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how to stick to NC


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Change your phone number or block the person. Change your e mail address or create a filter to delete mail from this person. Give your phone to a friends for a few days. Leave it in your car when you go to work or to sleep. Block the person from facebook.

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Crap,

 

I really like your list, but what hit me most is #11:

[11] A refreshing break will help you get yourself back, but even better than before. Your ex was attracted to you once, and that was when you were yourself: you weren't needy, crowding them, desparate, crying, begging. If you are to get together with your ex, it must be as a totally new relationship, with you being the person they once fell in love with ... not the one they are currently pulling away from.

 

Unfortunately, when I met my H, I was separated from my exH, from the same thing - infidelity on his part. So at that time, I was weepy but standoffish and afraid to get in a new relationship, so even though BF and I were very attracted to each other, physically, the emotional part was as friends. Then after a month, BF came on really strong. When exH got wind of the new BF, he wanted back after 3 mos of separation; but exH hadn't fixed his issues, and soon was back to his cheating ways. We divorced.

 

What I'm saying is, I was weepy when current H, soon to be X, met me. Although I was on a snow ski day - my birthday, and no matter what, it was going to be a great ski day. You could say, I was doing what I loved, but not out to meet anyone.

 

Now that I'm strong and have been through our marriage, he can't handle it. About all he can handle are damsels in distress, which is what the other woman is: unhappy in her marriage, adores my H, blah, blah....

 

And, #3:

3] Our exes almost always give us exactly the information we need to get them back, if that is at all possible: they tell us to move on; they tell us not to keep loving them; they tell us to forget them; they tell us to find someone new; they tell us to sort our lives out; they tell us to forget about ever getting back with them - these are all the actions you must take to find yourself after a break-up, and finding yourself and changing your focus away from your ex is what will ultimately bring them back, if that can happen.

 

He has said almost everything, other than find someone new and telling me to forget about ever getting back with him. In fact, early on, he was singing the 'you never know, maybe in a year, I'll realize my mistake and be kicking myself' song. I just shook my head NO.

 

His big excuse now, because he still won't admit his plans with the other woman is he just doesn't want to be married - maybe that's true.

 

But yet, I do still love him or the old him, not this one that's gone berserk! IF he wanted back, he'd have to got to IC and MC for a LONG time.

 

So I continue NC. All contacts have been by him for piddly stuff, like going by the house to p/u mail, etc., except he texted me one time to tell me he was off to see his dad having heart surgery. Didn't text back, sent his dad flowers. BTW, he just filed for divorce after 5 months of separation! NC or not - he's on his way to life with his girlfriend......

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Change your phone number or block the person. Change your e mail address or create a filter to delete mail from this person. Give your phone to a friends for a few days. Leave it in your car when you go to work or to sleep. Block the person from facebook.

 

^^ all of that. If he calls you, tell him yourself to respect your wishes and not to call you anymore and say a polite goodbye and hangup.

 

Definitely don't do it in hopes of getting them back, do it because you really do not have much of a choice but to move on.

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Lexy50, it sounds like your husband has codependency issues: he likes being the rescuer. There can be several reasons why, but it's mostly from unhealthy childhood relationships. I had the same issues.

 

If you're now a strong woman, maybe you need someone different in your life.

 

Wishing you all the best.

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lexy--

 

just had a question for you. how do you handle NC when your ex contacts you for stupid things, like picking up the mail? i was doing fairly well with NC after a month, and he asked to meet up and it broke me... and its been two more weeks and i've been doing it, and he just asked to come over and exchange stuff we had left at each other's apts, but im not sure what good will come of this.

 

i want him back so badly, i would do anything, i just dont know whether to see him and pretend to be happy and not caring to attract him back / see him and pretend to be okay and sweet to make him miss me / or tell him i will just leave it with my doorman and he can pick it up. any advice?

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lexy--

 

just had a question for you. how do you handle NC when your ex contacts you for stupid things, like picking up the mail? i was doing fairly well with NC after a month, and he asked to meet up and it broke me... and its been two more weeks and i've been doing it, and he just asked to come over and exchange stuff we had left at each other's apts, but im not sure what good will come of this.

 

i want him back so badly, i would do anything, i just dont know whether to see him and pretend to be happy and not caring to attract him back / see him and pretend to be okay and sweet to make him miss me / or tell him i will just leave it with my doorman and he can pick it up. any advice?

 

either leave his things with a mutual friend or ship it to me

 

you could also try leaving it with the doorman

 

you are in no stable condition to see him

 

NC and stick to it

 

when you see him, when you see he is okay, when you see he doesn't want you back, you are back at square one

 

don't delay your healing for somebody that clearly is just testing the waters and not wanting you back

 

you deserve better, believe it!

 

it will always get worse before it gets better

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the last time i saw him, he was dating someone new but didn't tell me... he told me he was 60% ready to get back together, he would never find anyone he loved more than me, as beautiful as me, as smart as me, etc, and after we left that night he texted me saying he just spoke to his parents about me and they really miss me and hope to see me soon, he hopes i'm in his life until he dies, etc. i feel like seeing me reminded him of how much he loved me (more than this new rebound girl) and maybe it will do that again?

 

is it good to have limited contact with your ex? i feel like if im sweet and understanding about this, while not being desparate looking, he won't stop loving me, but if i cut him out, he is stubborn and will tell himself that me ignoring him shows that i dont care about us, even though he called it over.

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It doesn't matter what he feels. He clearly does not want to be with you. If he did, nothing would stop him from being with you.

 

He's stringing you a long. It looks like you two broke up and it looks like it there was another person involved. Sorry, but actions speak louder than words.

 

Have more self respect and ditch him. Cut him out? Do you like being second best? I know this hurts, but I am telling myself the same thing. Face the reality of things. You may be sweet, you may be that. Clearly he doesn't want it. You sticking around when you still have feelings for him; in hopes of getting back together will lead to you hurting. It's over, he admits it. Why can't you?

 

Sorry gorgeous, you need to drop it like a bad habit. He wants you in his life to ease his guilt. To know he has a safety net. Please let go! Not for him, FOR YOU!

 

Don't do this to yourself......

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