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email from ex...


pumpkinmoon

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Ok so I finally got the courage to read the email I had from my ex a few days ago. Thought I would post it here to get some opinions on it and what it could mean... here goes....

 

not sure what to say here. I don't expect you to reply to this, i've no idea how you are and the last thing i want is to cause you any more pain. All i want to say is i'm so sorry. For everything. For the way things are now. For all the hurt you felt. I just swear to whatever makebelieve god is around that i hope your able to smile, that someone or friends are making you happy. That you see you don't need a basket case like me who almost set himself on fire once without a real reason. I wish we could've stayed friends, however that would've worked out if it could have. I had to tell you that i could never ever forget you, no matter what happens. You are so special and unique and unlike anyone i've ever met. That despite what you would assume, logically i add, i still care a great deal for you and i guess i always will. That little things i remember you saying to me still make me laugh even today. Like when you made that beeping sound outside games workshop sayin it was your nerd detector. The holy object that was once an undigested pea. I'm not even sure exactly how a normal person would read this message because structurally it doesn't seem right. I hope your carrying on with uni and doing well with it, the work you let me see was really good so i hope your cracking on. Basically i just hope your happy, i apologise for every tear i ever caused you and i wish things could've worked out, should circumstances, mostly my fault, had not occurred. Again, i'm not sure how this will read but hope the gist of what i mean gets conveyed. I wish you every happiness and i.ll never forget your words to me tellin me to stop drifting and realise my potential. It was a wake up call for me and possibly the most inspiring thing i've ever had someone say to me. Thank you. *name* x

 

 

Any opinions would be great. I will also add that I he has been texting non stop since friday so I am not sure what his motives are.

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I think he just wants you to know that he hasn't forgotten you, and that your times together were very special to him. I wouldn't read anything more into it than that. You made a significant difference in his life, and for that he's grateful. He might still be texting to make sure you got his messages and are reading them. I'm not sure what to recommend about responding to any of his attempts at communication.

 

If only I could get a similar e-mail. I actually cried reading that e-mail.

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If he has been texting non stop since Friday then he was expecting that email to make you go awwwww and you to go running back to him with open arms because the manipulation worked. Haven't you been thru several cycles of this with him?

 

And honestly, do you want to be with someone where there is all this drama, pretty words but the actions don't line up? And with someone mentally ill enough to even talk about setting himself on fire? If he genuinely has those types of problems he needs a therapist rather than you as a girlfriend. People who are mentally ill can be very dramatic and articulate, but really need a therapist to deal with their issues before ever considering a relationship.

 

If it were me, i'd say something like, apology accepted, but it is time for us to get on with our lives. i wish you well, but as we've both proven, we don't work as a couple, so it is time for you to find someone who does work better with you than me. It is best we not be friends either as that only complicates things. best wishes.

 

Then let it go and don't respond any more.

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thanks for the replies, I cried too

 

He has been texting constantly, just like he used to when we were together, complimenting me and telling me things he has saw that I would like, sending me pics of furniture he likes and furniture he thinks I would like. He sent me a piece of music that he wrote and played on guitar and recorded it on his phone, says that he is going to finish it and I would be the only one he would let listen to it, asking to see my design work for uni.... weird stuff... but the texts are from the time he wakes up til the time he goes to bed.

 

I'm not sure what to do really.

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Thank you.

 

I understand what you are saying. I have no idea what he is referring to with the setting himself on fire thing unless he is referring to the time a few months back when his house burned down.

 

I know you can see it more clearly because you are on the outside looking in but there is part of me that doesn't want to walk away and I know, I must be barking mad.

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I agree with BSBH, it seems like he's attempting to get back together with you. I don't think anyone would write a letter like that if they only wanted to say they were sorry.

 

And that coupled with the constant texting makes it pretty clear. Are you responding to those texts?

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I agree with BSBH, it seems like he's attempting to get back together with you. I don't think anyone would write a letter like that if they only wanted to say they were sorry.

 

And that coupled with the constant texting makes it pretty clear. Are you responding to those texts?

 

I am really not so sure about that. Part of me thinks that he wants to try to maybe get back together although he has said nothing that suggests this, but I think there are way too many texts for a "friend" to send. The first day he wasn't putting kisses on them but he did at the end of the night and he has been today. I have been responding yes. I am so confused as to what he wants or what he is thinking.

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shoe-you are probably sick of me coming on here and telling you the same thing...

yes he misses you and so he should you are a beautiful fun unique individual. but he is not able to commit to you and give himself fully...if you take him back things will be good until they are not and then at the 1st sign of trouble, or any conflict he will take off on you again.

You are young, beautiful and smart. You need to move past this man so you can find someone who sees everything that he sees in you but is actually willing to work on a relationship with you b/c no matter how good anyone's relationship is there will always be work, and there will at times be conflict. Do you really want to be worrying at all times that your SO will take off, which you will be b/c that is his pattern...

It's the fool me once saying shoe...don't let yourself get caught back up in this pattern...

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I value your opinion kuiks, you remind me a lot of myself. I think there is just part of me that thinks he will change and that when he grows up a bit things would be different, I'm probably kidding myself but I just can't seem to let it go.

 

Do you think that he just wants to be friends or is trying to test the waters to maybe get back together? If it is just a friend thing I am going to have to tell him soon that I am unable to be friends with him.

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i don't know what his intentions might be...i don't think he wants to be just friends though, i do think he wants your company and all that entails without having to commit to anything more.

 

I dont know either and its starting to irritate me now. I'll give it a little time for him to mak his intentions clear, if its just like this in a week or 2

I will have to say that I can't continue this contact otherwise there is no way I will get over him.

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I've not spoken to you for ages so I don't know where your head was at before the email but if you were getting on with things and were happy before he sent the email then you should try and weigh up whether or not this contact from him has made you happier.

 

From what we've spoken about in the past, it could be that he wants to get back with you or he feels bad for things ending the way things are. But as somebody else pointed out, how are things different? He could just so easily mess you around again and you'd go backwards instead of forwards.

 

The thing you should consider is has he changed? Because even if he does want to get back together - if the issues haven't been resolved then it'll end the same way again and do you really deserve that? I don't think you do.

 

I know it's hard. I know it's a huge head * * * * but I think you've done well to get to where you were at.

 

I'm finally at the stage where I'm happier without my ex and if she sent me an email like that it would just annoy me and wind me up. Yet a few months ago, I'd have been running around with sheer joy.

 

I think you just need to decide if going back to him is going to be good for you because he does seem a bit unstable. It does come accross from his email that he's either trying to rid himself of guilt or he's trying to see if you're still there for him. Maybe he's feeling lonely or maybe he genuinely does care for you and wants to give it another shot. I don't know. I think for your sake, you should find out what his true intentions are and then make a decision from there.

 

It's unfair for him to be wishy washy. It doesn't help you. As I said at the top, you should work out what makes you happier. If being with him is what you want then by all means go for it, but if you have any deep down resentment then I'd say stay away because it will always come back to the surface.

 

I've learnt a lot about myself from the Ally situation in the past year and the one thing I've learnt is that I have to focus on myself and consider if another person is going to interfere with my happiness. If I suspect that a person is bad for me then I will stay away.

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Well, at first I was a supporter of you two getting back together until I found out all the things he did to you during the relationship AND while you two had gotten back together before.

 

 

I'm going to be blunt here....your Ex is very immature. And until he gets his immaturity straightened out, a relationship with him will always be what it has been in the past.

 

He has not changed yet. He is just missing a great girl that he knows just may be the best thing he'll ever get in this lifetime.

 

He has put you in some very embarrassing situations and I don't think being with him now is going to be beneficial to you because he is still the same person he was before. I think you need to let him grow up first before even thinking about getting back together with him.

 

I do think the e-mail was nice of him to send, but I would not let it sway me to a reconciliation if that is what he wants.

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It seems as though he realized he made a mistake by letting you go... You're one of the few people who are fortunate enough to get there exes to realize that they were wrong and stupid for ever letting someone like you get away... if he's texting you it means he definitely wants you back in his life and that he misses you... the fact that he told you how he remembers such things as the whole " nerd detector" remark, goes to show you that he hasn't stopped thinking about you since you guys have broken up... I guess, my advice to you would be to see how things unfold.. talk to him through text and see if anything becomes of it... that is if you want something to become of it.. just make sure to also keep some space as well and keep your guard up, because you don't want to get hurt again, especially by the same person....

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Thanks Diamond,

 

I agree. He has a lot of growing up to do. If we were to get back together then it wouldn't be right now. I would have to take it extremely slowly, that's if I could actually bring myself to be with him again because he hurt me more than anyone else in the world. He has changed a little, not enough but a little bit because since I said to him about him wasting his life away when w broke up the second time he hasn't been out drinking and has courses lined up that he is going to do to better himself.

 

 

 

Thanks cbear,

 

I will def keep my guard up, I did last time too and hopefully will do an even better job if i need to again. I will see what happens, if in 2 weeks I have no indication that it is anything more than just texting I think I'm going to hav to go NC.

 

 

What makes you think he realises he made a mistake?

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P.s.

 

when he first got in touch and we were talking about what we were both up to, I told him i was going to New York in Feb and we talked a bit about that.

 

Convo moved on and he brought it up tonight again, asked me if I was looking forward to it and asked if I was going with friends, as a joke I said I was going alone, he called me nuts, then I told him I was joking and that I wish I had the guts to go alone. He then replied asking who the lucky man was who was getting to take me. Did he bring it back up again just out of interest or was he fishing?

 

I also have a problem with my neck, a gland, and need an op. I am too scared to go so keep putting it off. He asked me tonight if I have had it sorted yet and I told him i hadnt because it's too scary and he replied saying that he would carry me to the hospital on his back if it meant I would get it sorted, and offered to go with me. I don't understand this....

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He will carry you on his back to the hospital? What a grand dramatic statement, but not bloody likely.

 

This guy loves the big dramatic statements to manipulate your feelings, but can't handle the day to day demands of a relationship. Here's what i wrote in response to your thread a couple months ago, when he'd sucked you in and dumped you yet again. It still applies:

 

'That old expression hope springs eternal applies to relationships. You can know rationally that the person is not right for you, but some small part of you still remembers the parts you liked about him and keeps hoping a miracle will happen and he'll turn into who you hoped he'd be.

 

The best way to fight those moments when you feel the longing is to remind yourself of why he's not suitable. Even write out a list, and whenever you start switching into the hope mode, pull out your list to bring you back down to earth.'

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He just posted a birthday card and a present, when I opened it, it was the sex and the city movie, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. We watched that on out first "date" when we got back together the second time, havent been able to watch sex and the city since we broke up again so i wont be watching this either.

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I don't think he's confused, i think he's manipulative. He's saying all the romantic things one says to try to soften you up, and he's sending you a 'symbolic' movie that says, 'let's try again'... he knows exactly what he is doing.

 

He needs to learn that although romantic gestures are nice, what you need is consistent loving attention and fidelity, not a big rush to land you back in his bed, then off he runs again when the mood strikes him. People who do lots of these kind of romantic words/gestures have learned they can behave really badly, then use the gestures to convince you they've changed, when all that has changed is the latest manipulative gesture du jour.

 

If he's willing to talk to you about concrete changes you both can make to make this work you might talk to him, but right off all the romantic nonsense whose specific purpose is to get you back into his bed again.

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