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Nc and fighting the urge


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Hi everyone.

 

Just a question really for all those currently in nc. When you have those times when you're perhaps at home, bored and you feel the strongest compulsion to pick up the phone and call or text, what do you do to fight the urge??

 

After 8 months broken up and making tones of mistakes and constantly "being there" and trying to turn it around, i've learnt i'm wasting my time. (better late than never right!

 

The longest i've managed nc in the past is perhaps 8 days! Rubbish i know. But i know i need to do it now. Any ideas on what people do what be cool.

 

Ta.

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Even though i still see my ex twice a week i n class(where she sits beside me) we really don't talk apart from the "hi" and "hello". Been NC for 16 days.

 

Everyday I have the urge to call her but the urge is strongest on Saturdays. It used to be our day. In days like these I tend to write what I want to say to her so that I won't have to say it to her. It's not easy but i found this helps me a lot.

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I think NC is a way for us to slowly move on while at the same time they need to feel what it's like to live without us. Weather or not they respond the way we want them to is up to them.

 

It's a very painful process and I do feel worse than when my ex broke up with me.

 

Her friends contacted me yesterday inviting me to a BBQ with them. My ex has told them we were still friends because we had an amicable break up.

 

How long have you and your ex been apart?

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I am on Day 40 of NC. I find the urges are with me everyday.

 

I read books, i listen to music, i shop, i pamper myself. I spend a lot of time on here, makes me feel better as there are so many understanding people on here going through the same thing.

 

I read somewhere that to fight a bad habit you need to replace it and this can take a while to form a new healthy habit.

 

I struggle with the urges everyday.

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After the break up, I bought myself a drum set.

 

Pounded on that, talked on here, or went and did something else - anything else - when thoughts turned to him and missing him.

 

It's been over a year since we split and though I'm still a single gal, I have gotten pretty damn good on the drums.

 

Point being to find something positive to channel it into. Sometimes I'd swim laps in the pool til I was exhausted, or run or lift weights, ANYTHING you like ....

 

preferably something that doesn't need that logical, analytical side of the brain but let's you give off some steam and emotion...

 

music, painting, is good for me. What about you? What are you drawn to?

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I think NC is a way for us to slowly move on while at the same time they need to feel what it's like to live without us. Weather or not they respond the way we want them to is up to them.

 

It's a very painful process and I do feel worse than when my ex broke up with me.

 

Her friends contacted me yesterday inviting me to a BBQ with them. My ex has told them we were still friends because we had an amicable break up.

 

How long have you and your ex been apart?

 

8 months. Should have gone nc along time ago. I've been the constantly available, always there for her guy and you're right, it's not given her a chance to face up to the prospect of not having me in her life. I've probably left it too late for her to change her mind

 

time to heal.

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Hi everyone.

 

Just a question really for all those currently in nc. When you have those times when you're perhaps at home, bored and you feel the strongest compulsion to pick up the phone and call or text, what do you do to fight the urge??

 

After 8 months broken up and making tones of mistakes and constantly "being there" and trying to turn it around, i've learnt i'm wasting my time. (better late than never right!

 

The longest i've managed nc in the past is perhaps 8 days! Rubbish i know. But i know i need to do it now. Any ideas on what people do what be cool.

 

Ta.

 

Well Im on DAy Three of NC, and what I have been doing is thinking what an @rse he is. That helps.

 

Guess you have to keep remembering the reason why you are broken up in the first place..........

 

Ofcourse i dont know the details of what happened to u.

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After the break up, I bought myself a drum set.

 

Pounded on that, talked on here, or went and did something else - anything else - when thoughts turned to him and missing him.

 

It's been over a year since we split and though I'm still a single gal, I have gotten pretty damn good on the drums.

 

Point being to find something positive to channel it into. Sometimes I'd swim laps in the pool til I was exhausted, or run or lift weights, ANYTHING you like ....

 

preferably something that doesn't need that logical, analytical side of the brain but let's you give off some steam and emotion...

 

music, painting, is good for me. What about you? What are you drawn to?

 

Well i'm into sports. Love football so the opportunity to kick lumps out of someone is great

I've been on many runs over this time, letting off steam and that. Other than that i listen to lots of music, stuff like Radiohead and Sigur Ros and also love fims. Lost count how many times i watched High Fidelity after my break-up.

It's certaintly time i stopped being a wet blanket and got on with myown things ya know.

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Well Im on DAy Three of NC, and what I have been doing is thinking what an @rse he is. That helps.

 

Guess you have to keep remembering the reason why you are broken up in the first place..........

 

Ofcourse i dont know the details of what happened to u.

 

Without going into to it all, ex-girlfriend broke up with me. We were together three and a half years so it hit me very hard. No infidelity involved but we're broken up so i guess it doesn't matter anymore, cant keep dwelling on it.

Never, ever given her the chance to experience life without me whilst i move on. But i guess after 8 months, its better late than never.

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Without going into to it all, ex-girlfriend broke up with me. We were together three and a half years so it hit me very hard. No infidelity involved but we're broken up so i guess it doesn't matter anymore, cant keep dwelling on it.

Never, ever given her the chance to experience life without me whilst i move on. But i guess after 8 months, its better late than never.

 

Well that's right...better late than never.

 

I still salute you for being able to be around her knowing it may not work out still. My ex is trying to be friends with me right now but I just can't so it.

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Well i was kidding myself i could do it as i was terrified of losing her. I still am but the difference is i've realised it's time to look after myself. She told me last week she doesn't wanna lose me either so it's up to her now to make contact 'cos i will no longer do so.... Well, that's the idea anyway, hence me starting this thread.

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Better later than never, hell yeah!!

 

Football would be GREAT. Never thought of that one (well I'm little but scrappy, it's fun but I get creamed lol).

 

It took me a while, but now I'm at the point where if even a glimmer of thinking of 'what ifs' or 'back then' pop up about him...I can usually redirect that thought back to something positive and active. It's practice. You practice each time a thought or (sometimes overwelming) feeling pops up by recognizing it for what it is, and then stopping and turning your attention to something good for you.

 

So it's double good...not having to suffer so much from missing and all that, and building yourself and your esteem and confidence and life up and in a new direction with new opportunities and fun.

 

You can do it!! You are ready now..had to do the other to find out it doesn't work for you, is all, right.

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the lenghtiest i've gone as far as NC is concerned is 2 and a half weeks..aside from keeping my mind preoccupied, i say to myself that he doesn't want to talk to me, coz if he did, he would've already called, so why bother? that's what i do whenever i feel like breaking NC

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I read your reply on my thread

 

Heres something I read ages ago on another forum . It might help you:

 

I recently did the NC thing after my ex dumped me. It took him 8 months but he came back - I caught him driving by my house, then he'd call and hang up - then finally he contacted me. Hold your ground - they always come back - it kills them when you do NC and they'll pop back up when you least expect it (which is usually right about the time you think you've gotten over them).

 

Just don't do what I did recently - which is let them back in too easily. My ex popped back up then I agreed to go out with him - same issues were there, same crap - it went to hell in a handbasket.

 

It's the wondering what the ex is doing that's the killer - but actually they're doing the same thing they've always done. We all tend to glamorize them when we're apart and think they're drinking champagne, dating rich beautiful people, etc. They're not. They're doing the same crap we are - sitting around wondering what we're doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

](*,)

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Hi Pace

 

Think about what she says there - she doesn't want to lose you. It doesn't make any sense, does it? She is happy to risk losing you by putting you in this position, right?

 

The important thing to remember is that you already have lost her in the capacity of what was. Nobody knows what the future is gonna bring you but if you look out for you first and foremost then you will find things become a lot easier as you become stronger and stronger.

 

Keep going mate!

 

Mark

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the lenghtiest i've gone as far as NC is concerned is 2 and a half weeks..aside from keeping my mind preoccupied, i say to myself that he doesn't want to talk to me, coz if he did, he would've already called, so why bother? that's what i do whenever i feel like breaking NC

 

good advice denise14

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Hi Pace

 

Think about what she says there - she doesn't want to lose you. It doesn't make any sense, does it? She is happy to risk losing you by putting you in this position, right?

 

The important thing to remember is that you already have lost her in the capacity of what was. Nobody knows what the future is gonna bring you but if you look out for you first and foremost then you will find things become a lot easier as you become stronger and stronger.

 

Keep going mate!

 

Mark

 

 

cheers clabs. Wise words as ever.

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For me I just remember how badly she treated me and the fact she was 'pursuing' other avenues. That nasty feeling gives me more than enough strength to know that contacting her will only give her more power. I want to slowly take all that back from her as I will my heart and love I had for her. The person she could lean and totally depend upon is no longer around.

 

I did think of emailing her in the early weeks but decided 'if I don't do anything, I can't screw up'.

 

40 days of NC here and firmly entrenched.

 

Willpower is everything, force yourself NOT to contact, post in here instead. I wish I'd have found this site sooner though.

 

Write down their number(s) and put them somewhere where you can't easily get at them. Then delete their number(s) from your phone(s). You still have their number(s), it's just not in your reach anymore.

 

Works for me.

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