c0nfus3d Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 I will start off by saying that I love being able to come here and get somewhat instant replies when my friends will not text me back for reasons unknown. If you have read any of my other threads, you would know that my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we have had some problems with my jealousy issues. After the last conflict, I realized it really was my problem and I had to fix it. I have been trying really hard. I recently (last night) found out that my boyfriend is trying to rent a house with another girl. He was not the one to tell me, even though he has had many opportunities. It's not that I think he is cheating on me right now, because I really don't. This girl is a bit of a * * * * * and he is aware of that, and he also knows that her and I are not the best of friends... Yet he still goes behind my back and is trying to be in the same living situation with her. Yeah, they're friends, but I am not comfortable with it. She is desperate for anything she can get, and she HAS TOLD ME THIS. Straight to my face. I am afraid to bring this up with him for a few reasons. One would be that we just had that jealousy argument only a week and a half ago. He will say, "Well you said you were going to fix this problem." and all I can think of to say to that is, "Well, I wasn't aware that you were moving in with another girl." I think if he cared about what I think then he would have told me about this sooner, like before he even mentioned the idea to her. When we have serious talks, I get a lot of "I don't know what to say" and "I know" from him. That, and a lot of silence. I am in love with him and he says he loves me too. I just don't know what to do. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 to be honest i don't blame you for being jealous when your bf is running around making huge decisions without even telling you about it. You do need to confront him and talk to him about it, and if he does bring up the jealousy things, you need to tell him this has nothing to do with jealousy, this is about communication and respect for each other. Link to comment
c0nfus3d Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 to be honest i don't blame you for being jealous when your bf is running around making huge decisions without even telling you about it. You do need to confront him and talk to him about it, and if he does bring up the jealousy things, you need to tell him this has nothing to do with jealousy, this is about communication and respect for each other. That's true. Moving is a big decision and I would have liked to have some say in this... We have been dating for a long time and I deserve it. Link to comment
c0nfus3d Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 As for the confrontation thing... I can't call him until Thursday, and he is also coming to see me on Thursday... I don't really want to do this over the internet. Should I wait until I see him on Thursday? Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 yeah face to face is always better, it doesn't matter whether or not you should have a say in it, even if he views it " its my life and im going to do what i want", he still shouldve had the decency to inform you about it. Link to comment
c0nfus3d Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 I kind of understand why he didn't tell me, because I would have been upset (I am now). But it's for good reason in my eyes. I don't understand what his thought process is. He makes enough money to have his own place. Link to comment
karvala Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 I kind of understand why he didn't tell me, because I would have been upset (I am now). But it's for good reason in my eyes. I don't understand what his thought process is. He makes enough money to have his own place. Of course it's for a good reason. It's absolutely classic for someone who is engaging in dubious behaviour in a relationship to try and turn it around on the other person and maintain that it's the other person's jealousy problem, trying to distract attention from their own behaviour and pretend that what they're doing is normal. Don't let him pull this one on you. He's behaved badly, you have every right to be upset, and the correct approach in that situation is not to go and engage in the bad behaviour and then keep quiet about it, blaming the lying on you, but instead not to do the thing that will legitimately upset you in the first place. You should certainly tell him, and make it clear to him that this isn't acceptable, and it wouldn't be acceptable if you did it, or anyone else did it, so it's nothing to do with any jealousy on your part. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 I kind of understand why he didn't tell me, because I would have been upset (I am now). But it's for good reason in my eyes. I don't understand what his thought process is. He makes enough money to have his own place. i really fail to see his logic to be honest, coz im bored you got a cartoon but this is how i see it = image removed karvala's right, dont let him turn it around on you when thats his obvious trail of thinking if he trys to pull the " i knew youd be upset" line lol. Link to comment
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