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What should I do?


Chillihead

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Some background info:

Am I Needy?

 

Your Thoughts?

 

My GF has had a difficult time this last month and a bit trying to figure out where she is it at - Basically she isn't ready for a relationship and needs time to get over the break up of her long term relationship first.

 

So, to that end we have been taking things slower. I haven't been out to stay at her place for a month and we haven't hung out at the weekend, apart from one day which was really awesome.

 

Early last week she said she had an epiphany just as she was going to sleep and while she couldn't remember the exact details she did remember that we would be together eventually but we both had things we needed to do first. She didn't know what and she didn't know how long it would take, but she was adamant we would be together.

 

On Thursday I asked her if there was any chance we could hang out this weekend, which precipitated a lengthy discussion about where we were at and we ended up agreeing that maybe we should just split until she sorts herself out. I told her that I was afraid I was losing her and assured me I wasn't losing her.

 

As much as it hurt me to agree to that, I had to admit that we were basically there already, so to split really wasn't a big step. We agreed that we would still be in contact with each other via email at work, text and MSN. That night she had a big talk with a girl friend of hers about how she is feeling and her friend completely understood and thought it was quite normal

 

So, yesterday (Friday) I was all set to 'keep my distance' at work yet we ended up discussing it more, then we had lunch together, sat and talked about our shared experiences and memories for a while, and all in all had a fantastic day. And to top it off there just happened to be someone selling roses at work so I bought one for her. She pretended to be annoyed but said I was sweet, something she has used a fair bit over the last couple of weeks.

 

I was leaving a little early to go and have a beer so I asked if she was interested even though I knew I shouldn't, and she said she would love to, but wouldn't as she didn't want to give me the wrong impression. Then she emailed me back and asked when I would be going home, and it turns out she she DID want to go for that beer but had other stuff to do first.

 

In the end she didn't come for a beer as her things did quite a while to do, but she did start texting me telling me how she was getting on. I was organising another fridge and when I told her that she suggested that I could use it to keep some of the beer she likes, just for her.

 

Last night I went out to a friends place to watch a movie and we ended up texting each other about what we were watching. So, from my perspective things have been just great since Thursday.

 

I know I won't see her this weekend, and that bums me out, especially because it is a long weekend .

 

When we agreed to split, she said she was quite happy for me to see other people, and even sleep with them if I felt I should. She is happy with this because she knows my heart is with her and not the person I would be sleeping with. 'Just sex' as she called it - she wouldn't like it, but she wouldn't be upset. I asked if she wanted me to afford her the same understanding, and she didn't.

 

However, I told her I would not be sleeping with anyone else and I am happy just to wait for her to sort herself out.

 

So, with all that said - I feel quite happy to wait for her as I love her very much, yet at the same time would really like someone to hang out with, and it can't be her.

 

What do I do?

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Some background info:

 

 

When we agreed to split, she said she was quite happy for me to see other people, and even sleep with them if I felt I should. She is happy with this because she knows my heart is with her and not the person I would be sleeping with.

 

 

Um....dude, I don't think she's coming back man, not after saying something like that.

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If you are okay with waiting, why not take up something you've always wanted to do with your spare time. Then you can share this with her on MSN.

 

I am definitely cool with waiting - there are plenty of things I should be doing in my spare time, if I only I could stop my brain my thinking about her long enough to concentrate on doing them...

 

Thanks for the advice

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is just an update really

 

For the last week I have been taking 5-HTP tablets, which boost Serotonin production in the body. Within 24 hours I felt normal again - my depression, anxiety, racing mind, listlessness, lack of motivation, lack of sex drive, etc were gone. I don't know how long I will take them for - I have a months supply to start with so will see re-evaluate when I am close to finishing them.

 

I am now at a point where I feel that I can move on from this relationship, either to having some time by myself, now that I am beginning to enjoy some me time, or perhaps on to another relationship. To that end I have been active on a couple of dating web sites, but the better I feel, the less I feel I need to pursue that.

 

I no longer feel bummed out that she doesn't text me often, nor do I feel it necessary to chat with her MSN every night. I have told her that if she wants to chat with me she is to text me first as I don't even leave my client running any more.

 

I still have the odd moment of sadness, but I think now that I'm lamenting what could have been, rather than what actually was. Still, those moments are few and far between.

 

I don't know if she still feels that there is a chance of us getting back together in the future, but we still chat via email at work each day, and she still says good bye each afternoon. She invited herself to have beer with me last Friday when I had told her I was going to the pub with a friend to check out all the office girls, so I suspect there might be still something there.

 

That is a discussion we will have to have eventually I guess...

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