Your partner's hobbies.

[_Asti_]

Does anyone here, have a partner who has a hobby that you have a hard time with?

 

Over the years, my boyfriend's wish of having a motorcycle went from being a dream, to a reality.

 

I am petrified of bikes. My cousin was killed on his motorcycle and since then I have always been very negative towards them, and the thought of him being on one scares me to all hell.

 

I constantly tell and picture him wrapping himself around a pole somewhere, most of the time I do not feel safe driving in a car with him, I cannot imagine him on a bike, especially with his need and love for speed

 

I don't know how I'm going to cope with this, I really don't. I've been pretty chill about it in the past because in the past it was a thought, a dream..and its fast approaching a reality.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I had a boyfriend who smoked.

 

It bugged me a lot when we were going out.

 

However, after we broke up, it stopped bothering me....weird. I would be okay with dating a smoker now.

 

I do know the feeling though.

[babii doll]

he's into guns/hunting, im totally not into that, never even touched a gun in my life. it just bothers me when ppl hunt for sport like that, killing defenseless animals, a few months back he went hunting with his boss and killed a deer, had veal burgers, i was totally disgusted by that.

 

only time i think hunting is ok is if you have no other option, means for food- other than leave the poor animals alone.

 

i sometimes worry for him when he does hunt, he might end up with a d--k cheney one day.

[_Asti_]

he's into guns/hunting, im totally not into that, never even touched a gun in my life. it just bothers me when ppl hunt for sport like that, killing defenseless animals, a few months back he went hunting with his boss and killed a deer, had veal burgers, i was totally disgusted by that.

 

only time i think hunting is ok is if you have no other option, means for food- other than leave the poor animals alone.

 

i sometimes worry for him when he does hunt, he might end up with a d--k cheney one day.

 

My guy hunts as well, has his guns and all that crap. I'm totally not into it, but the thought of him getting killed out there running around dressed like a pylon doesn't really cross my mind!

[waveseer]

It's always been my hobbies that were the more dangerous, chainsaws excluded.

[TENNFOLD1974]

he's into guns/hunting, im totally not into that, never even touched a gun in my life. it just bothers me when ppl hunt for sport like that, killing defenseless animals, a few months back he went hunting with his boss and killed a deer, had veal burgers, i was totally disgusted by that.

 

only time i think hunting is ok is if you have no other option, means for food- other than leave the poor animals alone.

 

i sometimes worry for him when he does hunt, he might end up with a d--k cheney one day.

I feel the same way about hunting...it's just senseless unless your starving.

[Kalika]

Motorcycles and smoking are dealbreakers for me.....

[thejigsup]

My bf loves guns and hunting. As long as he doesn't involve me in it, I'm fine. I never tell a guy I'm with what to do...ever. I hate when it is done to me, so I don't do it to others. I can't stand drinking and smoking, but I wouldn't date someone who did that, anyway.

[ColorBlue]

=/ How could hunting be senseless. Are you saying its BETTER to eat the meat of animals forced to live in horrible situations to support the huge meat demand that people in America have? By eating that meat you're supporting the agony and suffering of those Truly Defenseless animals. The deer and wild animals get to live in open habitats and the only suffering by humans they directly receive is a bullet or an arrow. By the way, those deer aren't helpless. They've got strong muscles and hard horns. They have the ability to run away or kill us if they're close enough. Do cows for slaughter have that ability? How about those chickens?

 

I'm not saying I'm against eating meat, I'm just saying think about what you're saying. It just doesn't make sense. It feels like its really odd to say that hunting is cruel and not make any mention towards the cruel way our "domestic meat" is raised.

[Kiradoll]

so this isnt really a hobby... but he models. and although im okay with him modeling, sometimes it can get annoying, especially with all the gay guys he works with who are constantly hitting on him and * * * * * ing at me cause theyre jealous of me.

[_Asti_]

Motorcycles and smoking are dealbreakers for me.....

 

He actually asked if him getting a motorcycle was a deal breaker for me.

 

I don't know if I can justify ending an almost 5 year, GREAT, relationship with a man because he's chosen to ride a motorcycle.

 

Generally, we almost always take each other's thoughts and feelings into considerdation when doing things, and the fact that despite everything he's still doing it..just shows me HOW much he really wants this. He's NEVER done a "Too bad, I'm doing it I don't care what you think" type of thing, ever. So for him to still want this after all i said and done just says to me that he wants this pretty bad.

 

All his buddies are getting into it as well, and I don't want to be the reason he can't get one, because that would be the reason. I don't want to be "I can't get a bike because my girl says so..."

 

And thats what I'm struggling with. And I don't want to threaten a breakup because of a stupid bike, but I am just not comfortable AT ALL with this. And I don't know how to change my train of thought.

[itsallgrand]

Well, your fears and reaction are partly about the bf....and partly due to your cousin and the past.

 

Separate the two and decide to make sure 100% you are dealing with your bf as an individual in his individual situation.

 

Is he truly reckless? Has he gone and got his license, practice? Is he skilled? Is he just getting on a bike with no experience and going way too fast and being ridiculous? Or is he being careful and going to use this bike in a responsible manner?

 

I understand the nature of your fear. My father was killed on a motorcycle, in an accident.

 

However, my father was also a highly skilled driver and cautious...the accident was not caused by his recklessness. It was caused by a drunk driving kid speeding with a car!!

 

Now I guess I could easily fear bikes at this point but actually I really like them, share that passion with my dad of the freedom it offers, and even learned to ride myself (since dad wasn't around to finish teaching me .

 

But I also know the truth of the matter is: when it's truck or bike, who do you think wins? Doesn't matter how cautious or skilled you are. There is a risk factor involved.

 

I don't know. Perhaps you can come to a compromise. What is it exactly your bf's dream involves.....speed? Biking cross country? Biking with guys on little mini trips? Racing? Bike ownership and having fun with the mechanics of it, spending time in the garage working on the beast? lol.

 

Get all the facts. I guess to a certain degree, you are just going to have to handle your fears since you have chosen this man - and his passions - as part of your life.

 

But you can ask that he keep it at reasonable, realistic risk taking!!

 

If the man is pure reckless....that's a whole other story. If he gets his thrills by doing something simply because it is dangerous....that's different too.

[_Asti_]

I guess I just clump all motorcyclist together. I have heard many many stories about motorcyclists being killed, and if that person was in a car, odds are they would have survived.

 

Its not that he's reckless. I am an overly cautious driver, super anal. We're talking turn signals in an empty parking lot at 3:00am anal. Him, not so much. But he's from a big city, and is used to big city driving, and well we live in a small city, where big city driving isn't the norm, yet he still drives that way. Maybe thats part of my issue. He's not careless or reckless, he's just a boy that loves speed and vehicles.

 

I think its the risk factor I have an issue with. He has taken the course, does have his license. But that was a two day course, and suddenly he think he's ready to rip around the city on it?

 

I think he wants this to develop into a hobby, he loves just driving. We go on road trips for no reason, just wake up and drive all day. He wants the same with the bike. To just have a weekend trip with the boys, just get on the bikes and rip around the province.

 

I have stressed my fears over and over, and NO ONE in either of our family agrees with his choice, but he's constant to reassure us that he won't be stupid, he knows the risks and won't be an idiot. I just don't want him to think he's gonna be all artsy fartsy and drive like he does with his car. Because like you said, bike vs truck..truck almost always wins.

[SamiJayne]

god my boyfriends hobby is nothing compaired to the rest.

 

But he constantly play's World of Warcraft. Sigh I used to play it too, but since i got pregnant I just lost interest. And he still plays it every night after work. yawn

[babii doll]

um i dont know if your talking me or the other post but im a vegetarian, i dont support raised livestock being sent off to their death so some regular joe can have his tbone for dinner. and if there was a man vs deer situation, the man packing the rifle would win, their strong muscles and hard horns would mean nothing at the end. but thats just my thoughts on it =)

[Girl79]

My ex got a bike, and I loved being on the back of it so much, I went out and got my license and got my own bike I would still worry about him because he would ride all the time, even in the winter he would use his bike to get to and from work. We have both been in accidents and we both survived, so not all crashes end in death.

There isn't alot you can do though. You just have to figure out if this is a dealbreaker for you or not. At least he is being responsible and took the safety course. Who knows, you may try riding on the back and end up loving it. It really gives you a true sense of freedom.

[Syntax1985]

my first long term, was an obbsesive artist, sometimes i used to go round her house, and id up watching tv for 4 hours while she painted a pic of me....

 

that moved onto constant photography, i hate having my photo taken.

 

i remember on one of my bdays i got a A3 size painting of me and her. she put alot of alot of effort into it and it was really nice, but at that point, after having it constantly, it was like getting socks.

[_Asti_]

My ex got a bike, and I loved being on the back of it so much, I went out and got my license and got my own bike I would still worry about him because he would ride all the time, even in the winter he would use his bike to get to and from work. We have both been in accidents and we both survived, so not all crashes end in death.

There isn't alot you can do though. You just have to figure out if this is a dealbreaker for you or not. At least he is being responsible and took the safety course. Who knows, you may try riding on the back and end up loving it. It really gives you a true sense of freedom.

 

Well the one he wanted fell through. Plus his mother threatened to kick him out if he got the bike, and at this point that happening would really screw up our plans and goals and he doens't want that to happen, so I think that helped and put things more into perspective for him.

 

So I'm in the clear for now haha. I know it's going to happen sooner or later, and don't think its a dealbreaker..I'd be a fool to leave him over a bike..but it still scares me * * * * less!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

A lot has to do with the type of bike he gets too... I've had friends who've ridden bikes for years and been fine, and know others who've had serious, life changing injuries.

 

So you can try to influence the type of bike he gets. Try to discourage the high speed Japanese/imported sport bikes they use in street racing, as those i think have the most injuries when young men get stupid racing those on streets.

 

I have a friend who was fine for years on a 'regular' motorcyle, who then decided to get a sport bike and join a sport bike club (impressing other guys speeding around too fast). He went off the edge of a ravine on a turn and seriously injured himself and destroyed the bike. After a few years of not riding at all, he went and got himself a large touring (big) bike that is very comfortable and an carry a passenger, and now he behaves himself and is doing fine.

 

So if he must get a bike, insist on a touring bike not a sport bike, and he may be less likely to injure himself. But mostly it has to do with his maturity and not riding too fast. If he's the type to do that, i'd discourage it at all.

[_Asti_]

He does not want a touring bike. He's going for the crotch rocket, and has no interest whatsoever in anything else.

 

Its not my place though to discourage, is it? I have, I have stressed and been over my fears over and over, and for him to disregard it just shows how bad he wants it, because he's usually very open and willing to compromise and takes my word into consideration, and for this he isn't. If I begged and pleaded and threw myself on the ground begging not to, he wouldn't..but then he'd really start resenting me and wouldn't appreciate it.

 

So I'm torn.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i can somewhat relate. my bf also realllllly wants a Harley or motorbike in the distant future, but me: i'm terrified of them and even though i agree you "shouldnt hold each other back, bla bla bla" i don't want to see anything happening to him! lol. even he admits he always has bad luck and SOMETHING or the other always happens when he is "trying stuff".

 

i guess his other hobby i have a minor problem with is one i posted about: the amount of time he dedicates to his friends vs me.

[JeckyllNHyde]

ok.. sorry i just read the rest of the thread about the actual problem.. i thought this was just a general question.

 

i wouldnt end it over the bike, specially from ur other posts this relationship seems wonderfull.

maybe u both can compromise? i.e. that he is carefull and doesn't try and pull dangerous stunts on it. also.. that maybe he doesn't use it as a regular means of transport?

 

did u ever see the episode of king of queens? haha.. the husband goes out and gets a bike behind his wife's back and in the end he ends up hating it.. bugs in his face, when it rains he gets soaked..

 

basically, maybe once ur bf "fullfills this desire" he MAY just not want to use it as often anymore. the more u say no, the more he wants it bad.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you obviously can't stop him, but you can tell him that if he injures himself you won't be a part of it... many people who have accidents on bikes lose arms and legs, have severe head injuries and are paralyzed. Just tell him if any of that happens, you won't stick around to support him because he's being stupid.

 

People can learn to ride responsibly, but they can also engage in very dangerous street racing or driving over the speed limit. He should be fine if he's responsible, but if he wants to race a crotch rocket with his buddies, he's being stupid.

[kuiks8]

my b/f mountain bikes and I don't even ride a bike-haven't had once since my strawberry shortcake banana seat bike...and my grandfather and fav teacher were both hit by drunk drivers while on bikes so i get worried when he rides...mountain or road!

[Girl79]

If he wants a crotch rocket, guaranteed he is not going to be riding the speed limit. I have one, and alot of my friends have them, and we didn't buy them so we could ride the speed limit. Sportbikes are alot more dangerous because it's so hard to ride them and not want to push the limits. They are so high performance. They are meant for speed and track racing, they really aren't meant for the street.