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was i a victim of peadophilia?? (dont know how to spell it)


cheekychic

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i would say i am a pretty emotionaly messed up person and i am trying to put the pieces together to work out why i am the way i am. i am 28 but not a normal 28 year old i dont think... i still feel and prob act very childish emotionaly. dont get me wrong, in lots of ways i am sensible when it comes to lookin after my daugter, paying bills etc.. but when it comes to the way i act in relationships and the way i act sometime, i wouldnt say it's far off what a child would act. i feel mentaly stuck in a timewarp and i am currently on the waiting list to see a therapist as there is no way i can be feelgin and acting like this in 10 years time when im 38. no way.

 

one of the things from my past that i wonder may have contributed to it (along with a load of other things) was this... if i think about it, it doesn't bother me in the slightest but i'm wondering if deep down subconsiously it did mess me up a bit.

 

basically when i was 13, me and a friend (who was also 13) went round this guys house who i believe was 37. he got us very very drunk on cheap strong cider, telling us to down it and stuff and then when we were drunk he put a porn film on and i don know how it started but he asked us both to give him oral in turn and then i think he went down on us before havign sex with us.

i remember being repulsed by it at the time but being so drunk i just let him carry on and kind of thought that we owed him something for getting us all that drink .. i don't know what was going through my mind (or my friends mind).. but looking back on it, he wasn't just being friendly getting us the drink ... he of course planned it. i have never looked back on it and felt that bothered, apart from wondering why we went round there in the first place. but i guess we were jsut younge neive and silly.

 

we didnt exactly put up a fight when he was askign us to do stuff... but was this a form of peadophilia??? is this likely to have messed me up but not consiously like say a horrible rape would mess someone up so they knew full well that it had messed them up??

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What a disgusting man! Yes of course he's a pedophile! It was statutory rape plain and simple. He makes me want to puke.

 

Try not to beat yourself up over it, it wasn't your fault and it was a long time ago. But of course it still bothers you (hell, it bothers me and didn't even happen to me), so bring it up to your therapist of course. I'm glad you are going and I'm sorry this happened to you.

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Yes, you were a victim of pedophillia. Even if you didn't "fight" it, what that man did was very very wrong on many levels. He took advantage of you being young, and even more so by getting you and your friend drunk.

 

Even if you don't think what happened is really bothering you, I would see a professional and talk to them about it. I have a friend who was molested when she was younger, and like you didn't really think that it was that big of a deal until she talked to somebody about it. She then realized that deep down, it REALLY bothered her, and because of that she had done things that she wasn't happy about. Ever since she has really matured a lot in my opinion, and she feels better about herself and is happier.

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Hey sorry to hear that happened to you. It must be mind puzzeling for you, and you must be thinking on and on why you went there. I'm not expert but I would think that this would have been an act of pedophilia. The term pedophilia or paedophilia has a range of definitions as found in psychology, law enforcement, and the popular vernacular. As a medical diagnosis, it is defined as a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children. Pedophilia is specified as a form of paraphilia in which a person either has acted on intense sexual urges towards children, or experiences recurrent sexual urges towards and fantasies about children that cause distress or interpersonal difficulty.

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thanks for the response so far.. i am deff looking forward to going through things with a therapist. i feel like i've been caged in this funny world of being an emotional weirdo for many years and it's only clicked in the last year or so that i have big big mental problems .. i'm really looking forward to breaking free of it. also it will be nice to feel like i am really 28, when i talk to people same age as me or even younger i feel they are so much older.

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Glad you are on that waiting list!! It can change your life. No - you don't have to go through the next ten years with the same problems.

 

You are turning a leaf right now. Even with sharing this here. I want to give you a big hug.

 

It was abuse. That is clear.

 

There are so many reasons why you may have not felt consciously bothered or thought anything of this for so long. One thing I know for sure in my life is - when the human brain has had enough and is overloading with information, information that threatens a persons well being and sense of security enough - it will shut that stuff out. Sometimes for a really, really long time.

 

And instead it'll show up in other ways, symptoms, problems.

 

It is probably that now you are at a place in your life where you are ready to deal with this. We are pretty cool that way - once we've got some stability, some more experience and maturity and time - our brains know just what we can handle or not.

 

I have no doubt you have suffered in some ways and that it would have had an impact on you, because you were abused.

 

It's your time ...and it's going to be an amazing journey for you. I'm so glad you are taking the bulls by the horns here and getting involved to delve into this.

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it wasn't the only thing similar to that that happened when i was younger.. i was so stupid. i just wanted to feel grown up and important i guess, hanging around with people who were older. there is a big part of me that is totaly mad at myself for letting those things happen... i only have one life and i ruined a chunk of it by letting a-holes take advantage of me instead of just having fun with people my own age. i dont know what the big attraction was and why i was so desperate to hang around with people older and feel important etc. i look forward to all being reveald with therapist.

.

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do you know what really really angers most me about myself... that i kept getting into bad situations with older men but i STILL didnt learn my lesson and wanted to hang around with older guys again. it's like i kept running back for more even though i never ever enjoyed it when they wanted more then just friendship. i'd go n meet a guy who was alot older and who i wasn't attracted to in the slightest and think that they would jsut want to be friends and have a laugh, i was so neive.

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to be honest.. i have always thought it was my fault coz i kept choosing to hang around with people older then me. i feel that if i hadn't put myself in those situations then things wouldnt have happened to me... i have always felt it was my fault. maybe if i had just listend to my mum and stayed in the times she told me not to go out, i wouldnt have ended up in bad situations. i am so mad at myself for it.

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maybe i need to learn to forgive myself for wandering off alot to hang aroudn with older people. yes, people in thier 20's and 30's should know better then to be sniffing round 13/14 year old girls. i don't know why i even thought they jsut wanted to be friends.

 

this comment really stuck out..............

People who have lived through abuse NEED to feel they control everything or they are afraid.

 

i am a control freak, boyfriends i have had have found it very very hard as i need to be totaly in charge and throw childish tantrums, lash out or start crying when things don't go the way i want them to (like a 5 year old child). i really didnt think it was related to abuse or rape... that's very very interesting. i have played mind games in relationships to get attention and get what i want.. i seem to have a few of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. good thing is now i kind of recognize what i am doing so can try and stop myself before i start any funny business.

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Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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