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I need your help once again ENA


Alexander DeLarge

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Lot of bottled up things bothering me in my girlfriend and my relationship. I am really bad at talking about things and am too afraid of upsetting her. Is three months of being quiet about things that bothered me too long? Have I screwed things up beyond repair? How can I get things back on track? I don't want to keep saying "we'll see how things go when we see eachother next time" I want to be confident and say "they'll go great, why wouldn't they?". Also, I feel the same as Kuiks said she feels in her post. I don't feel as though I am worthy of being loved although my girlfriend tells me she loves me. My insecurities are getting to her, I can tell.

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Hey Alexander...I think bottling things up is not going to get you very far. Communication is key to working through things and having a solid foundation. I just get off the phone with my SO and I laid it out for him how i am feeling. I emailed him my post on my thread and told him my fears and doubts and you know what...he was great...

When he and i have a problem we discuss right away, this ensures that we can fully enjoy our time together and that we won't have reoccurring problems...

our SO's can't read our mind so if something is bothering you you need to tell her so she can help...

My ex husband was a bottler...to the point where near the end he was telling me stuff he resented from before we were married...he even told me he didn't want to propose when he did...can't help but wonder how things would have been different if he had of expressed his fears/doubts etc...

The thing about bottling is that your SO knows when you are upset...so bottling is almost worse b/c now she has to imagine what you are thinking and we as humans tend to imagine the worst.

 

Take some time and write out what is bothering you about your relationship...free associate write it all out...see if there are any patterns, things you can combine, problems that are b/c of earlier problems you had not mentioned..than pick the top ones that you think are currently effecting your relationship and choose to talk to her about those.

 

with the not feeling worthy thing i wish i had more to help you..my way of coping with the self doubt/negative self talk that is creeping back in is to quelch it and replace it with positive things...i have a lot going for me..and i just have to keep reminding myself of what those things are.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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