hannyLiz66 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I posted on Enotalone before about my ex 'coming back' after about a month. Trouble is now, he wont commit to anything, not even defining what we are at this point. It *seems* like he just contacted me for the "security" of knowing im there to talk to. But, i could be wrong. I recently had enough of the in between crap hes been pulling, and flat out told him i loved him, and i could see myself making it work if he did too, since us breaking up had a lot to do with problems we had. We still love each other, though he hasnt said it since he contacted me last sunday, breaking the no contact. I of course, didnt take the bait right away out of fear of him hurting me again. He took me being 'stand off ish' as me being the same old me, and not being emotional about things in a good way. But since then i told him how i felt, and how things could be different. What i need to know is, what do i do from here? Back off? Keep texting him? Or what? It seems like he isnt into it anymore.. Link to comment
vmrhine18 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I myself am going through a very similar situation. I say to back off. You need time to yourself. Everytime you think about contacting him remember how he has hurt you. It will be a bumpy road but after awile it will get easier not to talk to him. Link to comment
hannyLiz66 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I was fine not talking to him before, he's the one who switched it up after a month. I thought maybe i should just lay down the rules and say if you want me, great. if not, were done talking? Link to comment
lenni Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I was fine not talking to him before, he's the one who switched it up after a month. I thought maybe i should just lay down the rules and say if you want me, great. if not, were done talking? i guess i'd say put the focus on *you* think about what you want and don't want, what you can live with and what you cant. get that clearly defined for yourself. if you don't want to be in a wishy washy, undefined relationship than yeah, tell him that isn't going to work for you. if that's the best he can do and you don't want that, and also you don't feel ready to be friends, then tell him you need to be out of contact for awhile for your own well-being. Link to comment
stickman Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 When in doubt....dont. Meaning, dont contact. Use your head and not your heart. Too many times it is what we dont say that helps more than what we could ever try to say or do. I always feel and agree with the books that I have read that meaningful time spent apart is more helpful. You gain your control back. You have nothing to lose.....especially when you work on YOU first. If they move on that quickly, that says a lot about them. Right? Only two quality people with free will that want to change or work on a realtionship can make things happen. In your case, if the love is there underneath by both for each other, anything can happen IF enough quality time is spent to reflect and work on yourselves first. Link to comment
hannyLiz66 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I had a chat with him last night..and he said that he loves me, wants me, but doesnt want a committment meaning a relationship. I obviously do. It seems as if he just wants to party and not be tied down, but how is that fair to me? I want him in my life, and i do like texting him, but i also want him as my boyfriend. He also said that ive shown him my good side this past week, and he *could* get to the point where he wants to be with me again. Is he just pulling me around? Or could it be legit? It seems like he just wants to text, and have sex with me. IDK, i want to show him it could be good with us, but how do i do that? Ive never been in the 'undefined' relationship, let alone with someone i dated for 3 years! How do i go a out doing that? Do i tell him how i feel on a daily basis( i.e. i miss you, love you bye.) Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 if you want a relationship and he doesnt.. then stop giving him something.. he is getting everything he wants out of the relationship and not having to give anything back... so think about it why would he ever want to commit to you if he gets all the benefits of having you in his life without a commitment? Link to comment
hannyLiz66 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 im so confused. on one hand, it seems like itll work out. he says he loves me... but he doesnt want a relationship. with anyone. Link to comment
atelis Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 he is giving you the answers. don't give he what he wants if you are not getting what you want. stop the sex for a start and then pull back on other forms of contact. he will then show you his true colours Link to comment
stickman Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 if you want a relationship and he doesnt.. then stop giving him something.. he is getting everything he wants out of the relationship and not having to give anything back... so think about it why would he ever want to commit to you if he gets all the benefits of having you in his life without a commitment? Good point. He needs to take you as you are or specifically explain what it would take...otherwise, you are stuck. Why should either of you settle. We all want what we cant have and dont know what we'll got till it's gone. Remember that people treat you how YOU allow them to treat you. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 He also said that ive shown him my good side this past week, and he *could* get to the point where he wants to be with me again. Is he just pulling me around? Or could it be legit? It seems like he just wants to text, and have sex with me. IDK, i want to show him it could be good with us, but how do i do that? Ive never been in the 'undefined' relationship, let alone with someone i dated for 3 years! How do i go a out doing that? Do i tell him how i feel on a daily basis( i.e. i miss you, love you bye.) This guy is so arrogant it's making my hair stand on end! When you say you want to show him it could be good with the two of you - it already IS, for him! I'd be very surprised if he went beyond wanting to text and have sex with you, which is very clearly not enough for you. Rather than worrying about his feelings for you, ask yourself how YOU feel about this situation. How long are you willing to endure being used like this? Is he really worth it for the 'crumbs' he's throwing to you? Have you ever read a book called 'He's just NOT that into you?' - recommended reading if you haven't! Good luck with all this - it sounds as though you're in a very painful place at the moment, and I do wish you all the best with finding your way through it! Link to comment
thedude27 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 What part of the "commited relationship" does he not want to do? What is the difference in his mind between being with you and being comitted to you? Cut off the sex see if he finds himself suddenly more attracted to you Link to comment
hannyLiz66 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 He just has said he doesnt want a girlfriend, no matter who it is. BUT, today we hung out, he got on his computer, and started looking at his one 'friend''s facebook (i had been suspicious of her before we broke up) and said she was hot! Im done with it. If he is gunna be like that, then im cutting him off. i dont even care, im just pissed and im tired of being in limbo with him. Link to comment
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