Jump to content

Lack of Intimacy... Have I Found the Reason Why?


Amore

Recommended Posts

I've written a few threads on here before about my boyfriend, and how I feel like he doesn't feel any passion towards me. We don't hook up, kiss, or do anything sexual often, and when we do, it feels cold and disconnected, like he's not even enjoying it. We also only do anything sexual when he feels like it... if I'm in the mood and I try to 'seduce' him, he just blows me off. We've only been dating for a month, so this absolute lack of intimacy and a sex life shouldn't be an issue so soon.

 

Today he left me alone in his apartment for about 7 hours to take a day trip with a few of his friends. I was bored and decided to go on his computer to look at some youtube videos to pass the time. I had remembered a funny video he had shown me a couple of days ago that I wanted to see again, and after failing to find it by searching on youtube, I went into his internet history to try and find the video.

 

Big mistake.

 

I found a bunch of links to various porn websites. Now, I don't have a problem with porn itself... I don't see it as cheating, I don't compare myself to porn stars, and even I look at racy videos from time to time. But the problem is that he has me, he has a real-life girl, and we don't do anything!! I looked at the times that he was viewing the porn videos, and it was every single day during the past week that he saw me, and all within an hour or two before I came over!! No wonder he's never in the mood to do anything with me.

 

I'm not sure if/how to bring this up, I don't want him to think I was snooping on him (unfortunately, I do have a past of spying on the computers of guys I'm seeing, and he knows this). Also, if it isn't the porn that's causing the lack of attraction he has towards me, I don't want him to think I think porn is evil or anything, under normal circumstances, I don't have any problem with guys looking at porn.

 

Like I said before, we've only been dating for a month or so, and I don't want to cause a huge argument by wrongfully accusing him of anything. But the lack of intimacy we have has been upsetting me since day one, and if this is the reason why, I want to address the problem.

 

Any advice? I'm still in his apartment and he'll be getting home in about 30 minutes - an hour from now...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Makes some sense that the porn is putting him off you. But I wouldn't go bringing up the porn. Maybe bring up the lack of intimacy and how it's upsetting you and ask if there's anything you can do about it together. Maybe someone else will have some good advice. I do think you should bring up the lack of intimacy and see what he has to say in response.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll be the first to admit that porn has really affected my ability to be intimate without sex. If I cuddle, I feel it must lead to sex. If we kiss, I think we better be having sex. It's something that I'm trying to work on, and leave porn alone for a bit. It definitely will affect your relationship. Don't let him tell you otherwise.

 

If you want to work it out, you're going to have to bring it up, and bring it up in a way that's non-confrontational, and not embarrassing to him. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that porn is fine as long as it isn't interfering with the intimacy or sex life between you two and it seems like it most definitely is now. I think at least now you understand why he's not in the mood instead of thinking it's something with you or between you two. Yes, no wonder...he's completely had his fill by the time you come over.

 

Maybe ask him why he's not in the mood? First start with questions like "Do I need to initate more?" "Want me to dress up in a naughty outfit?" then transition into some other questions like "Are you masturbating and taking care of yourself when I'm not around?" this is a way of asking him without accusing him or coming accross as a snooper. IF he says yes tell him to knock it off and let you take care of that!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Porn is very destructive. I am not going to get into how I know this but I can say without hesitation that porn drives a wedge between love and sex. I am a male and know how appealing porn can be but also know how destructive it is. I am not an expert as to how you should deal with the situation but I do know that porn is a bad thing. and don't expect too much to change until the dirty pictures are out of the equation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...