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Should I be this angry?


glamchick

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I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. Our love life has always been great, I've never had a complaint in that department until recently. Lately The frequency has come down quite a bit. I'm always the one initiating the act and for the most part he seems uninterested. He says he's always tired or that his stomach hurts to make it known he's not wanting to be intimate before I have the chance to suggest it. We went from everyday to once or twice a week. I know he's not cheating. Also I know he's attracted to me, Im much younger than him and Im in great shape. I know this happens after time but what's hurting me the most is that I went on his computer today and see that he visits porn sites very frequently. He has a girlfriend who looks just as great as all of those porn girls... why would he rather self gratify himself watching porn than be intimate with me? Especially knowing Im unsatisfied. I dont want to be unfaithful but I find myself feeling the urge to stray.. What should I do?

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Hi, and welcome to eNotAlone.

 

Leaving aside the issue of porn for the moment because that is always controversial - does he complain about his stomach hurting and being tired at other times as well? If he does, then he should get himself checked out by a doctor because they may be something wrong with him.

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I feel like the aches are an excuse.. the sex is boring.. It wasnt boring before..it has become routine. The thing is I know he's very in love with me and I know hes not cheating, however I do feel that my needs have went down on his list of priorites.

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Hi, and welcome to eNotAlone.

 

Leaving aside the issue of porn for the moment because that is always controversial - does he complain about his stomach hurting and being tired at other times as well? If he does, then he should get himself checked out by a doctor because they may be something wrong with him.

 

 

Then after you see (from a PROFESSIONAL) that his stomach is indeed fine, you can get to the real root of the problem which is probably "stomach ache" his version of a females "on my period, have a headache" routine!

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I feel like the aches are an excuse.. the sex is boring.. It wasnt boring before..it has become routine. The thing is I know he's very in love with me and I know hes not cheating, however I do feel that my needs have went down on his list of priorites.

 

maybe you aren't doing much to try and turn him on? ex. acting sexy, teasing, etc.

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Well, like I say I think it as well to eliminate the possibility that he does have something physically wrong with him. It may be an excuse but it also may be real and he doesn't want to face it. If you were to make an issue of the lack of sex, or even leave him because of it, only to find out he had something seriously wrong with him you may not want that on your conscience.

 

And if he is bluffing or making excuses - then you are calling it in as kindly a way as you can.

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I really do think you should both sit down and have a serious talk, you both have been together for a year and you and him love each other very much, right?

 

Tell him what is going on and how you feel, it's important he listens.

 

When it comes to sex, don't force it. When he makes his excuse remind him of the times when you both used to have it every day and perhaps you could add that you miss it.

 

In a relationship it's important that you express to each other how you feel, otherwise you will feel psycologically unhealthy and so will the relationship.

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If he feels you're not doing enough maybe he should be MAN enough to tell you. Why do you have to jump through all these hoops for him. He first needs to get checked, second, he needs to speak to you about this. A relationship takes TWO. I don't think this is about YOU not being THIS or THAT..this is him not opening up as much as he could.

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Here I go, thinking out of the box again......

 

If you think your sex life is boring, let's try something different. Men are "visual" creatures. Have you considered changing your appearance? How about a blond wig? Or a red one? How about a serious change in makeup?

 

Is it always done in bed? With the lights out? Time to take him by the hand and lead him out into the back yard. Or, maybe, a neighbor's yard?

 

Variety IS the spice of life.

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"Variety IS the spice of life."

 

How true...a change up can ignite the passion. If he's unwilling, tell "I want it, and I want it now." Take command, grab him by the nether regions, make him feel wanted!

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Just like I say to everyone that has this problem: Humans love a good chase and are biologically driven to chase a mate. He's caught you, you are 100% available at all times. Meh. It gets a little boring when the chase's been won.

 

Let up on him and don't try initiating for a week or two. Never be rude, but don't appear interested in sex at all.

 

Provided he's healthy and isn't actually having stomach problems he's gonna pick up on your lack of interest sooner or later and start jumping on you.

 

Essentially, play hard to get.

 

Once there is that element of chase back in your sex life, things should kick off again.

 

Sex is best when its not 100% available, served lukewarm on a microwave dish, any time of day.

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Here I go, thinking out of the box again......

 

If you think your sex life is boring, let's try something different. Men are "visual" creatures. Have you considered changing your appearance? How about a blond wig? Or a red one? How about a serious change in makeup?

 

Is it always done in bed? With the lights out? Time to take him by the hand and lead him out into the back yard. Or, maybe, a neighbor's yard?

 

Variety IS the spice of life.

 

Maybe not a neighbour's yard but variety could help, maybe.

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myself feeling the urge to stray

 

now this is a worrying response he says no u want to cheat????

 

Maybe having sex everyday has made it boring for him, try reducing frequency of sex.

 

Its like the old saying too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

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I don't see why the girlfriend has to be the one responsible for spicing up their sex life and always initiating. The boyfriend is the one who became dissatisfied with the sexual relationship. If he's not happy with it, he needs to speak up to her about what the problem is, and take some steps to fix it, rather than being lazy and avoiding the issue.

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I feel like the aches are an excuse.. the sex is boring.. It wasnt boring before..it has become routine. The thing is I know he's very in love with me and I know hes not cheating, however I do feel that my needs have went down on his list of priorites.

 

My friend says you can only fit tab a in slot b so many ways then he gets bored with the sex and he would rather masterbate. It takes less energy he says. He says he's very lazy by nature.

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