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Just started dating: Do I contact him while he is on vacation?


nicolediver

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I started dating someone a few weeks ago and I guess you can say that in some ways it's moved pretty fast. We've seen or talked (mostly seen) to each other everyday since we've met and have just been having a great time getting to know one another. We admit that we really like each other and have the best time. We don't really talk about deeper things in regards to what's happening between us, and have certainly not put the relationship on a pedestal or talked about being exclusive. He's very affectionate and always happy and wanting to see me. We both seem really content but I don't really know how he views "us" or if he sees this building into a long-term thing. And that's okay with me because I don't know either, I just would like to see what happens in a more natural way, and I do feel secure that we will continue to spend time together.

 

He left for a 1-week business trip/vacation yesterday and I am wondering if while he is gone I should give him space and wait to contact him when he gets back. He spent his last night here with me, and texted me from the airport as well to say goodbye. I know that he's going to be busy with work while gone and also catching up with his friends. He also is staying with an old fling while there (this trip was planned before he knew me and we are not exclusive at all – I just met him!) Things were also a bit stressful here before he left (not with us) so I don't know if he just wants time away from his life here. On one hand, I want to say hi and ask how he's doing because we've spoken everyday since I've known him, but I don't want him to feel crowded either. Part of me thinks to wait and see what he does, but what if he doesn't want to or is thinking the same thing as I? I just don't really know the best way to handle things when someone goes away on vacation.

 

What would you do?

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Personally since it is still early on in the relationship I would just let him have this week to himself. It might show him that you trust and can respect time apart. If anything, maybe a quick text message telling him that you hope he's having a good time and can't wait till he is back...but I would be hesitant to send a text message asking a question such as "how are you?" or "do you miss me?" because if you just tell him you hope he's having a good time then that doesn't sound too needy and it doesn't force him to stop everything to respond.

 

I go on business trips quite often and can say that they are usually a whirlwind and most of the times a lot of things are crammed into the short time I am there. Unfortunately in the past, it has caused some problems in my relationships because I do forget to communicate with my SO when on trips because there is so much stuff going on...despite the fact that yes there are times when I could make a quick call...just gets put on the back burner unfortunately.

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I wouldn't contact him. You don't know him that well yet, so you shouldn't risk it. He could think you're just feeling insecure about him being away from you & not contacting you. He's the one that's away. If he wanted to be contacted, he would've said something before he left like, "My phone will be working, so you can call me if you want." If he hasn't said anything like that, then I wouldn't make the first move.

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Wait for him to contact you. He's the one out of town. When he gets back he'll call you.

 

yes, i agree. i actually posted a similar thread to this one a while back. everyone said to wait it out. he actually called ME halfway through his trip to set up a date. definitely, give him space, let him miss you!

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yes, i agree. i actually posted a similar thread to this one a while back. everyone said to wait it out. he actually called ME halfway through his trip to set up a date. definitely, give him space, let him miss you!

 

So hard to do when you miss them.

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i know, but it feels so much better when they are calling you from their busy and fun vacation to say, 'hey babe - just want to make sure i have plans with you this weekend!' better than to call him and he doesn't pick up the phone and then you are wondering why he's not answering, and who he's with, and if he's drunk at the bar, etc......

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Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I think I'll do my best to give him space since it is only a week, but if I get the urge I'll make sure it's a short text just to let him know that I hope he's having a nice time. I think you are all right in saying to ask him if he misses me, etc is leading and makes me seem needy and insecure.

 

I guess I just want to hear from him because I am thinking of him, and would like to know he might feel the same. But maybe it's a case of "out of sight, out of mind?" I don't know. I_win thanks for letting me know that just because you're away doesn't mean you've forgotten, it just means you are busy. I think it feels much more busy, hectic, and fun for the person away vs. the person who is at home.

 

I'm sure that because the relationship is so new is the reason I feel a little unsure. I'd hate to think he'll come back in a week not liking me anymore. Damn insecurities!

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I agree to leave him be and don't confuse "texting" as "not really contacting" - it's contacting. Also realize that although he's talked to you "every day" since you've known him, it's such a short time it's not a pattern or routine yet. Calling is something you do when you're more steady and exclusive. also since he is away and out of his routine, if he doesn't respond in an appropriate amount of time you will feel even worse and not know why (because you have no idea how he is when he is away on business or vacation - you barely know him.

 

If you let him miss you, that will be the best result.

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Thanks for all the advice everyone. He actually ended up texting me last night and this morning, and then it kind of dropped off with him not responding to one of my questions (nothing out-of-the-ordinary, it was in context to our conversation). I didn't get upset or text him again to bother him, and just kept in mind what you all said - that he's away and busy. If he contacts again, awesome but if not, I'm letting him be.

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Going Too Fast In a Relationship? B...
Going Too Fast In a Relationship? Break!

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