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Irate of Insecure Boyfriend


miracle29
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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My new boyfriend seems to have some SERIOUS insecurity issues. I already posted about him being clingy and wanting too much time when i'm with my daughter and trying to be a Mother to HER NOT HIM!!!!, but now he's gone just overboard and I'm beyond the point of NoT HaPpY~

 

My ex (which whom i've not kissed nor done anything else for over a year. Finally after forever and a day I get the truck he and I had together when we were together. He took this away from me when we separated out of spite and i'm sure also out of necesity.

 

Last night he had my daughter and it was my day to have her. He told me that I could have that car because he has a new one. I was overjoyed because Id been depending on everyone else for transportation and finally I have a new car. Overjoyed and lifted I rush to tell him and he has this sour face. He does not smile, he is angry almost.

 

Then I tell him please drop me off at the daycare where the ex and my Daughter will be so I can ride with him to help him clean out the old truck and get it for tonight.

 

Reluctantly he does and speeds off when I get out the car. ( * * * )

The ex and I got into his new car and drove to the old car, where all we did was clean it out and I took my little girl and I home.

THATS ALL I DID!!!!!!!!!

 

Two hours later I get a text message from the new boyfriend saying "Oh its like that".

I call him back immediately (not knowing what the hell he's talking about) and right away he's like "why didn't you call me back," I said "I forgot, because I was with my little girl and cleaning and cooking and...." "You forgot?" . I said yes I didn't know I told you I was going to call you, I was busy with the car thing and didn't know I was supposed to ..." he interrupts me and goes on and on about how its not ok for me to hop in the car with my ex and how he can't handle it and how he can't deal with this and he wont take this and that.

 

 

I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick of this insecurity.

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How often do you & your ex see one another? I mean, your bf should be understanding (only because you & your ex have a child together). It's obvious that you're going to keep contact for the sake of your daughter, but maybe the amount of time you spend with him makes your bf uncomfortable?

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I see the ex once or twice a MONTH!!! He and I are so not affectionate towards another..we don't do anything but chew the fat and talk about our child. PERIOD! I'm sorry but i'm so sick of being accused of things when i'm not doing anything. I've neevr done anything behind his back.

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if you spend a lot of time with your ex, I can see why he would be upset. if not, he needs to get over it. if he doesn't, i personally wouldn't stay with him

I'm seriously debating if this is the right relationship for me. I'm not going to be told what to do where to place my eyes and how to treat my daughters father and who's car i can or can not be in. I dont cheat so whats his problem?

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i completely agree with you, this guy needs to buck his ideas up.

 

your already a mother to a child, don't see why you have to mother this new guy.

 

he knows your situation and circumstances, he if cant understand that and wants to be in the spotlight all the time..

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Well, try and see it from his point of view for a moment. It is not unusual for new SOs to be insecure about ex's - we see it all the time on here and sometimes that has a good basis in fact. There is post after post about people dumped because their partner went back to an ex and that is particularly true when there is a child involved.

 

So he is insecure.

 

And then, when you are with your ex, having enthused to the new bf about your ex's new car, you forget to call him when you said you would.

 

Is he over-reacting? Probably. But I do think he has some cause to react to some degree. Would you not be mad at him if he didn't call you when he sad he would?

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You're completely right. He has no right to give you problems & cause extra stress, when it's obvious that you have to keep contact with this man, considering he's the father of your daughter. If you only see him a couple of times a month, there's NO reason why he should be acting this way.

 

One question though: Has your bf ever met your ex? If not, then maybe the problem isn't that he doesn't trust you, but rather he doesn't know what your ex is like, thereforee doesn't trust him around you.

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Well, try and see it from his point of view for a moment. It is not unusual for new SOs to be insecure about ex's - we see it all the time on here and sometimes that has a good basis in fact. There is post after post about people dumped because their partner went back to an ex and that is particularly true when there is a child involved.

 

So he is insecure.

 

And then, when you are with your ex, having enthused to the new bf about your ex's new car, you forget to call him when you said you would.

 

Is he over-reacting? Probably. But I do think he has some cause to react to some degree. Would you not be mad at him if he didn't call you when he sad he would?

 

Ok DN you have a point, I was innocent in my dealings but negligent to the new boyfriend due to my over excitment with finally having my new car/truck. I can understand him being upset. I thought about this later too. However....(drum rolls)

 

Can you tell me why he felt the need to threaten a guy at barnes and Nobels just for looking at me? This is just another form of needless stress in what could be the ideal relationship. He's killing it and soon I may just opt to get out of it. Just to avoid stress I don't need right now. I am happy when things are peaceful.

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You're completely right. He has no right to give you problems & cause extra stress, when it's obvious that you have to keep contact with this man, considering he's the father of your daughter. If you only see him a couple of times a month, there's NO reason why he should be acting this way.

 

One question though: Has your bf ever met your ex? If not, then maybe the problem isn't that he doesn't trust you, but rather he doesn't know what your ex is like, thereforee doesn't trust him around you.

No and I never told him this but I'm AFRAID to introduce them. Last time my ex found out who i was dating the guy was beating me and cheating on me. At this rate who knows if this relationship will even last...the last thing i need is the ex pointing fingers at once again one of my non successful picks!

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No and I never told him this but I'm AFRAID to introduce them. Last time my ex found out who i was dating the guy was beating me and cheating on me. At this rate who knows if this relationship will even last...the last thing i need is the ex pointing fingers at once again one of my non successful picks!

 

Why does your ex's opinion matter? Wouldn't you rather make your bf more comfortable with the situation?

 

Honestly, I'm a confident woman, but if my bf was keeping in touch with his ex, I'd at least want to meet this woman once--just for peace of mind. I'm sure your bf doesn't think anything is going on between you two. It's just simple, ordinary jealousy. Your bf is probably thinking "Who is this guy?" "Is he hotter than me?" "I wonder if they're flirty around each other"

 

Just from that one situation you described, I can tell he knows that he has no right to complain about you two keeping in touch, because he didn't really say anything to you about the situation. He just kept it in & drove off pissed off(which is understandable). The moment he let his anger show was when you didn't return his call. Honestly, I totally understand where you're coming from, but I would be a little hurt, too.

 

I don't think you should really be mad at him. You should try talking to him at a normal time (not right after you've argued about it). Just tell him that there is nothing he should worry about, & that he's the father of your child, so you're never going to cut off all contact with him. If he thinks he can't deal with this or he's going to give you a hard time over it everytime, then he should probably walk out.

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Can you tell me why he felt the need to threaten a guy at barnes and Nobels just for looking at me? This is just another form of needless stress in what could be the ideal relationship. He's killing it and soon I may just opt to get out of it. Just to avoid stress I don't need right now. I am happy when things are peaceful.

 

Just a stranger? That is not cool at all.

 

 

Why does your ex's opinion matter?

 

Psychgirlie - If I found out the person taking care of my child was in an abusive relationship, my child would be out of there so fast... it would not look good in a court.

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Just a stranger? That is not cool at all.

 

 

 

 

Psychgirlie - If I found out the person taking care of my child was in an abusive relationship, my child would be out of there so fast... it would not look good in a court.

YES YES AND YES you see it ! See I'm so afraid he will try to take my kid from me that i"m very weary of who I'm claiming as my new boyfriend. Now while my daughter is NEVER with any man I don't know very well by herself EVER (because i"m paranoid and for good reason) still the Ex husband has valid concerns after the last dud I picked. THis guy would never hurt a child thought (the new boyfriend) but the ex will defend and protect her with his life, just like I would.

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Just a stranger? That is not cool at all.

 

 

 

 

Psychgirlie - If I found out the person taking care of my child was in an abusive relationship, my child would be out of there so fast... it would not look good in a court.

 

I understand what you're saying. IF the ex knew she was in an abusive relationship, then he'd have a right to react. However, her current bf is not abusing her (from what I know), & she's a very level-headed mature woman (I can tell from her threads) who's capable of making wise decisions. She shouldn't really worry so much about what her ex thinks is what I meant.

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well miracle29, time for the golden question that you knew was coming

 

Does this new guy make you happy?.

 

 

YES aside from this mess and the clingy stuff. He makes me very happy. Not to mention he's just perfect for me in the bedroom area. If he know how much the EX and i were not compatible in that area he'd know i'd never go back to that AGAIN! I wont cheat period, but if I was weak or stupid enough to do it, i would not be with the EX.

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Can you tell me why he felt the need to threaten a guy at barnes and Nobels just for looking at me? This is just another form of needless stress in what could be the ideal relationship. He's killing it and soon I may just opt to get out of it. Just to avoid stress I don't need right now. I am happy when things are peaceful.
Well, it is from his own insecurities. Has he been cheated on in the past - (you may have mentioned that but I haven't read back).

 

I think you should try talking to him but without anger or being aggressive in any way. Just say "Look, I am not someone who cheats on her boyfriend - with my ex or with anyone new I see in a store. And it hurts my feelings to think that you don't trust me. I am sorry I didn't call but that wasn't because I was excited about being with my ex - I was excited about having a set of wheels again."

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Well, it is from his own insecurities. Has he been cheated on in the past - (you may have mentioned that but I haven't read back).

 

I think you should try talking to him but without anger or being aggressive in any way. Just say "Look, I am not someone who cheats on her boyfriend - with my ex or with anyone new I see in a store. And it hurts my feelings to think that you don't trust me. I am sorry I didn't call but that wasn't because I was excited about being with my ex - I was excited about having a set of wheels again."

 

 

Oh that was put very nicely. You have a way with words DN..very good. I will put my own spin on it cause thats me, but I like this very much. Thank you.

 

P.s. Yes you are right about his past. He has been cheated on by EVERY woman he's ever dated. Finally he has one who wont cheat and he can't grasp it.

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YES aside from this mess and the clingy stuff. He makes me very happy. Not to mention he's just perfect for me in the bedroom area. If he know how much the EX and i were not compatible in that area he'd know i'd never go back to that AGAIN! I wont cheat period, but if I was weak or stupid enough to do it, i would not be with the EX.

 

tell him? if its an option.

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