Jump to content

any dumpERS here have a hard time moving on?


Recommended Posts

This happened to me once (and I've only been the dumper once). I just wasn't sure I made the right decision, so it was really hard to move on. I spent a long time wondering and questioning things and it didn't help that the ex and I were still in contact. I think it would have been easier if we had done NC.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've only really been the dumper once and it was left as the only option when the relationship went seriously sideways, so yes, I had a very hard time moving on but in my case there really was no way at all of going back after the damage that had been done by the other half.

 

That sucked big time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always thought that the only time dumpers have a hard time moving on is if the reason for the breakup was because the dumpee didn't make them feel loved and wanted during the relationship or if the dumpee cheated.

 

That wasn't the case for me. The ex that I broke up with was a great guy. I just wasn't physically attracted. I had a hard time moving on from that because I struggled with the decision even though eventually I knew it was definitely the right decision.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i was a dumper once. i also found it hard to move on because i had a special and strong emotional attachment for this guy i 'dumped'. i wanted to remain friends with him, obviously he wanted more than that. we still go out and everytime we do, he makes me feel special and loved. sometimes it makes me think if i made the right choice. you see, i dumped him for another guy. and whenever this other guy is taking me forgranted, i feel that i shouldn't have chosen him. guess it's pretty messed up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well sad to say ... but i was the dumper and have been in deep depression for about 3 and half months. but things are beginning to look up. I guess there was a bit of miscommunication for our break up i really only needed some time , and also was trying to teach him a lesson because his behavior (moods anger problems) were getting out of hand. played hard for about a month, he was still wanting me back. however i still kept doing it , i was still in love just trying to block the emotions. Pretty kept it going for another month and he already had a new gf , who is still with today its only been about 5 months......but sometimes i feel like i made the biggest mistake. However they say everything happens for a reason so i am still trying to see the reason for me doing this

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was the dumper, felt nothing after a few weeks (sorry). We had broken up twice before tho (his choices then)... and when I ended things for good, I think I had grieved and mourned the loss of the friendship and relationship long before I said goodbye. It took maybe 3 weeks for me to get over it completely and a lot of support from friends. That man is a good guy. I have nothing but kind words to say about him. He's now married to someone I believe is perfect for him. If I had not broken up with him, who knows if he'd met her?!

 

My most recent ex dumped me. He's a family practice doc. My guess is he quit caring or wondering about me the day he sent the email. I think people in that profession become wired to let go more easily as their profession sees a lot of death. After 4 months NC, I've also come to believe the break-up was relatively easy for him. Out of sight, out of mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah im in the same boat. We were together for two years, very serious, and last december we split. I broke up with her because we were constantly fighting and i just kinda sorta lost hope from all the constant issues we had that couldnt be resolved. Never did we feel as though we didnt love one another or care, but we couldnt be eye to eye on things and learn to understand one anothers lifestyles and mentalities on things. It led us to feel we were too different for one another and incompatible. She was fed but was still willing to try, she didnt want to let go. I let go because I felt that if we stayed together, it would just continue with the ups and downs and I was just tired of it.

 

We both had a lot of personal issues of our own we had to get a hold on. I wasnt ready for some of the things in the relationship, such as learning to give up and be understanding at times. It was often always about me and I acted selfish, and I needed to learn to change that. We didnt speak for 6 months, and then we started hanging out again and saw that we have changed a bit and possibly could work things out again but I was still scared to get back into a relationship. I wasnt sure if it would work again, so I rejected her again.

 

Then when I finally thought things through, I slowly started realizing this past summer that I missed her like crazy and I wanted her in my life no matter and that I trully believed we could work out our differences if our love and desire for one another continued to be our focus, and that we learned to let go of our stubbornness. I told her all this but she told me at this point she no longer loved me and is seeing someone new.

 

This was in august, and we havent spoken since. Its been 10 months now since we broke up and I still wake up and go to sleep with her being on my mind. I could distract myself with things to do and hanging out with friends or meeting new people, but nothing excites me anymore. I feel like im in a rut and cant move on. I cant get over her because that was never my focus to try and move on. Even though I tried to put the relationship behind me before, I always felt we would someday get back together when we resolved our differences and were ready. I cant seem to move on at all. Every girl I meet, I end up comparing them to her, and none of them square up and compare. I dont know what to do. Just need to take it a day at a time and see where my life takes me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am also a dumper.

It is soo hard for me!

When I first decided we needed to break up it was for a few different reasons. One, we were both still young and we had grown apart so I thought we needed time to ourselves. Two, I was ready for a commitment! I didn't want to get married now I just wanted to know that he could see us together in the future. And three, he had been less and less romantic so I was hoping that maybe some time apart would make him realize what we had and want to step up.

We have been broken up for a little over 2 months and I still think about him every day! I know this break is a good thing and the right result will come from it. I have prepared myself to accept either end result but the hardest part is wanting to know how it turns out!

If I knew we were not getting together ever again then it would be much easier to move on and if I knew we would get together it would be much easier to have fun right now! haha

 

Either way I feel bad about the relationship ending, but at some times I feel so much better and know this is a good thing!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, as much as I hate to admmit it, I was the dumper. It was more of a situation where I was going through a lot of stress and told him I was not in a good spot to be anyone's other half at that immediate time. He told me he would wait for me. A month later, I tried to contact him and he started NC. That was DEVESTATING!!!!! I was never mean to him. We had been together for 5 years. He now has someone else, after only 6 months. Which is hard to swallow because we never had those issues where either one of us made any indication we would not be together. I am having such a hard time with this. I felt I was sparing him the grief my issues were causing for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was the dumper but only because i felt he treat me too badly and had no choice. Im having a hard time moving on cos i really loved him but he became emotionally abusive, he broke my heart to the point i could never have him back. Its 5 months on and im nowhere near being ready to date again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you sound like my ex.. she says she isnt sure of the future and wants to be 100% sure of things before we waste each others time..

 

she also keeps it open we may get back together in the future.. she says maybe in a couple months i will reliase i made a mistake and if your with someone else i missed out.. she says if its meant to be it will be..

 

i hate that! why do women do that? why is she leaving the door open that we might get back together!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...