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I love him, but I am not happy.


c0nfus3d

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now. In one of my other threads, I talked about how we aren't intimate anymore and such. It was a big deal then, but now it's an even bigger situation.

 

I moved two hours away for college, and in a way it has helped our relationship tremendously. We were spending every single day together and I just didn't feel like he was appreciating his time with me because he knew he would have my time again the next day and so on. Now that I have moved, I am lucky if I see him once a month. Yeah, he is glad he gets to hang out with me, but the intimacy situation has not really improved.

 

I am not necessarily talking about sex. I am way more interested in kissing, cuddling, hand holding, etc.

 

Before you say anything, don't tell me that I need to initiate more or try to be more sexy or anything like that. I already do. I have lingerie, and I use it. I initiate everything, and he says that he doesn't feel good or he's tired. He can't be sick and tired all the time. I have told him that I need more from him in this department, and he has promised to work on it... I just am not seeing a change.

 

Do I talk to him again? I just don't know what to say to make it sound like I'm not attacking him...

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If you already brought it up and change was to be made and nothing happened, I think this is the reality you're facing..its not going to change.

 

I would bring it up one more time, stating nothing has changed and then make a decision if this is something you want to continue on, or can you deal with a relationship with no intimicy?

 

You're 18, way too young to be in a relationship where you're unhappy and unstasfied.

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I can be in a relationship with no intimacy if my SO finds other ways to make me feel loved. He does do this, but it's not often and I just need more.

 

He is coming to visit me for halloween, and I would really like to bring it up... I am really afraid that the conversation will turn in a direction that I don't want it to. We just had a fight a couple days ago and it was really hard on me... I don't want him to feel like we are always fighting and he might forget why we are even together.

How can I bring it up without fighting about it?

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I forgot to mention, he isn't cheating on me and he assures me that he's still interested.

 

Have you eve told him that actions speak louder than words? That he has to show you, that you feel you guys are becoming distant? What good excuse does he have for not kissing or cuddling with you. That is odd. Why does he need to assure you, he shouldn't need to.

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He doesn't give me a good reason for anything. "I just don't like that stuff" is what I get. I tell him, "Well you know I like it..." and he says "I know."

I have asked him if he is still interested in me, because his actions say otherwise, and he always says yes.

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Do you guys talk everyday? How does he make you feel wanted if he doesn't show you affection? I know a lot of people just like to talk, do you guys talk a lot?

 

I know a lot of guys (and girls) who just AREN'T affectionate. That is something their SO has to deal with... or move on.

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All you can do is communicate your needs and desires. If he doesn't respond than that is on him. Eventually you need to decide if you want to spend more time working on a relationship with someone who isn't as willing. Quite honestly it doesn't appear that he is recognizing any problem and showing any willingness to make improvements.

 

You are much to young to settle into a relationship. Especially a relationship where you are not getting the physical intimacy you desire. He appears to not share your same priorities on certain expressions of affections.

 

And btw... first two months... is not pretty normal. Maybe the first year... but even then.... I don't think I have ever kept my hands off my wife... (its been 15 years)....

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When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
When He Says He Wants Space | Beginner's Guide

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