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How long should I wait before I break NC?


labella

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We were together for 6 months. He had a cruch on me at first site and we were both attracted to each other so badly. Then problem arised. We had a talk (I initiated) in a graceful manner and he said he would get back to me once he made up his mind. I waited for 1 week but no contact. So I emailed him to see what's up and we emailed to each other for 3 weeks or so to finalize the breakup. Since then I've been in NC for 2 months. On the emails I sent him, all I adressed was my respect, admiration and appreciation to him. He said it was very painful and hard to be away from me but he didn't feel he could make me happy in the fields where I felt most important to me and I should find another man. Last contact was Aug 25. I left him VM saying that he shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with me as he did what he thought was the best decision to him and on the contrary I was very appreciative that he brought new dimensions in my life and made me feel like I hadn't felt for a long time. No reply. Since then I've been in NC.

 

Sometimes it breaks my heart to think about the mean stuff he said to me towards the end of relationship and other times I miss him tremendously.

 

I've read a lot of articles and books about reconciliation, but they don't seem to say how long you have to be in NC.

 

I don't feel he would contact me as he is the man of his words and I know he is afraid of rejection and making mistakes.

 

I'm planning to send him a friendly Christmas card (approx. 4 months or NC), but not sure if I'm doing right.

 

I'll appreciate your opinion. Thanks a lot in advance

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labella, the point of not contacting the guy is so that it doesn't hurt so much that you're not hearing from him. when you do finally hear from him you will not seem so needy, clingy, and desperate. now you ask how long and the truth is you need to maintain no contact for as long as it takes until you can contact him, and it honestly not hurt or otherwise effect you if he responds or not.

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Just as the other posts say....NC is for you to heal. Use it to heal...as long as you allow yourself to grieve, and then start to get your life back together NC will help you heal. If you contact and are not really in a good place of healing, the contact can set you back. I know, I experienced it and believe me, giving suggestions is a lot easier than doing! For example...I was stuck in an emotional place just like you. I sent the ex and email ...then got mad and sad and angry that she didn't reply. Eventually, after a couple of months I was ina better place. I was moving on and didn;t want to hear from her. Then out of the blue she sends me an email, 3 months after the one I sent her. It was a very generic one, Sorry I was busy, hope you are well..blah blah blah....it actually annoyed me mroe than anything and I was now at a point where I said I really don't want to hear from you. I have never looked back. What I learned...the whole experience allowed me to grow and get my own power and take control of my life. I am still single, happy and willing to wait for a perosn that wants a relationship with me.

GOOD LUCK...empower yourself and let yourself heal!!

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