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Trusting After Breakup


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So, you can read what led to my breakup at enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232465

 

Essentially the situation deteriorated as a fellow intern who was "counseling" her about her relationship with me then became her boyfriend. She called me up and said that she wanted to be "single" after talking to this guy and was in a relationship with him the next day. He lives on the other side of the country, so whereas I would see this girl several times a week during the school year, she hasn't seen him since the summer. I tried to start things up again with her, but she had no interest. She's gonna meet his family at Thanksgiving and he's coming to visit her during her January Term classes.

 

Here's my problem. I can't trust another woman. I try very hard, but I have this profound fear that I will be left again. It was a brutal experience because she was sending me love notes up until the day she decided to leave me for the guy at her internship. I helped her get into the internship, took care of all the travel logistics, and then was dropped only a couple of weeks later. I'm deathly afraid that I will drop another girl off at the airport, kiss goodbye, and never see her again -- and never see it coming. Before leaving me, she said that she wanted to be with me forever and somehow I bought it. I'm afraid of being blindsided again.

 

Adding to the problem, I've been deeply depressed since June, when the breakup happened. I am taking medication and am under the care of a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I keep having these thoughts that I should have traveled out to her internship at the first sign of trouble rather than trying to work it out over the phone. I know, it isn't logical, but I can't stop blaming myself. I have this deep guilt for not intervening and stopping this other guy from taking her away. It's pointless, but the thoughts don't stop. I've tried all kinds of strategies for thought-stopping, etc. I have these thoughts literally hundreds of times a day (no matter what I'm doing), can barely sleep, and rarely eat.

 

I've had other breakups with little more than a couple down days. It's not as if I'm easily hurt. She was very accepting of me while we were together, including my well-controlled panic disorder, something that really scared other girls.

 

This pain has been so bad and resistant to treatment that electroconvulsive therapy ("shock therapy") is the next step. A big problem is that I used to do a lot of stuff with my ex and we had a ton of plans for this fall that have obviously evaporated. Every week some of those activities slide by undone. I see so many reminders of her and the pain comes back. I feel it as fresh as the day it happened but now it's compounded by months of those feelings.

 

I know I'm gonna get over this eventually. But I'm just not sure I ever want another relationship if this is the kind of pain I'll be risking. I feel utterly disposable and once I get over this, I want to be over it for good.

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Don't do anything electrical no matter what anyone tells you. Fire that 'care' professional.

 

What your ex's new love interest did is one of the oldest games going. That has been going on thousands of years. Their relationship is not going to work. Trust me..

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Don't do anything electrical no matter what anyone tells you. Fire that 'care' professional.

 

What your ex's new love interest did is one of the oldest games going. That has been going on thousands of years. Their relationship is not going to work. Trust me..

 

I know. All her friends say the same thing. She just was taken by his charm when they first met. This is her senior year before she leaves her women's college and goes back to her home in Hawaii. I'm on the East Coast, so that will be the ultimate closure.

 

On the electroconvulsive therapy front, I was 100% against it as well. But doctor after doctor says that I've exhausted my medication options. My own mother is a psychiatric nurse and even she's suggesting it. I feel physically ill 24/7 because of this, so I'm eager for relief even if the treatment is shaky.

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