cheating. I'm talking about how we would try and work it out and how it wouldn't be the end of our relationship and I was wondering if people in monogamous relationships ever felt the same way.

 

but monogomous relationships are entirel different, since they (mostly) tend to END WHEN one cheats.. in open relationships it's kind of acceptable.

if i where in an open relationship i'd have to really think hard if it can be worked out.. how do u deal with a cheater in a monogomous relationship: (sometimes) you give another chance but after u realise they don't want to "play by the rules" and it makes u more unhappy then it does happy, it's time to walk

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