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Rebound Relationship: A little different than the 'usual'


bluecalx
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Hello,

 

I will try to make this short and sweet, and I appreciate any advice given.

 

I am 22, I met a girl online who is 18 and just out of high school. We started talking and we naturally fell in step with each other and we became very close (despite the distance). I have had a few relationships in the past, but when I was around 16 or so and they were really high-school level relationships that really didn't count for true love, so I didn't see what was coming in this situation.

 

We had met around 2 or so weeks after she had broken up with her ex, who was also a long-distance relationship, and I believe they had been together for a little over a year, not sure if they met up or not.

 

We spent a ton of time together on a daily basis, hours on the webcam sharing feelings and becoming as close as you could imagine. She told me about her ex and what horrible things he had done to her and I had promised her that I would never do such things, even if she hurt me in the most terrible way, and that I wanted to provide the support for her to heal and move on. She had deleted text messages from him, conversation logs, everything, and from what she said to me and how she acted I felt there was really no way she could ever want to go back to him.

 

I was very supportive of her, very respectful, I never once put her in a difficult position. She even said herself how amazed she was at how respectful I was, how funny, and told me she would always love me as long as I loved her. Simple as that.

 

Basically one day she sent me a last message saying I love you too, after I had said I love you, and went cold NC. This was on a Friday, I was a complete wreck for two days until Sunday night when I talked to her friend I met through her and found out that basically she and her ex were talking again, and that she wanted to talk to me but didn't know what to say.

 

At one point during that month she would put away messages up when she knew I would see them, and a frequent one was this:

 

‘All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.’

 

A little over a month later, after complete NC, but leaving me unblocked on AIM where we would both be online at the same time but not say a word to each other, she sends me a letter telling me what had happened, how she shouldn't have ignored me and avoided me like she did, apologized, said I was a wonderful person and that I'd find someone to love, and that I could contact her through AIM if I wished (which was our main method of contact, besides phone and webcam.) I have chosen not to contact her on AIM for a good long awhile, I'm thinking at around Christmas time I'll either strike up a small conversation and then NC for another few months, or send a small gift to her along with one to my friend that I met through her.

 

 

I've definitely learned a lot through all of this, and I know it's cheesy to some people that it's long-distance, but to me when I met her, the only aspect that was missing was physical. Which is important, yes, but isn't immediately necessary.

 

So I figure this could go two ways: She goes back to her ex, who treated her terribly when they broke up (sent harassing text messages, phone calls, called her names and brought up some terrible things in her past that she experienced and used it against her), and given time she finds out he's exactly the same jerk she left in the first place.

 

Or in time, I heal from the deep emotional connections I have with her, and eventually find someone else.

 

Right now I'm just focusing on healing, and if she does come back later on and I'm at a point where we can just be friends while I move on, that's fine. Or give her some time to heal, which was the first mistake, and take it very slow.

 

A few thoughts that have crossed my mind in this time, that could help me:

 

1)She's young, and is still trying to find out for herself what she needs.

2)When she went cold NC, I didn't flip out and get angry like I feel a lot of people would after someone does something like that to another.

3)I was respectful in this situation, despite what happened to me, whereas her ex was not, and she might realize this as time goes on and things get back into the old swing with her ex.

4)How much of an impression I made on her when we were together, the respectfulness and loving support.

 

Sorry for the long rant, I know this wasn't short and sweet, but there are still so many aspects of a relationship that one can only sum up so well without going off on rabbit trails all the time. I still do love her with all of my heart, I sent a respectful and caring response to her letter and that's been it. There had been hints throughout the process that she was struggling with leaving me.

 

I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation, and if anyone could give their opinion and predict some possible outcomes?

 

As of right now, where my feelings are, the question I do want to ask (which I know is unhealthy, but I'm actually doing well with moving on, just have more work to do internally), what are my chances of her coming back? I'm staying strong, still pursuing the same goals I had before I met her and doing well in that regard, staying positive and being friendly.

 

Woo, I need to stop. Thanks to anyone/everyone who reads this. =)

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I feel like the best thing to do is to move on. I know what it feels like to be heartbroken because of an ex who you simply cannot get over, and how comforting it is to talk to someone else to get your mind off things. But in the end, she is emotionally attached to him, and nothing, no one, can replace that until she decides she is ready to move on. It sounds to me like she was filling a void by talking to you, but as soon as he came back into her life, of course she went back to him. I don't doubt that she enjoyed what you two had, and maybe she even developed feelings for you, but you aren't him, and she clearly isn't ready to let go of him yet.

I am speaking from experience from the point of view of the girl. One of my guy friends is falling for me because I've been spending time with him because things aren't going as well as I hope they would with the guy I love. I've actually started distancing myself because it will just hurt him more if he starts to get too into it, and I really don't feel ready to emotionally commit to anyone else quite yet.

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