Cadence_oO Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hi everyone! I'm currently seeing someone for about 2 months now and everything is pretty great. He is 40,a widower with two kids ages 15 and 17. I'm 25,with a two and a half year old and going through a divorce. I never saw the gap as an issue until yesterday when people on here pointed it out as a possible problem. How big are age gaps between you and your OH? Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 The older you get the less age gaps matter. Him being 40 and you 25 isn't bad. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 The thing is....on an generation referrence you are not on the same page and nor are you on the same page in the area of experience. I might get slammed by some people who insist they have tons even at a young age and it is true, BUT living for 40 years does give you the benefit of knowing AND understand A LOT more than you did at 25 or 17. I know 1000 times over at 42 then what I knew at 25, It is not even compariable. Link to comment
punk_bf Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Don't worry about the age difference. Its not that big of an issue. How are things between you and his children? If things are good, then you'll be fine. I would only worry if they don't like you or like child. Since he is a widower, he is at least someone who is OK with being married. He was married before and didn't divorce, so you've got that going for you. Plus he obviously has experience with children, so you've got that too. Unless you have bigger problems, it sounds like a good situation. Link to comment
tarant8l Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I am 51 and my exotic beauty is 22 now. I met her when she was 18. Link to comment
tarant8l Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 People do not notice but your divorce and meeting the other guy are precisely set at birth to the minute it happens. This is the psyche. True Mind nevertheless acts magickally, cutting through routines. Already "dating" is a bureaucratic invention of the psyche, the parasite. Eros improvises. Link to comment
shay.shay82 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 His children will resent you. You're not too much older than both of them and they may see you as trying to replace their mother, who is dead. I don't know what to tell you - two months really isn't that long a time and I think this situation isn't going to work out long term. His being a widower so much older than you with kids not too much younger than you are is a HUGE deal and there will be conflicts down the road if there aren't already. Link to comment
DN Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Both of my daughters are happily married to men significantly older them them. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 When i was 19 i went on to have a 5 year relationship with a guy that was 11 years older than me, i always thought in my naivity at the time that it didnt matter, age was just a number and all that, well it did matter in the end. I was just beginning to grow up really and he had been a bit of a wild child when he was in his teens and twenties, he was getting to the point where he was wanting to settle down and i was just beginning and wanted to party party party! haha. I guess with age gaps it depends on where you are in our lives and what you want, if that comes off to be similar or the same things then i think your fine, i think age gaps become less of an issue as people get older, like say someone thats 40 and someone thats 50 etc etc Just my scoop x Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Do you want more kids? Does he? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Do you want more kids? Does he? That is another issue. I mean hey he is almost done with his kids and you have a baby. If you want more does he WANT to start that over again at say 45??? Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Yes,I would like more kids.I'm not sure how he feels on this subject because it is too early for such a talk. However I'd be fine if he doesn't want them and it wouldn't bother me that much. The thing is you see,that I really don't think there is such a difference in seeing eye to eye. I've been through a lot. I lived a married life for 3 years,raised my child(to her age I mean),went through a nasty heartbreak and divorce. He went through something similar,also a nasty heartbreak,lookisng the mother of his children. Now,the differences between us aren't significant at all. His children don't hate me.His son was very friendly towards me,his daughter needs some 'get used to it' time but she truly doesn't hate me. I think they both know I'm not replacing they're mother,we're talking about nearly grown up kids not little children here. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I think all we are saying is do not expect a bed of roses without working on it. Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I see the possible issue with his kids only being a few years younger than you. Your like an older sister type more to them. But if you two love each other and can face almost anything you'll make it. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Well,in a way I do not mind being more of an older sister or a friend. I'm not looking to be their mother figure. And honestly this might seem stupid to you guys but I was married to a guy who was almost my age (2 years older) and he ended up having an affair for one half of our marriage.To a girl younger than me might I add! Now I didn't look for an older guy because of this or anything but I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt to see how it pans out. Link to comment
tarant8l Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 At one moment I got scared from what could happen, e.g. happiness. An what did I do? Gossip was already up and now it is like this: the apex of seduction is that the guy seduced her ad let her go. So this is what I did. I never touched her. That strong is inhibition and social mores and many other things. Now a complicated mind full of visions, data and calculus, even ritual, is not very fit as lover. My first experiences were not very good, I guess, and perhaps I am trying to make up with revenge. The first impulse was paradise. After that, I doubted about "racial", sexual (I guess she might be bi) and other things... In a way I always put or create a block, that is the psyche provides to cut me off pleasure. I am of course exaggerating the issue, but we are here to learn thus I take it as didactic exaggeration. The ideal girl does exist in some childish or archetypal strata of the mind treasury. At one moment I envisioned her as a sort of avatar, so she must be perfect, which I am of course not.Perhapos for me it is compensation. After a rather successful (to whom should I compare) sexual life. I did retire into celibacy with pleasure, and failed, hahaha, ultimately failed. After a while I found myself surrounded with gays. Gossip, years of celibacy, and there you have it. Naively I did not know.Now I guess she has to compensate for all frustration, etc, etc. The poor girl is probably suffering, rejected by a man who adores her. Incredible.The details... I tried to write, but... it is hard to be one;s own biographer, indeed. The product of this age is that Casanova went into celibacy, all mixed up. At one time I thought I was him, I am standing in the street he was born in and slept in the same house. This is the foirst forum I am in and am probably speaking my soul out for the first time, since I became extremely reserved. Let's go through that hell, then as moderately suggested by a certain mason. I would gladly desist any sexualife but my second nature is too strong. Thus I don't have a yogic life and neither do i have a sexual life. i am attractive to women, which i flee for no apparent reason at all. i know i can have them all. I've been there. My standard is Letitia Casta. I lived with models and worked for Chanel. One would envy me but i want something else that is not of this world. of course a a woman can be hurt and go crazy since she can not conceive such say divine impulses, which in daily life are sheer nonsensei. Link to comment
lumu Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 The thing is....on an generation referrence you are not on the same page and nor are you on the same page in the area of experience. I might get slammed by some people who insist they have tons even at a young age and it is true, BUT living for 40 years does give you the benefit of knowing AND understand A LOT more than you did at 25 or 17. I know 1000 times over at 42 then what I knew at 25, It is not even compariable. Age doesn't matter. I'm not smarter then I was at 5. I'm just as trusting and naive. The only thing that matters is if you are concerned they will look very different in a few years or that they may die before you. My ex BF was always worried about those two things and we were 13 years apart. For me it doesn't matter.. People matter Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 What I am talking about is having things in common, this is difficult when there is a large gap and if you are not on the same page, I do not believe love conquers all. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Age doesn't matter. I'm not smarter then I was at 5. I'm just as trusting and naive. The only thing that matters is if you are concerned they will look very different in a few years or that they may die before you. My ex BF was always worried about those two things and we were 13 years apart. For me it doesn't matter.. People matter Smart is NOT what is being talked about, experience is the difference NOT intelligence. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Well,as I said,are our experiences that different? Are the lives we lead that different? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 All I am saying is, age does lend for more experience on many levels. At 25 I thought that was BS, I see it different now. There are things you will see from many different angles at 40, I know you will. Link to comment
lumu Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Smart is NOT what is being talked about, experience is the difference NOT intelligence. If that were all that mattered i'd have more in common with a 19 year old then a 38 year old. Which is why I tended to date them. I play video games. I'm into comics and animation. I do computer online games. Everything I have in common is with the 19 to 26 crowd. That is why I say it depends on the people. I come from a reservation so I don't have all of the knowledge of TV etc that people my age know. I don't have any of the social cues or experience dating. I've only been in 4 relationships. So you can't judge by age. Doesn't matter one bit. Only people matter Link to comment
lumu Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 All I am saying is, age does lend for more experience on many levels. At 25 I thought that was BS, I see it different now. There are things you will see from many different angles at 40, I know you will. That is you. I see nothing differently then I did at 5. The world and I have not changed. I haven't a clue what this experience you are talking about is. I am just as clueless as I ever was. I am just playing things by my heart. I have always done that. I don't ever bring in old bagage. I enter everything with wide eyed innocence and amazement of the new. If you don't then that is you. Everyone is an individual. So go by your heart not the age. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 That is you. I see nothing differently then I did at 5. The world and I have not changed. I haven't a clue what this experience you are talking about is. I am just as clueless as I ever was. I am just playing things by my heart. I have always done that. I don't ever bring in old bagage. I enter everything with wide eyed innocence and amazement of the new. If you don't then that is you. Everyone is an individual. So go by your heart not the age. You think you don't. If you thought the same as you did when you were 5 you would still be playing in mud puddles. Link to comment
lumu Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 You think you don't. If you thought the same as you did when you were 5 you would still be playing in mud puddles. I still do. But I still do the exact same things I did at five as I do now except I don't shoot animals anymore for food. Link to comment
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