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My girlfriend dumped me 5 weeks ago now, she did it over a text message which I thought was cowardly and nasty. We had been together for two years and we got pretty close. I knew there was something wrong about a week earlier (strong gut feelings). The day before she dumped me I broke the trust by taking a little peek in her phone. I found LOTS of messages to a guy named Paul with kisses xx after every message. Nothing I thought too heavy but clearly very flirty and it was obvious she was pursuing him.


I confronted her and repeatedly asked if there was someone else on the scene and the answer was no, don't be silly. I never did tell her I'd looked in her phone but I'm so glad I did take a look despite breaking the trust barrier. I guess I was her support 'crutches' helping her get something going with this other guy and fuelling it whilst I was mister ‘back burner’ safely there just in case it went pear shaped.


We had a heated argument on the morning of the breakup and she text me at lunchtime telling me she couldn't continue this anymore, apparently I'd always have a special place in her heart. She left me in pieces and showed no thoughts for me or my feelings after crying to me the night before telling me how much she loved me and she loved the fact she could always 'be herself' around me. She even changed her number the following day and I still can't work out why! I'd never treated her badly either nor did I hassle her after the breakup.


The first two weeks I felt truly awful and the whole experience left me in a spin. One afternoon whilst at work I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart the pain was so intense I almost couldn't breath. Now 5 weeks on she is still on my mind but the pain is really starting to disappear and I'm feeling good again (thank goodness).


I found out indirectly that this guy she was pursuing wasn't interested in the end and he went back to his ex so she gambled and dumped 'us' for nothing, now (apparently) she's back with the guy she was screwing around with before me (and he treated her like a piece of meat). Quite remarkable how it's unfolded really. She didn't actually get what she thought she wanted!


I'm now firmly in no contact (since day two) and knowing what I know, if she does make contact (personally I think she will sooner or later) I don't think I'd even want her back. She couldn't communicate with me or tell me the truth even at the point of breakup and wasn't honest with me from the start (that's another story). Maybe because she didn't want to burn the bridge in case she wanted to cross back over it?


37 days now and no communication. I certainly won't break the silence and I'm beginning to feel good and get my self respect back.


Any opinions from the panel on my situation? Are my thoughts correct?


I'm so glad I found this site, it's been a real source of comfort this last week. In fact I wish I'd found it earlier. There really are some great people on here and it's fantastic to know you're not alone.

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hey mate, sorry to hear of your situation, its hard i know, been there with my ex except i didnt find out about the affair for several months after it became a physical one.


You're in a good place believe it or not. Having no contact with her is the best thing for you and if she does call it will mess you up and undo everything NC has achieved. And if it does go pear shaped with the new guy, you dont want to be the safety net or her second choice. You're worth more than that...


At least your ex broke it off clean and didnt keep you strung along with the BS like "i love you, we are soul mates meant to be together forever and just give me some time" etc etc.... and call you all the time to just talk! That delayed my helaing alot...


Im looking forward to a new relationship and so should you. When I first broke it off I thought i would never find anyone else that had half what i had with my ex..I was proven wrong in a very short space of time...Keep your heart and mind open to someone new and they will appear before you!

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Sorry that you had to go through all that. At least you found out what type of girl she really is before anymore time was invested in the relationship.

Sounds to me like she got greedy and to me I think she got what she deserves. Cheating in any form is just downright cruel.


Going NC is defiantly the right thing to do and keep it up. It helps you heal so much quicker.

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be glad you threw out the trash before it could do anymore harm.


2 years, she broke up over text? wow, that's just incredibly lame. And I honestly doubt that this guy Paul was her first cheating episode. I imagine there were probably more guys she never (and never will) admit.


It sucks when you find out the true nature of people, and you realize how many cheaters there are out there. I think in this day and age of technology, the temptations are just that much more prevalent.


The only advice I can give you is some that others have given me:


Guard your heart.

Do not give your trust freely - only to those who deserve it.

Do not invest too much in any one girl. Chase many - the one that chases you back is the one for you.

Never make someone a priority when they've made you an option.


And finally,


One day you will meet the right girl. But to get to that point you will have to go through many wrong girls. Do not waste anymore tears on them - let them go, don't look back.


In cases where someone has wronged you with infidelity, I do not think responding to contact will do you any good. Better to ignore them completely.

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Just wanted to say thanks to you all for your replies. Every single one is excellent.


Orangesoda you made me laugh with your 'threw out the trash' remark. Thats awesome! It's totally spot on I think. Your advice is well received and tattooed into my memory. My trust will be earnt from now on and they won't become a priority anymore. Wise words.


Robbie, sorry to hear about your ex cheating. That must of hit real hard. Not a nice thing to have to deal with. I guess I was fortunate to have caught her 'pursuing' at an early stage. Could have been far worse and I'll thank my lucky stars for that.


Thanks again everyone!

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