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Reverting to a previous state of mind?


Beoslasher

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I went through a few phases in my life.

and I think I'm ready for a new one now

 

first!

through elementary I was always alone, had a single mom who worked all the time, and a sister who was 5 yrs older, and did her own thing.

 

Moved in high school, and reinvented myself at my new school, became a bit more shy, reclusive, but was acquaintances with most of the student pop. Though a lot of the time I was being talked down too.

 

So when i graduated, I went to college in Ohio, and that was where I adopted a more confident, relaxed attitude, more outgoing, more aggresive (not in a bad way), and more free. However, I ended up running out of money I live a state away, and with no job I couldnt support myself =P.

So I ended up coming home, I went to school, here, and got sick and had to drop out.

Then, began living with some close relatives, but they ended up abusing me, in more ways than one... so I built a shield, a very big shield, I had to basically fight to stay alive, I had broken fingers to prove. So I managed to keep my outgoing, aggressive, attitude, but I became a jerk because I was so full of hate at the world because of all the crap I was going through.

At one pt I walked 15 miles back home in one night because I was afraid I was going to attempt suicide at least seriously, because I had already half-heartedly tried. I lost a lot of friendships over the yr there (this was 05-06)

 

Anyways fast forward 2 yrs, and Here I am reverted back to my nice guy mode, I get a bit talked down sometimes I feel, but I'm generally friends with most people. However, I had just had my heart broken, by someone I let way too close. I really did it to myself but those are in other threads if you all are wanting to read on those lol.

 

So now I want a balance, I want to be able to be that outgoing aggressive (think evil spiderman suit) but balance it with the good. I refuse to let people close enough to be hurt like she hurt me, so I already got a shield up, but I want that free spirit again, I'm tired of being walked on.

 

Any advice?

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Try being assertive rather than aggressive. I understand that you got hurt & don't want to let anyone close to you again, but if you never let someone in you just deprived yourself of something that could have been great. Give it time, you'll heal. And be a little slower next time letting someone get close to you. A lot of relationships don't work out, you can see the proof on this site! But that doesn't mean you should never try again.

 

You've been though a lot the past few years. Its too bad you found a good place for you but couldn't stay there due to finances. You should still continue to work on your degree. Apply for scholarships, see what you qualify for on the FAFSA. If college worked out well for you at one point, you should really go back & finish your degree. If it is still financially unfeasable, have you considered the military? They pay A LOT for college & have a College First program in the Guard, where you can complete 2 or 3 years of college without the possibility of getting deployed during that time.

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Yeah assertive would be better. I know I'm depriving myself, but I dont know I've been hurt before but nothing like that since my first love. Its just made me so bitter. It really ended poorly and there is a caustic aura everytime were near each other which is often lol. I just dont want to put the effort in anymore, i've never really had a seemless relationship, theres always been a catch and its tiring. so why bother? =p

 

Thanks for the advice about college!, I failed to mention that I am in college atm, I'm a sophomore at a pretty nice place. so thats my bad =P

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Yeah assertive would be better. I know I'm depriving myself, but I dont know I've been hurt before but nothing like that since my first love. Its just made me so bitter. It really ended poorly and there is a caustic aura everytime were near each other which is often lol. I just dont want to put the effort in anymore, i've never really had a seemless relationship, theres always been a catch and its tiring. so why bother? =p

 

Thanks for the advice about college!, I failed to mention that I am in college atm, I'm a sophomore at a pretty nice place. so thats my bad =P

 

That's good you're back in college!

 

It's understandable that you were hurt so badly & don't want to repeat that path. But really, every relationship has problems here & there.. how you both handle it when it happens is what makes the difference.

 

I read this book a while back that said.. "Don't wait for the perfect person to come along & make it all better. Don't expect them to be perfect & fulfill all of your needs." Something that effect. Basically, when you expect your partner to be your knight in shining armor there is no way they can live up to that. Would you want someone to have such high expectations of you, fulfilling all of their needs? (the book was a little more concise). Also, a relationship isn't 50/50; its 100/100. Playing * * * for tat & expecting everything to be fair is a recipe for a failed relationship. Before starting a relationship, make sure you are ready to put in 100% effort and your partner is too.

 

I don't know what happened in your last relationship, but what I said above is just general advice I have found helpful to keep in mind. You are so young.. 21 & in college. You have plenty of time to be single, hang out with friends, go on a few casual dates. You don't have to decide now if you will ever be in a serious relationship again. Eventually when you meet someone you just click with & you're both ready for a commitment, it will be a different situation than your last one.

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