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1200 miles away and am slowly losing her


Gman1975
Logistics of the move from Texas to...
Logistics of the move from Texas to Florida...

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We live 1200 miles apart and see each other at least once a month and that's been going on for over 3 years now. We are great together. I want to move there with her, but there is one problem, that would mean leaving my 2 kids here and having them in the summers. They are 14 and 12 and within the last year have begun not wanting to be with me and instead being around their friends more and not wanting to be with me as much. Am I selfish thinking that I deserve to be happy too? What do I do? My GF is getting inpatient and is beginning to want to end it unless something happens soon. What do I do?

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Welcome to ENA

 

Is it impossible for her to move to you? Does she have kids too? I think that children are a very important factor here. I agree you deserve happiness, and I of course know only what you tell here in this post (not about your relationship with their mom, etc), but I think your kids are the number 1 consideration in whatever you decide to do with your relationship.

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Welcome to ENA

 

Is it impossible for her to move to you? Does she have kids too? I think that children are a very important factor here. I agree you deserve happiness, and I of course know only what you tell here in this post (not about your relationship with their mom, etc), but I think your kids are the number 1 consideration in whatever you decide to do with your relationship.

 

Yes she has a son. She has all of her family there where I have the kids and no other family here. My relationship with the kid's mom is no more than to talk about the kids. The kids use to stay with me 4-5 nights a week and now I'm lucky if they want to come 1 or 2 nights a week. I live in a separate town 10 miles away from where they go to school and they have no friends here. I know they should be what matters but I'm so up in arm of what to do.

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Yeah, I understand that... what does the ex think about this? I am not after her feelings of your new relationship, but she may have a better idea about how your kids would respond to this.

 

She keeps telling me to go and that I deserve to be happy and she doesn't want the kids holding me back from that... I guess I feel guilty if I do leave...

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Then you should maybe find a way to include your kids more actively in the decision?

 

Another question that I wonder about: I may have the wrong impression, but it seems to me that your gf is a bit pushy here? I mean surely she understands that this is not an easy step for you to take either? I always tell people who move to their partner, that ideally, their partner should be equally willing to move to them. This is because it's a huge step, sometimes accross countries and language boundaries. Just a thought.

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Then you should maybe find a way to include your kids more actively in the decision?

 

Another question that I wonder about: I may have the wrong impression, but it seems to me that your gf is a bit pushy here? I mean surely she understands that this is not an easy step for you to take either? I always tell people who move to their partner, that ideally, their partner should be equally willing to move to them. This is because it's a huge step, sometimes accross countries and language boundaries. Just a thought.

 

I live in a small rural town (10000 or less people) and she lives in a large town and she says she wouldn't be happy here. She also wants more opportunity for her own son there. That and being really close to her family and her son is the only grandchild.

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I'm not sure how this will sound, as I am not a parent.

3yrs is quite a long time to wait for someone to move closer and start building a life together or to find out if it isn't going to work. The fact that the relationship has made it this long, speaks for itself.

 

Personally, I live away from where I grew up and am currently dating a girl from where I am now, and if it came to arguing where we would end up, I think the "local" person, would win. I'm the one who moved away, they stayed at home, and I think that should be respected.

 

On to the children...

If you were to take the kids for the whole summer, what is it, 15 weeks?

you would have about 100 days. Which is just the same as the amount you have now taking them 2 days a week.

 

As they get older, they would probably be less likely to spend the entire summer with you. But you could fly each kid once every other month for the weekend and just make the most of the time you have with them. Make sure you make the flights for things like graduation, birthdays, etc.

 

Just make sure you call them once a week, and make it a point to stay in their lives, even if you are accross the country.

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Would you be happy living where she lives? Or could you in principle give the same list of reasons for you to not want to move there?

 

I love it there. (TUCSON, AZ)The only thing holding me back has been the kids that would be the only thing on a list I could give her. Now they are getting older and I feel like I'm not as important in their lives now.

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