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I'm woefully inexperienced with relationships, in fact I'm 21 and going through my first one.

 

I've had depression problems in the past and was moderately abused as a child. Depression comes from a severe lack of self esteem and feelings of apathy. I thought that I was through all of this; last year was a great year for me. Now that I'm in a relationship all of these issues are suddenly coming up again. I have never been treated for depression and this may be key to my questions.

 

We've been dating for about two months now and for the first month and a half I've been doing very well, seeing each other often and loving each other.

 

This last two or three weeks however, my girlfriend hasn't been spending much time with me, only about 4-10 hours per week or under 2 visits on average per week.

 

I feel like I need more time with her to really be happy in the relationship; as it is right now I've been severely emotionally unstable from missing my girlfriend. Enough to disrupt my sleep, school, and overall well being.

 

Is it ok to ask and want to spend more time with her? Is the pain I feel in her absense abnormal? Should I be able to handle it? Am I not emotionally mature enough to handle the stresses of a relationship? Or is my request for more committment natural? Do I have the right to do so? I don't want to be manipulative; I want her to be happy too.

 

Lastly, if she does not want to spend more time with me, what are my options? I'm more than willing to compromise, but what if she isn't?

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I've experienced the same thing, I was chronically depressed for a very long time and then i thought i was finally through with it, until my first serious relationship came along. We lasted a year and a half but the last 8 months of it were extremely unstable and we broke up and got back together multiple times. Alot of this was caused by the fact that he couldn't handle my emotional problems and it was tearing us apart. Eventually i realized this and went through sessions of therapy and coucilling, but by the time I felt like i was doing better, it was too late. He told me he didn't want to have to deal with all my problems when he has his own to deal with already.

 

The reason i'm telling you this is if you let these problems get in the way, your relationship has a high possibility of failing. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but you should seek out help. If you were abused as a child then that's an even bigger reason why you should try getting help unless you already have. If you feel like you can't change the way you feel (depression) on your own, then it will never go away. Then again, if therapy doesn't help, then you ARE the only person that can help yourself change it.

 

It won't happen right away though. Coming out of depression is a long hard thing to do, but once you feel confident in yourself and more or less content with your life, then you will know you are ready to be part of a romantic relationship.

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I feel like I need more time with her to really be happy in the relationship; as it is right now I've been severely emotionally unstable from missing my girlfriend. Enough to disrupt my sleep, school, and overall well being.

 

Is it ok to ask and want to spend more time with her? Is the pain I feel in her absense abnormal? Should I be able to handle it? Am I not emotionally mature enough to handle the stresses of a relationship? Or is my request for more committment natural? Do I have the right to do so? I don't want to be manipulative; I want her to be happy too.

 

Lastly, if she does not want to spend more time with me, what are my options? I'm more than willing to compromise, but what if she isn't?

 

Also it's perfectly normal to want to be with a partner all the time. When you're in love with someone, you will sometimes miss them after seeing them only 10 minutes before, you think of them every second of the day and you look forward to seeing them again more then anything else. Everyone experiances this, it isn't unusual.

 

Talk to her if you think you two aren't spending enough time together. If she has strong feelings for you then she will understand. You won't seem manipulative by just suggesting to see her more.

 

If she isn't willing to come up with a solution for this with you, then i'm sorry but she probably really isn't that interested in you. It's harsh but this might be a possibility if you feel she is becoming more and more distant...

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Nonetheless, your answer gives me peace of mind because I really don't know these things.

 

Thank you.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Perhaps you'll find someone better as a result, the person who is really meant for you.

 

I hope that you find what you're looking for.

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Nonetheless, your answer gives me peace of mind because I really don't know these things.

 

Thank you.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Perhaps you'll find someone better as a result, the person who is really meant for you.

 

I hope that you find what you're looking for.

 

You're welcome, glad i could help =)

 

And thanks.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I talked with her about it. Told her I'd be willing to compromise. As soon as things got tough, she told me she didn't want a serious relationship.

 

She did say that she wanted friendship and that we might date sometime in the future.

 

I waited a bit and decided this wasn't the answer I was looking for, I wanted a yes or a no.

 

She said no. I'm doing no contact now.

 

I did the right things, didn't I?

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