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advice please...complicated beyond belief


harpua
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just went through a divorce, and during that time met the person that I should have married in the first place....but...going through a divorce is never fun so the road was rocky to say the least....couple months ago, after we finally committed to our relationship...she says she doesn't think we should see each other anymore because of something I said (basically, dealing with divorce crud, not knowing about marriage ever again or or having children) and that she wanted to be with someone she knew she had a future with...well....there was never a question of us loving each other, and I didn't really talk to her for about 2 weeks until I realized that this was the stupidest thing ever as she is also my best friend and we were together pretty much every day for a year before this, so I call her we hang out a few times, and she tells me shes dating a guy 12 years older than her with 3 kids, a guy I sort of know...long story short, tried to hang in there but it was too painful, especially after I tell her that I want to marry her and have a family with her someday, and she agrees...she stays over and tells me that she truly does love me (nothing happened, but that's a matter of perspective) and then a week later says she is staying with the other guy...there are some other details but you get the picture...that and when I decided to stop talking to her for a while, she freaked out, called without leaving messages etc...until she brought back a bunch of stuff that wasn't really mine while I was out and then called me about it..we talked and that was that....now 3 months later...I'm still in love with her, still want to talk to her, just can't because of the relationship she is in, which isn't really her....any advice is much appreciated.

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Hi Harpua and Andy,

 

Thank you for posting to eNotalone.com and coming to us with your questions. I understand your doubts and emotions. Love has funny turns in life and doesn't seem always take the right turn.

 

I would like to suggest you both, to see if there is really no room for closure. At this time it looks very difficult to get to her, because ... yes ... she is involved with this other guy. I am not just saying this, because it sounds so easy. I do understand that it is very hard. But you deserve a happy life to share it with someone. I would suggest that you go out there and find that someone ... try to hunt for closure in this one, even though it's going to be very hard.

 

I wish you good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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Thanks for the advice on this....I think there is closure to some degree, or that's what I was trying for in not talking to her...it's just painful when she knows how I feel and knows that I hurt her and went into run and hide mode because of it...the most she's been able to tell me about the new guy is that they have alot in common and that she enjoys his company, even when asked point blank if she loves him, she only says she has feelings for him...I can talk to anyone but her at this moment, including my ex wife, who I talk to about her...nothing to do but keep on keeping on I guess and if it works itself out, it works itself out....sucks to lose a best friend and a lover over something so small though...

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