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I'm trying to be friendly, but am I being annoying?


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I've invited a friend of mine out a few times, but each time I was turned down. Well, not quite.

 

1. "I'm going to X, wanna come?"

A: Nah, I'm tired. Rain check?

 

2. "Me and My friends are going to X. Wanna come?"

"Sure."

 

A few hours later. I get a phone call.

"I'm not feeling well. Let's do something next week."

 

3. Two weeks later.

"Me and My friends are going to X. Wanna come?"

"I have an exam. Next month will be better."

 

Does it sound like I'm just being a bother? Should I be taking a hint and stop bothering this person?

 

It's stupid, but I have very little confidence when it comes to relationship with other people, and I'm always afraid that I'm being hated or something.

 

My experience in dealing with people is very little. Any advice would be nice

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ya, i'm like you. if i'm doing something and someone around me is near by enough. i feel rude if i don't ask them to come along... especially when one of my roomate tends to hang out with me a lot. i just ask others to join because i don't want them to feel left out or something.

 

i don't think it's being annoying. but after so many NO's. you can stop bothering. =)

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It could be legit. I have a healthy amount of school work and sometimes things just come at me in waves. Occasionally, no is my only option. The timing isn't good... What can I say?

 

Still, they should reach out at some point or they aren't worth the bother...

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I would say your friend is being annoying. If it's that hard to get this person to hang out then just stop calling them.

 

I would stop asking.

 

but after so many NO's. you can stop bothering. =)

 

I mean, I myself don't really mind asking and getting turned down. I mean, it's not like I went out of my way to create an event for just the two of us or anything like that.

 

But I am seriously(?) concerned about me being a pest, and I don't want to be distant either.

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well if they keep on turning you down, there's no reason to ask. there might be a reason they keep on turingn you down (not wnating to hang out...)

 

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. If I did this to someone that I actually wanted to hang out with but couldn't for legitimate reasons, I would expect them to stop asking me and I would step up and make the effort in the future. This has happened to me before when I've had really busy periods and I had to turn down spending time with friends. The next few times I was free, I'd ask them to hang out or to join my other friends and I going somewhere.

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well if they keep on turning you down, there's no reason to ask. there might be a reason they keep on turingn you down (not wnating to hang out...)

 

If I did this to someone that I actually wanted to hang out with but couldn't for legitimate reasons, I would expect them to stop asking me and I would step up and make the effort in the future.

 

I guess if I never hear from this person, then that'll be that. Oh well.

 

Thanks for your advices!

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You could just ask them yourself if they think you're being annoying. I am a really busy person, so I have to turn people down a lot, but I feel bad if they just don't ask. It's certainly nothing personal, so I wouldn't want someone to take it that way.

 

You could say something like, "I don't want to be annoying and keep asking you to hang out, but it would be fun to go do X together sometime. Are you still interested in hanging out?"

 

This might open up the lines of communication a little. They may truly have a lot going on and be glad you asked, or it gives them a chance to let you know they're not down for hanging out.

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You could say something like, "I don't want to be annoying and keep asking you to hang out, but it would be fun to go do X together sometime. Are you still interested in hanging out?"

 

This might open up the lines of communication a little. They may truly have a lot going on and be glad you asked, or it gives them a chance to let you know they're not down for hanging out.

 

I guess that could work... and it would work pretty well I guess if the other person actually want to hang out, as in your case.

 

But if someone said that to me, there is no way I could honestly say, "Yes, you are being annoying, please leave me be." Even if I found the person annoying, I'd say something like, "It's just I'm too busy..."

 

If anything, I'd feel guilty, and may even force myself to spend time with this person.

 

But afterwards I'll probably start actively avoiding this person.

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Ha, I know what you are going through. Truth be told, there are many factors to talk about, such as, are you a girl or guy, are you asking out the same sex or the opposite sex, to name a few, because this does play a part.

 

But not to bore you, but , as far as I'm concerned, people either make time for you or they don't. It does not matter if people are busy or not they will make the time for something they really want. Case closed. Furthermore, if they really find you interesting they will want to be in your company so they they will make an effort to seek you out too. If they can't spend time with you they will set up a date right then and there instead of just blowing you off by saying, "maybe later" or some weak response. Americans are VERY indirect, they never tell you to your face what they really feel.

 

Me personally, I don't go around trying to make friends; it overrated. I feel if a person can't function alone for a good while they have a serious problem unless they are true extroverts. Irrespective if you are an extrovert or not, I feel most of our lives we function alone and you need to be able to handle that. Trust me, it sucks, the world is cold and everyday people are out to fill there own desires and they only look at humans as obstacles in there way; unless of course you can help them get what they want. It's just how they have been programed over time.

 

In the past months or so I have dropped two potential friends (one guy, one girl) because I found myself to be the only one calling and e-mailing. I mean, I could not even get a reply to a simple e-mail so I said to myself; "you know what, I'm out of here, I don't know whats the deal on there end but everybody has time to shoot an E-mail for crying out loud." Am I disappointed? Yes, but you got to sometimes put yourself in there shoes and figure that for whatever reason they just don't want your company. Case closed.

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