I am scared of myself

[Yodabell]

Remember - we are ALWAYS here for you hon. Always and forever.

 

Don't you ever hurt yourself..........

 

I'm back from lunch so I'm here again too for you

[Angel_baby]

Thanks guys

[CallingAllAngels]

Thanks guys

 

is your son up yet Angel?

[CallingAllAngels]

Angel....are you there?

[Yodabell]

What time is it in Missouri Angel? What is the weather like there at this time of year?

[KG]

We are here for you Angel!

[CallingAllAngels]

Talk to us hon.......

[raining.stars]

Angel sending love your way, hope you are ok.

Remember this is not who you are . 90% of people who want to hurt themselves have a chemical imbalance in their brain or depression, so it is not you, it is NOT a weakness it is a DISEASE. Im hoping you can get meds that will work and also some councilling. You can do this, one step at a time.

Grieve for your past, your health, what you have lost, your husband , your dreams. What we hope for in life is so different from what we get. I know because the man I wanted to marry passed away 10 months ago. I know what it is like to grieve for someone you love and a dream.

But you have to focus on what you do have and on your future.

Your future it is so bright, a son, you are his world he loves you more than anyone. You have your sister. That is already 2 people who love you and don't want you to leave. And not to mention all the people on this forum. We want you to get better and be happy. It wont happen over night but you will get there slowly, one step at a time, one day at a time. Sometimes there will be steps backward and yes you will want to give up. I wanted to give up so many times, but think about the things you have to live for, think about the love, not the hate. At times like this remember happy times and happy times yet to come and most of all your son. You have lasted this long, why not a bit longer? just one day more, and then another. You deserve a future with your son and happiness and I know it will come. Believe me it will.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Check back here and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there...you will weather this storm. Most of us have been through really really low points in our lives and the feeling of despair can be overwhelming....but it eventually does pass even though at the time it feels like it never will. You will get through this...you will be stronger for it and sunnier times will come back again. It really will.

[arwen]

Hey girlie,

 

Keep on talking to us. We are your friends and we're here for you.

 

HUGS

[Snoopy24]

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad Angel

 

I think about suicide a lot too. Sometimes I just wish I would go to sleep and never wake up.

 

but then I realize how that would destroy the people that love me, and I know I could never do that to them.

 

You say you have nobody. But you do. You have your son. Every child needs their parent. It is your job to be there for him, and raise him. If you were to leave it would destroy his life. The life you created would be destroyed and he would end up with your abusive husband. Would you really want that?

 

Is there a way you and your son can leave your husband? Could you stay at a relatives house? Nobody should be forced to stay with someone for any reason. If he is being abusive you have to get away from him, and keep your son away from him.

[jengh]

Angel, call a psychiatrist that DOES NOT work at the same facility as your husband, tell them you're feeling this way. There has to be more than one in town.

 

I so wish I could do something to help you. If I lived closer, I'd be right over and steal you and your boy away from your husband.

 

Just stay strong, okay? I know your sister is younger but she IS your sister. She is there for you and would want to know what's going on. She loves you.

 

Sigh.. I really wish I could do something.

[tiredofvampires]

Angel!!

 

I'm so sorry hun that you are going through all this hell -- and that I've been off here for a few days. I've had a lot of crap to deal with and decided to take a bit of a "breather" (things just felt like they were coming undone!), but I feel awful knowing you're going through this crisis now and I haven't been on here!!

 

I haven't read through the thread yet, but I'm about to!

 

Just from your OP though, I want to say that when I was an inpatient at age 17, in this psych unit after my half-hearted attempt to kill myself (with pills), they put me on a medication called Triavil, which is an anti-psychotic medication. And what happened is that I felt like an EMOTIONLESS ZOMBIE -- I have described that to myself in EXACTLY those words. Why they put me on an antipsyhotic drug when I was depressed and suicidal already was beyond me, but I think what it probably does is take away all the urges to make you feel anything -- and that includes feel normal, healthy fear, anger, sorrow, etc. Remember, it's a very, very strong drug to make a person not act on psychotic urges, so I think it might translate in depression to just cancel out ANY feelings whatsoever so that you don't have the NORMAL ones to keep your mind able to have perspective.

 

I have to read the thread to find out why you haven't stopped this medication sooner, but I say that you taper it off IMMEDIATELY -- the depression you can handle, we can get through that part, okay? Because you are depressed thinking that there are no solutions to your situation. But there are -- there are, there are, there are, and actually in the end, medication is just a bandaid (if you find one that doesn't cause these negative side effects) until you can really cleanse the wound underneath.

 

Your depression is not a disease -- it's the result of feeling trapped in an unlivable environment with enormous physical pain, which is a life-stealing experience. But your feeling depressed about that is actually a very normal human response to feeling helpless and hopeless, but there IS help, starting here, us, me, your sister, etc., and there is a whole world out there to hope for real solutions, not just bandaids, okay? You may need some sort of interim bandaid, but it's not the cure. The cure is changing the circumstances so that you are empowered, and you can and will do that!!

 

But this isn't a badaid, this is just more tinder to the fire, this isn't the right thing for you to be on, this medication, period!

 

Medications can seriously cause your mind not to be thinking straight and tamper with your self-control buttons; if you're depressed, you can still think straight so long as you keep talking through what's depressing you and don't have something like this stuff clouding your mind. YOU/WE NEED TO BE RATIONAL HERE, OK?

 

I got off my Triavil pretty quickly (when I left that hospital), and fired that shrink....I tell you, I think she was just a real witch. She was not a good person, not a good doctor. And the doctor that is prescribing that drug to you is just stabbing in the dark. He is NOT a good clinician and does not have an understanding of what is really at play for you, and this is NOT THE RIGHT STUFF FOR YOU TO BE ON, PERIOD. There is always another drug to try, there are hundreds, and there are other ways of dealing with depression as well, so you don't need to take poison. I remember the feelings I had on Triavil, I will never forget it -- I felt when I was walking through the halls, I was like a disembodied spirit just floating through, and that my life had already ended. It seemed so easy to imagine myself not existing anymore. I didn't feel like *I* existed, except as a body propelling myself strangely along, ambulating aimlessly. I felt the thoughts in my head were dead, my words were dead.

 

I felt dead.

 

So I can see that if you are not supervised, and feeling dead already from this medication, it's a very dangerous situation!

 

But know that this is NOT YOUR REAL LIFE, YOUR REAL MIND, and that things are going to change after this bad spell. Also like I said, before it gets light, before things get better, as big changes approach -- there is a great feeling of doom anyway. You are facing some serious changes to your life and that alone is petrifying!

 

But we and I am here all the way! It gets better Angel, I promise! I have been very, very, very depressed lately, almost as bad as back in those days, and I have some news for you -- I still have reasons to live and there is hope even when your body is in pain and not the body you wanted to have.

 

You're my sis out there, and know that I know your struggle in so many ways...

 

PLEASE PM ME -- I don't know if you're offline because your husband is there, and when you'll be back online, but I'm worried for you.

 

I wish like Jen that I could just snatch you away from all of that...but we are here to help you get where all of this is a bad memory and there is a new life for you, even if it's not going to be easy.

 

Don't stop the meds cold turkey as I don't know the effects of that (taper it, I say, but talk to someone who knows first!), but I do know that I was on that sort of drug and it was like the Devil. And other psychiatric drugs do make people suicidal as a side effect, so you can comfort yourself knowing this is just a temporary chemical situation that is going to stop/change, most likely (because you weren't this critical before, before you were taking it), it's not the truth about your life!

 

And of course you can't let your husband have your son, so you've got to stay focused here.

 

I'm here, and you know how to contact me -- don't be too proud, don't feel weak, this is not the time for foolish thoughts like that, ok??

 

*HUUUUGEhugs*, you're going to be okay, just stay with us and keep talking, and contact meeeeeeee!

[tiredofvampires]

Remember this is not who you are . 90% of people who want to hurt themselves have a chemical imbalance in their brain or depression, so it is not you, it is NOT a weakness it is a DISEASE.

 

I just noticed this, and want to say, since CC and I think alike on a lot of things, this is absolutely true what she says about depression not being a weakness, but rather a chemical imbalance in your brain. The one most frustrating thing about the Suicide forum to me is that people are asking emotionally and philosophically driven questions that are ALL actually medical situations -- whether they were born with a predisposition to it, or whether life has just gotten too much to bear, it ends up at the same place one someone is at rock bottom. In some ways, they should more be posts in the "Mind, Body Spirit" forum, because your mind is the totality of what your BRAIN is up to, in terms of cells and receptors and hormones. And so your emotions are really no better than how that engine is running, and the fuel that is low or not flowing properly, or is "leaking." And the truth is that chronic pain, because it's so stressful, IS a "leak".

 

Your husband is a "leak."

 

And these two alone are such giant leaks, that your brain is drained. The feeling you have of numbness is the result of the drain that is happening "under the hood", to continue car analogies.

 

And now, this medication you're on, which seems clearly to have precipitated these out-of-control and numbed out feeling, is further draining you because it's working against all your emotions, not just the depressed ones. It's almost like an emotional aneasthetic.

 

So this is what you need to do RIGHT NOW, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRESENT: look at the numbness and say, "This is like someone gave me a nerve block/local aneasthetic for my brain. I just have to get past this bad thing which isn't me, right now." Same as if they gave you an epidural, you wouldn't be able to feel your legs, right? That doesn't mean sensation won't come back, or that you don't have legs, it's just that in the present moment, many things are shutting down what is there to be felt, and which you will come to feel again soon! Keep reminding yourself of that like a mantra when you feel frighteningly detached and cold and numb. I believe you are experiencing what they call "depersonalization".

 

Have a look at this link, and also see the association with drugs!

 

link removed

 

And CC is right that depression is a disease for many people -- some people naturally don't manufacture enough neurochemicals to make them feel they can cope with life or enjoy it -- and/or, on top of it, circumstances in their lives shape the structures in their brains so that these depressive pathways are even deeper grooves. Neuroscience now knows that our experiences literally MAKE SHAPES in our brains, they make pathways that can be seen! And so trauma, especially if you've had family trauma the way you have, plus your ongoing trauma with your husband, plus the pain factor put such a tax on your brain to adapt, that more pain, anxiety, and of course depression become a learned pattern. But I see that in your case not so much as a disease you were born with, but a condition that has arisen out of a cumulative stress situation of many things just stacking on top of eachother. And so, why I said it's not a disease in your case is because it's not something that is inherently WRONG with you. And I don't even see your needing to treat it the rest of your life! It's a bunch of lousy circumstances, awful things that have happened, and your brain is simply stumbling and faltering under the great strain of it all. It would happen to anyone with a normal brain to start with, to undergo that much stress (even raising your son is more stress, even though of course he is the light of your life -- any normal, sane woman has her hands full with a toddler, as a new mother!)

 

You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation -- which means temporarily, your brain is not in a normal (by that I mean healthy) framework.

 

It's just drained, Angel -- but this is HIGHLY FIXABLE! The brain learns things and shapes, but it can also change those shapes and patterns, it is highly plastic. This is a branch of neuroscience called neuroplasticity. It's amazing, fascinating, inspiring. And what changes these shapes and pathways?

 

NEW EXPERIENCES!

 

Back to the drainage issue...I know this SO well, myself, knowing my own fluctuations, that as much as this accumulated drainage makes you see the world in this dark and pointless way, it's like wearing dark shades and thinking this is how the colors of the world really are, when in fact you simply have to take those shades off and see that there is a bigger truth out there -- it's not the one you are temporarily seeing through the smudged and smeared dark glasses, even though that is the truth through those glasses. They are the lie.

 

Life is not a lie -- or rather, there is more to life than lies. The limited things we have come to think are possible make us feel limited to them, especially when you've been going through it as long as you have. It seems like there is no end in sight...

 

But listen to me, when you change even ONE THING in your life, everything else changes, too. That is a GRAND LAW. The nature of Life is change, there is nothing that is static in this world.

 

And so your first order of business is to remove the most immediate thing that has changed this for the worse, and start to remove each layer of things contributing in the urgent present. That's your medication, for starters.

 

Then we'll work on the rest from there....

 

One thing I truly believe Angel is that you are meant to be happy in this life -- with or without pain. I know it's there for you to have, but it will take a huge leap of faith, backed by a practical approach that is your plan. You may not feel it's going to amount to greater happiness, health and vitality, but just know that that's the depression and self-defeat that has been created in your mind speaking, it's not the voice of the Future. I think you are a woman who has an innate love of life and a brain that is bent on happiness -- I see that in all your posts, and your amazingly strong spirit and your post in the Suicide Stories thread. You were not meant to be unhappy in this world because your brain really does crave hope and renewal and you are a natural optimist. I see myself in you -- you're someone who was put together to LOVE LIFE, but a lot of bad things have just obscured that.

 

It's about removing those obstacles, and yes, your body may always present a challenge to that, but the way you see that challenge will change as well, once other permanent, positive changes are made to your path towards happiness.

[tiredofvampires]

(Sorry, I know I'm stacking post on top of post! *sigh* TOverkillV!!)

 

I poured my heart out to my general doctor and he did nothing and then when I called yesterday to tell him how I was feeling he basically said he didn't want to deal with it!

 

Most doctors, especially GPs are total DOUCHBAGS. That so awful that he just dismissed you like that!! He's the type of doc that is too busy to really care about his patients, and that's why your plan is gonna work for you better than this -- because you will be in a place that has more doctors, more pickins' of who to see, and also pain specialists and psychiatrists that can work together! You live out in the boondocks, so this is making your pool of choices a lot smaller and even more infuriating.

 

Believe me, with fibromyalgia, which wasn't a recognized disorder until more recently, I went through every medical indignity, insult, patronizing comment, haughty attitude, disparaging and power-mongering attitude there can be. DOCTORS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO TEND TO YOUR ILLNESS, IN ALL WAYS, AND INSTEAD MANY ARE JUST CALLOUSED BRUTES. Know that this is what you're up against as something that has nothing to do with you! It's a systemic problem in the medical profession, and it literally took me years to get a handful that I can count on, that are my allies, that take me seriously and most of all respect me. When I was your age, I was maltreated just the ways you are -- docs don't know what to do with complex situations, and they are not enlightened human beings just because they can write their signature on a pad of paper and throw any sort of trial pill at you to see what happens. It's easy for them. The hard part is yours.

 

And so don't let them and their attitudes make you want to give up -- there are better doctors, better clinics, better medical advisement than what you are getting, you just have to hang in there until you can access it!

 

Don't look to doctors for too much support except to tell them how you are reacting to your meds. And be VOCAL! Say to the receptionist or the doctor (psychiatrist) if at all possible, "I know you have a long waitlist, but this is a medical emergency. I am in control enough not to take my life, but the medication I'm on is having a severe adverse reaction I believe, so you need to advise me how to get off of this safely -- and this would be medically inadvisable for you to ignore."

 

Let a doc hear that and see if that doesn't light a bit of a fire under his pantaloons.

 

They are liable if they just ignore such a urgent call to duty. That's their JOB, to attend to emergencies with medication!

 

I just want to vent for a minute.

 

I hate my life. I hate that I am losing everything. I hate that I have to leave. I hate that the person I loved turned into a monster. I hate that after I had my son I became disabled with this disease.

I HATE MY PAIN. It's everyday. When I asked the pain doctor for something just a little stronger to take it away I was told no.

I want my life back and guess what??? I can never have it back. EVER.

 

I just want to say that I am mourning the loss of so many things, Angel, including the family I always wanted. I am a born mommy, I have wanted to be a mommy all my life. I wanted the sweet and adoring husband who came home to say he loved me, and to give me a surprise, and to have a nice home, and to run and play outside with my children.

 

Instead, I live alone, in low income housing surrounded by people who are aged and frail. I don't have a man in my life, though I thought I had a chance with the last guy a couple of years ago who thought I was the best thing to come into his life after sliced bread. Well, I guess he had to find a way to tear down what we had, and the way I felt about myself as a woman, for him.....so I'm back here, without the chance to conceive a child or have a home together, to wake up next to someone, the history other women have at my age with a partner. I feel I'm still a little girl dreaming of her Prince Charming, even though you might look at my life and think that's a big joke. I may not have kids, and I'm grieving that deeply now. I lost my intended career and further schooling to simply fighting the doctors, the system, the financial burdens, the lack of knowledge about my disorder....where other people have accomplished status and a name for themselves in their field, and a family, and a home they've bought...I have this: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.

 

So I can't ever, ever get back what I lost and yes, it is causing me deep depression now.

 

But something outside myself tells me that it's not over 'til it's over. And I can't just leave after all that fighting can I? I can't make it all in vain.

 

You have a child, and that is a precious achievement already. You are a mother, which I think is one of the most beautiful jobs in the world. And though it's not the family you dreamed of, you can still put a good man into this world and show him a role model that he will pass on to HIS children. He will always tell people how his mother, who raised him as a single mom, ran away from an abusive husband and how you are his hero for life. That, you will give him in his morals and ethics, an idea of what lessons there are in life about how to persevere and not give up under fire. That is the kind of mom that shines, and that is something to take great pride in being.

 

And there is out there a man who will see your strength, and your fiesty fun nature, and incredible brains and smarts, and your love for your son and HE WILL NOT TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED LIKE THIS PIECE OF CRUD HUSBAND!

 

There is someone and something better for us, Angel, even if it's not what we planned.

[tiredofvampires]

ToV is a very strong women.

 

Me not so much. Being with my stupid husband should prove that.

 

Pish posh on that, dear Angel!!! Do you need to make me come over there and whack you upside the head for saying that?

 

That's such total bull -- you are every bit as strong as me, and I've gone through a few louts who I didn't leave soon enough....we all have our battles to fight, and yours is one of the hardest I know, but yet you're still sane, with a good head on your shoulders, a gigantic heart and a beautiful soul, so I see nothing but brilliant strength in you! I admire it so!!

 

Angel...did you see TOV's quote? She has YOU mentioned in her quote. She thinks that YOU are one of the strongest women she knows....did you know that?

 

Yeay, Allie, thanks for saying what I wasn't online to say -- you got that right!!

[Seraphim]

Angel I had to reply. Honey you are a giving and WONDERFUL person. Your son needs you SO much. I KNOW you can get over this. I have you in my prayers.

[Angel_baby]

I just woke up and I still feel the same.

 

I haven't self injured in years and last night I did and I'm fighting it again.

This is not me, I want to stop this feeling

[Angel_baby]

That is exactly how I feel! It's horrible. I just keep walking around the house with no feeling whatsoever. Like I could really be a zombie from a horror movie or something.

 

 

 

I know this has a lot to do with my anxiety because I hate that I have to change my life because of my jerk husband

[Angel_baby]

So this is what you need to do RIGHT NOW, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRESENT: look at the numbness and say, "This is like someone gave me a nerve block/local aneasthetic for my brain. I just have to get past this bad thing which isn't me, right now." Same as if they gave you an epidural, you wouldn't be able to feel your legs, right? That doesn't mean sensation won't come back, or that you don't have legs, it's just that in the present moment, many things are shutting down what is there to be felt, and which you will come to feel again soon! Keep reminding yourself of that like a mantra when you feel frighteningly detached and cold and numb. I believe you are experiencing what they call "depersonalization".

 

I'm trying so hard to tell myself it isn't me when it feels so much like me at the same time.

 

 

And CC is right that depression is a disease for many people -- some people naturally don't manufacture enough neurochemicals to make them feel they can cope with life or enjoy it -- and/or, on top of it, circumstances in their lives shape the structures in their brains so that these depressive pathways are even deeper grooves. Neuroscience now knows that our experiences literally MAKE SHAPES in our brains, they make pathways that can be seen! And so trauma, especially if you've had family trauma the way you have, plus your ongoing trauma with your husband, plus the pain factor put such a tax on your brain to adapt, that more pain, anxiety, and of course depression become a learned pattern. But I see that in your case not so much as a disease you were born with, but a condition that has arisen out of a cumulative stress situation of many things just stacking on top of eachother. And so, why I said it's not a disease in your case is because it's not something that is inherently WRONG with you. And I don't even see your needing to treat it the rest of your life! It's a bunch of lousy circumstances, awful things that have happened, and your brain is simply stumbling and faltering under the great strain of it all. It would happen to anyone with a normal brain to start with, to undergo that much stress (even raising your son is more stress, even though of course he is the light of your life -- any normal, sane woman has her hands full with a toddler, as a new mother!)

 

Yes being a mother is so hard at times. And even harder when you feel like a bad one. I can't do the normal motherly things for my son. Sometimes I have to put him in his room so mommy can lay down for a few minutes to relax her aching body. I feel so wrong for putting him in his room, even for just those few minutes.

I have dealt with depression before my husband, after having my son (postpartum depression) and now. Before this drug I could deal with my "down times" now it is taking everything in me not to do something.

 

 

It's just drained, Angel -- but this is HIGHLY FIXABLE! The brain learns things and shapes, but it can also change those shapes and patterns, it is highly plastic. This is a branch of neuroscience called neuroplasticity. It's amazing, fascinating, inspiring. And what changes these shapes and pathways?

 

NEW EXPERIENCES!

 

Yes so drained, so tired... And I'm so scared to make that step towards change.

 

 

And so your first order of business is to remove the most immediate thing that has changed this for the worse, and start to remove each layer of things contributing in the urgent present. That's your medication, for starters.

 

I have been trying to call the doctor, left messages, nothing

[tiredofvampires]

That is exactly how I feel! It's horrible. I just keep walking around the house with no feeling whatsoever. Like I could really be a zombie from a horror movie or something.

 

That is definitely the meds, and so instead of self-injuring, keep that pilot light of your rational mind going, telling yourself that you are "under the influence" and just need to get off that wicked substance.

 

Don't hurt yourself in the meantime!!! You're going to pull out of this! Just hang on in the meantime -- one step at a time. Get out of crisis, then make a plan on how the plan is going to unfold.

 

I know this has a lot to do with my anxiety because I hate that I have to change my life because of my jerk husband

 

I know, but how does this sound?

 

You and your sister leave together and execute your plan to live together where there are more resources, and far from your jerk husband. And slowly, you find medications that work better, and perhaps investigate other forms of treatment for your pain (I've got tons of background in this for when the time comes), and after the stress of leaving -- which really is a climax for you now -- subsides and you are just dealing with the establishing basic funds through social services, your stress levels start to drop, as you stop expecting the next disaster with him...

 

And fastforward a couple of years...your son's in school now, so you have more time to rest during the day. And with a combination of rest and less stress and having access to more things, maybe you can start to see if there are a few computer-related projects you can do for people for a bit of side change that you do "under the table." You have some great skills that can be put to use, with you working on your own time from your home, as your condition permits (this is what I've been doing.) And then...fast forward a few years, you've done enough of this that MAYBE you can get loans and go to get some extra training, and then maybe even have a home business. By this time you have enough symptoms under control, have been seeing a counsellor who understands managing a chronic illness, and have learned how to divide up your time so that you can still take breaks but do something that makes money and you feel you've regained a semblance of pride in something you do well (besides being a mother, which you already do well!) and your pain/illness doesn't dictate to you the whole definition of your life.

 

And you start to get out more, and you meet some really nice guy who is understanding, and he loves kids, and so you end up with a good guy instead of a JERK HUSBAND, so you can still have the family of your dreams. Because even though you won't have this husband and life you'd planned, you'll have a BETTER PLAN than this. A better life, a better family, better feelings about yourself. Because you are so young Angel, this is entirely a plausible scheme, it's not just a fantasy.

 

That could all happen.

 

But it all starts with that ONE STEP that one day you will see as the pivotal at a dark time in your life. One day this will be a memory we will be laughing over in some city between there and here (or in either!) and saying, "remember how AWFUL that was? Thank God that's behind me!" And we will toast this!

[tiredofvampires]

I have been trying to call the doctor, left messages, nothing

 

Which doctor? The psychiatrist? Or the GP? How many hours/days have you been trying to contact him?

 

You have to get off this stuff, and I don't just want to give you advice about how to get off of it without your having a medical professional directive, but at this point you need to look at your other options then.

 

How about calling your pharmacist and asking what will happen if you just stop this? Say that you are having trouble with side effects and haven't been able to contact your doctor, and need to stop it asap, but want to make sure that if you stop it cold turkey or taper it, that that's okay. Ask if this medication is safe to just stop at once.

 

We also have 24-hour medical hotlines here, and while they don't want to be liable for giving advice over the phone, they might direct you to a psychiatrist on call. Maybe the pharmacist could give you this information, such a number, if he can't tell you about the medication directly.

 

Then what about the hospital? Can you go to ER and say that you need to simply get off of it and just need a doctor's directions about how? You don't have to say you feel you are about to suicide, but say that it's giving you such thoughts that are not usual for you, and you know it's the medication.

 

You need SOMEONE to step in.

[Jeen]

Hi Angel

 

I sometimes wish the world was as small as the internet makes it. Or we were able to travel through optic fibre's and telephone lines to help one another when we are in need of help.

 

If you can, PM me your medication you are using and I will try and ask on a different site I belong to if they can help me.

 

Angel hang in there.

 

(((Big Hugs)))

 

Love

Jeen

[KG]

Angel,

Please, please, see a ray of hope at the end of this long tunnel...hold onto us here, we will get you through this.

As far as putting your son in his room, I haven't a lot of the probs you do, and I ask for a "tiime out " too. You are not that unusual...a single mother dealing with hardship. DO NOT beat yourself over it...you are doing what you have to in order to be a good Mom!

Who could fault you that?

))HUGS(((

KG

[Angel_baby]

Which doctor? The psychiatrist? Or the GP? How many hours/days have you been trying to contact him?

 

You have to get off this stuff, and I don't just want to give you advice about how to get off of it without your having a medical professional directive, but at this point you need to look at your other options then.

 

How about calling your pharmacist and asking what will happen if you just stop this? Say that you are having trouble with side effects and haven't been able to contact your doctor, and need to stop it asap, but want to make sure that if you stop it cold turkey or taper it, that that's okay. Ask if this medication is safe to just stop at once.

 

I called the pharmacist right before you posted this TOV. He recommended getting off of it but I forgot to ask if I should taper or not. My $ situation says cold turkey as I don't have anymore left (husband spends it all on getting fat off fast food).

 

 

If you can, PM me your medication you are using and I will try and ask on a different site I belong to if they can help me.

 

Angel hang in there.

 

(((Big Hugs)))

 

Love

Jeen

 

Abilify, I don't know why the doctor put me on it. I did tell him I was scared of myself... from the anxiety.

 

Angel,

Please, please, see a ray of hope at the end of this long tunnel...hold onto us here, we will get you through this.

As far as putting your son in his room, I haven't a lot of the probs you do, and I ask for a "tiime out " too. You are not that unusual...a single mother dealing with hardship. DO NOT beat yourself over it...you are doing what you have to in order to be a good Mom!

Who could fault you that?

))HUGS(((

KG

 

I fault myself because I wish I could do better. OCD and perfectionism sucks

 

I am not looking forward to tonight