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Do I need a rebound?


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Well it has been a month and a half since my ex broke up with me. I still love her, miss her, and still think of her alot....and of course still hope that someday she may come back.

For now I am trying to heal, get back in the game and work on myself.

It has been tough considering my mind is usually always on her, unless I am out hanging with friends. The World Series and The Phillies have been a good distraction too, even though we used to go to games and I think I made her a bigger fan of baseball, and that makes me think of her.

 

So anyway, in this process of healing...I find myself almost reaching out for a rebound. I guess just to experience another girl....I have gone out recently and got a few numbers from girls at bars.....but it is almost just to see if I can do it? I dont really have any intention of a relationship with these girls....because I still am in love with my ex.

I have done better I think with this breakup, than a previous heartbreak I had a few years back.

 

I only really got over that one when I met my most recent SO. I am not really a fan of being single....I dunno why. It is fun sometimes because I can do what I want when I want.....but I am a sensitive guy really, and I love to be in love.

 

Are these feelings wrong? Is what I am doing wrong? I guess everyone heals differently, but I worry about the way I am doing it. It is like my emotions are tearing me one way, and what I know is right is tearing me in the other....it is like I feel guilty of trying to go out and meet girls.....Like I feel like I am cheating on my ex. Strange feelings....but it is almost like I dont know the right way to heal??

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Usually a rebound just makes me feel worse in the end, and hinders getting over the relationship. But that's just me. Different strokes for different folks. i personally would take my time to be alone and get over my ex, and then try casually dating a little. Nothing too serious, just fun.

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Normal feelings but just make sure that if you do date a girl that you be completely honest and open with them so that you don't end up hurting someone unintentionally. Personally I think it's a bad idea because a girl might end up liking you even with the honesty upfront and you could hurt her.

 

I actually think going out on a few dates after about 5 months or so really helped to show me that there were other, good women out there...but I purposely only kept it to a few dates. I just wasn't ready.

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no, your feelings are not wrong -- actually, they're are pretty normal. right now, you're dwelling on the fact that you have lost something very important to you, and your body is telling that you can replace these feelings with a distraction -- with a rebound.

 

people do what they have to do, but be careful, i've never heard of a sitaution where a person felt better about themselves after a rebound relationship. most of the time, it just makes you miss your ex more.

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I don't feel like I need another guy. I'm going to try and stay away from the dating scene for the next 6 months. I want to do things that don't center around dating. ie. kickboxing, therapy, acting classes, visiting family, personal work for myself....Maybe in this area I can meet better people.

 

Hmmm... I wonder if I'm tricking myself into keeping myself available for my ex...nah..I know I'm not relationship material right now.

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She broke up with you? Dude get back in the game. You already got digits, that's a good thing. You don't have to jump straight into a new relationship, but go hang out with other girls. If the topic comes up just say you got of a relationship recently and leave it at that. That way you don't have to feel guilty and the new girl knows where you're coming from.

Girls do it all the time.

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I think that you should take it slow. Nothing wrong with casual dating as long as you're honest with the other person. I've dated a couple of times since my breakup and I've told all the women that I'm not looking for a serious relationship. They understand when I explain my situation and respect that I don't try to lead them on.

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  • 4 months later...

Get back out there. Nothing will make you forget about her more quickly than discovering/rediscovering that there are more fish/ladies in the sea, whichever you prefer.

 

Seriously, do it. And if you don't know how to do it, then learn how to do it. That part is essential, you don't want to give a lady that kind of power/control over you ever again. Why? Because a lady will cheat on you. She will even though she says she loves you. She will cheat even though she pledges/swears her love/devotion to you. Even if you have children together, she will cheat on you if the opportunity is right.

 

Why will she cheat? Because to ladies, love is an emotion. It is a feeling. When a lady says she loves you, it means that she "feels like she loves you." To the contrary, when a man tells a woman that he loves her he is really saying, "I love you, despite my feelings." To a man, love is a commitment; to women, love is a feeling. Bottom line.

 

Learning how to land ladies with relative ease will remove you from her will/power/control. This is because her vagina will no longer be the only possible vagina for you to enjoy. If you could go out and choose another woman to be with, would it bother you so much that you weren't with your ex anymore? Probably not for very long. Probably not at all.

 

And last but not least, central to this is the notion that you cannot ever be too hung up on one woman. Kill the ideal that there is the "perfect girl for me," and realize that there are literally billions of women in the world, and that chances are there is one out there that is better looking and more fun anyways.

 

I know easier said than done, but cultivate this mindset and you will be back on the wagon sooner than you realize.

 

There is nothing wrong with letting the beautiful babies know that you are money and that you like to party.

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